I'm hearing I'm taking the easy way out from family and friends

[Protea 4]

Hi there. I am a newbie on this site so I might be asking a question that someone else has asked already.

It's taken me months to make the decision to go for WLS but after going into action to get started on the paperwork and appointments, I have decided to tell my husband. His 1st reaction was extremely negatively perceived (by myself) as he immediately told me that other people can make diets work so why am I taking the easy way out.

Since then - I think he got used to the idea of me going in Feb/Mar 2016 but he is still not convinced that this process is the right choice for me - he says it will only show my 2 daughters that normal methods will NOT work and that they can just give up now with trying maintaining their weight.

My question here is - who do you tell about this surgery? I've considered telling the kids but decided not to tell them as I don't want them to be negative about it - I just don't need more negative reactions like my husband's..... Also, a friend of mine went for this surgery and the people at work has been discussing her behind her back in such a distasteful manner even though she now looks stunning!

Because of my husbands reaction the 1st time I don't even feel like taking him with me to all my appointments as I have never shared my weight with him so if he sees that I think my pride will be completely ruined...... My parents will not understand why I want to do this surgery either so please tell me - what is/was your experiences?

I am planning to share these feelings when I go for my Psychological assessment too - just curious as to see what others felt around this topic. I have made up my mind 100% and there is no turning back on my decision to go - it's just THIS part of the journey that is really no fun!

[reree6898 1,164]

I see you posted in the bypass thread I was a sleeve patient but none the less surgery is surgery. I was very selective in who I told because of fear of the negativity. However your husband needs to realize that life changing permanent alterations to your body is by no means an easy way out. Like many others have said it is a tool to aid you in making the changes needed to gain health. Having the sleeve done has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life but at 9 weeks out and 44 pounds down I am feeling better then I have in a long time. I have three children myself and I was open and honest with them about my choice and that I needed the extra help to lose the weight and they have been so supportive and encouraging as they are seeing the changes in me. I hope all the best for you and hope that you get the family support that you need.

[dlh16 22]

On the opposite, I shouted to the world about my surgery. I have struggled my entire life with weight. I'm now 46 yo and I'm tired !! My bones can't handle the weight like they did when I was twenty !! Nobody and I mean nobody knows your inner self but YOU !!!! There is no easy way out !! I have friends that ask why because I'm just over 220 lbs..no matter how much over weight I may be, my body is tired !! This is a life changing experience that we are about to go through and I welcome it. I'm happy to hear your 100% yes on this because it's about YOU not them !! Gd luck ????

[TMG1980TMG 136]

During pre-op I only told my husband, sister, and mom. My mom was nervous but supportive- my sister has weight loss surgery a few months before me so we were going through the process at the same time. My sister was my biggest champion!

My husband was very supportive at first- he knew I would make my own decision-- the closer it got to surgery he stressed and freaked out a bit. He didn't want me to have surgery the night before- he was very worried about me getting injured or even death during surgery!

With my husband I have had to go over my thought process over and over again.

I didn't tell anyone at work what surgery I was having-- I didn't want horror stories or other opinions after I researched and made my own choices.

I am two months out and still have to remind my husband everything is going well- every time I vomit or have a pain my husband is worried about me. I think as time goes on he will relax a bit!

When I returned to work I told anyone who asked about looking great-weight loss. Everyone at my hospital has been really supportive! We talk about all the time-- I hope something else happens soon soon so I am not the new issue anymore!

All in all I have had only positive response- I haven't really told my extended family because I haven't seen them yet!

[Ashlegal 525]

First off, anyone who views the tool WLS provides to lose the weight to have a healthier, better quality of life, is an idiot.

This is not an easy decision to make. It is not an easy way to lose the weight. It is not an easy journey to take.

Is it easier than dieting and exercising? Not if your whole life when every diet and exercising attempt has been a failure.

Do other people lose the weight without surgery? Duh. But those other people are not you, they may have not had your opportunity for WLS. They may not have had the health issues or the emotional issues or the necessities it takes to get approved for surgery.

WLS is a tool. Nothing more. It is not a quick fix. It is not an easy escape. You have to dedicate yourself to a completely different way of life. Many people are ignorant to the facts of WLS and what it requires from those who want it or have had it done.

Edited December 4, 2015 by Ashlegal

[Protea 4]

Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate it very much!

