31yo newbie. How to break the news to everyone -- need your advice!

[FitandFreeEmily 1]

Hi, everyone!

I'm just starting this whole journey, currently awaiting my first big seminar (six-hours long!) newbie at my bariatric center. I'm 31, married, one kiddo, and live in Iowa City. Without going into my big long backstory (you can see that on my profile), I need to jump right into my question:

How did you break the news to your family / friends / co-workers?

Pretty much no one in my life is overweight, and if they are -- they definitely aren't dealing with their issues. My father especially is a very fit man (always has been), and it's hard for him to understand my issues. We don't talk too much about it. I've brought up from time to time that I'm in therapy, that I'm addressing my eating disorder, but even that... he just can't really relate. I don't blame him for this, but I'm worried about trying to get him to understand my decision for surgery.

Now, I know that I'm a grown-ass woman (ha!) who doesn't NEED approval from others. This is why I posted in the age-group thread. I'm at that weird place in life where I still feel like I kind of need to tell my family before making any big decisions. Thankfully my husband and close friends are 100% supportive and that really IS enough. But I have a long and public history with my weight loss journey. I used to write a fairly successful blog and have a public IG (@FitandFreeEmily) where I plan to update my followers with this decision. I'm bracing myself for the "you're taking the easy way out" from followers, but I'd like to know an eloquent way to address these comments head-on.

Any suggestions? How did you tell people in your life? Did you have to deal with any negative comments?

ANY help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I'm so beyond ready for this.

Thank you!!

- Emily

(PS - I haven't had any coffee and my 5yo is being a small tornado around me... so I apologize for any typos or incomplete thoughts. )

Edited November 28, 2015 by FitandFreeEmily

[lauraellen80 855]

I'm 34, about to turn 35, and I completely emphasize with feeling like you're in an "in-between" stage in life. I continue to wonder when I'll feel like I'm truly a "real" grownup!

A lot of people on both sides of my family struggle with their weight, and I lost an aunt almost exactly a year ago to complications from diabetes and morbid obesity, so talking about surgery to my family wasn't an issue. My mom was the one who brought up the idea to me in the first place (which, yeah, I didn't take well initially).

As far as friends, though... my husband and my circle of friends mainly consist of super-healthy people who do triathlons and ultra marathons and stuff. I felt weird about telling them because, like your dad, I felt like they just wouldn't get where I was coming from. But honestly, they surprised me by being very supportive (we went to the shore with them a couple weeks after my surgery, when I had just started puréed/soft foods, and I couldn't get my incisions wet in the ocean yet, so obviously something was up). So, the people in your life may surprise you--and if not, keep reminding yourself that you are indeed a "grown-ass woman" and don't need anyone's permission to do what's best for you! Good luck!

[Tssiemer1 549]

I just turned 30 in October. I started this journey in August.

I literally just put it on my Facebook and I started a blog.

This is how I knew that like 5 people care about my posts on Facebook.

I think it's easier that people know. I get a lot of questions, but I also get support and people always ask what I need to eat and drink, etc.

[dhrguru 1,238]

Hi, everyone!

I'm just starting this whole journey, currently awaiting my first big seminar (six-hours long!) newbie at my bariatric center. I'm 31, married, one kiddo, and live in Iowa City. Without going into my big long backstory (you can see that on my profile), I need to jump right into my question:

How did you break the news to your family / friends / co-workers?

Pretty much no one in my life is overweight, and if they are -- they definitely aren't dealing with their issues. My father especially is a very fit man (always has been), and it's hard for him to understand my issues. We don't talk too much about it. I've brought up from time to time that I'm in therapy, that I'm addressing my eating disorder, but even that... he just can't really relate. I don't blame him for this, but I'm worried about trying to get him to understand my decision for surgery.

Now, I know that I'm a grown-ass woman (ha!) who doesn't NEED approval from others. This is why I posted in the age-group thread. I'm at that weird place in life where I still feel like I kind of need to tell my family before making any big decisions. Thankfully my husband and close friends are 100% supportive and that really IS enough. But I have a long and public history with my weight loss journey. I used to write a fairly successful blog and have a public IG (@FitandFreeEmily) where I plan to update my followers with this decision. I'm bracing myself for the "you're taking the easy way out" from followers, but I'd like to know an eloquent way to address these comments head-on.

