Is Anyone Thankful for Me?

[Amanda Dutton LPC 217]

What are you thankful for this year?

Your home? Your job? Your family?

What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?

We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.

It feels selfish.

So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?

Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.

Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:

If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.

Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:

What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.

Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.

Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.

Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:

Give yourself permission to say “no.”

Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.

Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.

You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.

Expect others to push your boundaries.

Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.

By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.

Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.

It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

[Bandista 7,466]

When I elected to have weight loss surgery I knew it was a big deal for me but I had no idea how it would impact my life as a whole. Choosing myself first and my healthy future has given me so much self-esteem. I'm thrilled with the weight loss but this unexpected aspect of empowerment is truly amazing. Thanks for addressing this so eloquently!

[Alex Brecher 10,515]

Amanda, Great article! Thank you for this reminder to value ourselves.

You are so right that we deserve to. Also, valuing ourselves and treating ourselves right really IS the first step towards being able to be more valuable to other people. When we’re healthy, happy, and productive, we’re more willing and much better able to give to others. It is self-less!

These are some really good practical tips for actually implementing the philosophy! Thanks for reminding us to expect a little resistance, and for realizing we need to take care of ourselves if we expect to be capable of taking care of others.

A good holiday to you!

[newmebithebypass 713]

I'm the type of person that has always put others before myself. I just want the people around me to be happy and healthy. But I am learning with this surgery that I need to take care of me if I'm gonna be able to take care of other people