[1041mom 31]

For this reason alone is why I chose to only tell my fiancé.. No one else will really understand why I made this decision, especially since most of my family and friends do not have weight issues.. It's been lonely sometimes and I wish I had more people I could talk to about things but that's what makes me thankful for BP!!

[foodfighter78 258]

Easy way out hahaha after surgery there are so many possible complications I feel like in a ticking bomb. Anytime I have a pain, I feel sick, get constipated, get diarrhea etc etc but it's all worth it. Do it for yourself. But it's not easy

[Dar200 285]

Statistics show that 95% of people who lose a significant amount of weight with diet and exercise alone gain it all back. I obviously wasn't one of the 5% people, I had lost and regained the same weight over and over again, each time gaining a little more on top of it. Somewhere around 80 to 85% of people who lose weight after having weight loss surgery keep it off! Those odds sounded so much better to me! And there is nothing easy about this. Diet and exercise will be extremely important. I don't think I've ever been so aware of what I'm eating and how much exercise I'm getting. This is a new way of life. Im using the tool and I'm certainly grateful for it. I'm five weeks out from surgery and feel better about myself than I have in years. That is more important than whatever small minded people can come up with to gossip about.

[Dar200 285]

By the way, I've told everyone about my surgery. If I worked in an office, I probably would not tell anyone at work. Worst gossip atmosphere in the world and I hate the feeling that people are watching me or ganging up on me in some gossipy atmosphere. Nope. Wouldn't tell work people.

[hunnycup 14]

I am not going to tell my coworkers. They are a very judgmental bunch of people as it is! I have told my husband, my sister and two of my friends whom I work out with and who may not understand but are not judging me. I know eventually people will start talking and figure it out but I think once it's over I won't care as much. What I don't want is for people to talk me out of it or into it or give me their opinions at all. This is my fight and I have to live with my decision. I am not sure what I will tell my kids, the 8 year old will not understand, the 11 year old has Aspergers and won't get it, my 13 yo....I am not sure.

[Niki15 198]

I had only told my dad , brother and sister as they live in Michigan and I want to suprise evryone else when I go up to visit.. I was laid off my job right before I got the surgery so when I get a new job if they ask about me loosing weight I may just say diet and excersice

[Djmohr 6,965]

It is really really important to educate your husband about the disease called obesity. It is a metabolic disease that actually works completely against you losing weight and keeping that weight off permanently.

Yes, people lose through diet and exercise but most gain it all back and then some. As you get older you actually begin to have problems losing by at all and suddenly 250lbs becomes 300 and 300 becomes 400.

Education is the absolute key to helping him understand you are trying to live a longer healthier ice. By the way, you will work harder than you ever have in your life following weight loss surgery. You literally condition yourself to think about every morsel you put in your mouth and every moment you are not active. It is a life of trial and error and an incredible commitment.

If you take him to your Bariatric team and ask him to attend the classes, he might just become more educated about what you are dealing with.

He may understand that living the way you do now is literally killing you very very slowly. Also, this disease can be hereditary so if you can learn and teach your children maybe your children won't make this disease worse for them. Every time we yo yo diet, skip a meal we make the metabolic disorder worse.

As far as sharing with anyone outside your family, wait until your education is so solid that you help educate others. People don't understand this disease and choose not to. It is not as simple as diet and exercise.

Good luck to you!

[greeneyezz 11]

The only person i told was my sister and brother. I asked them not to say anything about it to anyone. My husband dosent even know i had the gastric bypass done on December 2nd. He was very against it when i told him about it. So i did it behind his back. I want to tell him. But im scared what he would think ????

On December 2nd i went in to have my gall bladder removed and had the bypass done all in one shot. My husband thinks i just had my gall bladder removed. Its hurting me inside that i cant share this journey with him ????????

[TMG1980TMG 136]

The only person i told was my sister and brother. I asked them not to say anything about it to anyone. My husband dosent even know i had the gastric bypass done on December 2nd. He was very against it when i told him about it. So i did it behind his back. I want to tell him. But im scared what he would think ????

On December 2nd i went in to have my gall bladder removed and had the bypass done all in one shot. My husband thinks i just had my gall bladder removed. Its hurting me inside that i cant share this journey with him ????????

That's really tough. ????

My husband wasn't "happy" about it but he knew I was going to make up my own mind.

Do you plan to tell him? Don't you think he will guess when you are loosing weight?