Any suggestions? How did you tell people in your life? Did you have to deal with any negative comments?

ANY help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I'm so beyond ready for this.

Thank you!!

- Emily

(PS - I haven't had any coffee and my 5yo is being a small tornado around me... so I apologize for any typos or incomplete thoughts. )

I'm 38, married, a mom etc.

My advice, tell the select few you know will be supportive, or at least willing to learn about process with you.

I told my husband I wanted surgery, he asked why and said ok. I told my sister's, (1 who had WLS) we are close so I knew they'd be supportive. My Mom has a tendency to be a negative Nellie, so I didn't tell her until a few days before surgery. Told no one at work. I feel that because I kept who I told to a minimum, I don't deal with negative comments. All feed back has been positive.

[ShrinkingButtercup 60]

I turned 30 in June! I have a long term boyfriend, no kids.

I decided on surgery a few weeks before my birthday so at my annual birthday Breakfast (Where I invite all my friends and eat pancakes), I announced it to everyone. I've never been one to keep things from my nearest and dearest. Also, I thought it would keep me accountable if I told everyone.

Everyone is pretty supportive, lucky for me. But my boyfriend is a little less so for reasons he can't seem to articulate. He just doesn't want me to do it.

[FitandFreeEmily 1]

I'm 34, about to turn 35, and I completely emphasize with feeling like you're in an "in-between" stage in life. I continue to wonder when I'll feel like I'm truly a "real" grownup!

A lot of people on both sides of my family struggle with their weight, and I lost an aunt almost exactly a year ago to complications from diabetes and morbid obesity, so talking about surgery to my family wasn't an issue. My mom was the one who brought up the idea to me in the first place (which, yeah, I didn't take well initially).

As far as friends, though... my husband and my circle of friends mainly consist of super-healthy people who do triathlons and ultra marathons and stuff. I felt weird about telling them because, like your dad, I felt like they just wouldn't get where I was coming from. But honestly, they surprised me by being very supportive (we went to the shore with them a couple weeks after my surgery, when I had just started puréed/soft foods, and I couldn't get my incisions wet in the ocean yet, so obviously something was up). So, the people in your life may surprise you--and if not, keep reminding yourself that you are indeed a "grown-ass woman" and don't need anyone's permission to do what's best for you! Good luck!

Yes! that "in-between" stage is exactly what I'm feeling. I think you're right, people might surprise me. And if they don't -- o well, right? Thank you for your insight!

[FitandFreeEmily 1]

I just turned 30 in October. I started this journey in August.

I literally just put it on my Facebook and I started a blog.

This is how I knew that like 5 people care about my posts on Facebook.

I think it's easier that people know. I get a lot of questions, but I also get support and people always ask what I need to eat and drink, etc.

I think you're right -- it'll be a lot easier to get get it out in the open. I just noticed you're 5 days post-op! How are you feeling??

[FitandFreeEmily 1]

But my boyfriend is a little less so for reasons he can't seem to articulate. He just doesn't want me to do it.

This happened between my husband and I, at first. I went through a laundry list of reasons with my therapist as to why he might be hesitant: maybe he's afraid I'll outgrow him with my changes, he's threatened by such a change, he's worried about what people might think, etc. Turns out he finally just admitted that he was afraid of seeing me try something and not succeed and how that might effect my mental state. Maybe your boyfriend feels the same way!

Good luck with your surgery -- only a little more than one week out!

[catwoman7 11,212]

my family and close friends know. My boss and the HR person also know (because they approved my leave of absence from work). Other people didn't really start noticing I'd lost weight until I'd already lost about 60 lbs, and by then, I was only losing about 2 lbs a week, so they believed me when I told them that I'd been working with a dietitian and exercising like crazy (which is actually true....). I doubt any of them would be unsupportive, but I just didn't want people to know.

[newmebithebypass 713]

I just recently told my dad. I'm married with no kids but I handle all his medical stuff and I'm closest with him of all my siblings and I thought he would be against it but he's super happy that I'm doing something about my weight after all these years were getting healthy together because we've always been big. I told my hubby and his whole family and they frankly are rock stars and are cheering on every pound lost and every milestone