From the Peak of Despair to Tiny Underwear

[chasingpolaris321 214]

I'm a year a three months out of my surgery, and I figured this is as good a time as any to share my story. I always found other people's journeys so helpful, and I hope someone can benefit from hearing mine.

I definitely struggled a bit with my weight when I was younger. Even with playing sports I was heavier than my friends, and I have a critical mother who frequently put me on one diet after another, fostering some pretty unhealthy feelings about food. My weight didn't really become an issue until my late teens, when I struggled with some mental health issues that resulted in a weight gain of more than 50 pounds in a year.

In between high school and college, I went to a summer weight loss camp, and that helped bring me down to a more regular, albeit still unhealthy, weight. However, the following years I really struggled and was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. In the period leading up my my diagnosis, some poor medication decisions and my emotional struggles contributed to a rapid weight gain of around 80 pounds, bringing me to my all time high of 250lbs. I tried dieting, weight loss programs, weight controlling medication, and I never could get more than 20lbs off. I had finally got my psychotropic medications right, but I was left feeling pretty defeated and exhausted by everything that had transpired.

Even though I was struggling, I was always an excellent student and I was accepted to attend an Ivy League school for my master's degree. My program was extremely intense, and my peers were all very high achieving and disciplined. I was one of two people in our class of over 100 with a weight problem, and I isolated myself a bit because I was so uncomfortable.

I am an avid traveler and studied and work in the International Development field. During my lower weight in college, I spent close to a year studying and working in Madagascar and Uganda, and felt very much at home traveling and learning about other people and cultures, and working on projects to tackle rural poverty. My early twenties were very fulfilling, and I went to grad school wanting to continue the work I had done.

Towards the end of grad school, I was on a trip to Alaska with my family and it struck me how miserable I had become because of my weight. I had already been participating in a weight loss program luckily run by a physician, and so when I decided to have surgery I had already fulfilled all of the requirements. I decided to have the sleeve, and within a month I had surgery.

My life has improved drastically and I am ten thousand percent certain that this was the best and only option for me to be successful. Seven months into surgery, I accepted a position with a very large US NGO, and was relocated to South Africa to begin managing the NGO's 21 country programs in Africa. I work on public health programs for people with intellectual disabilities, and am so thankful that I have been able to work in an area that I am passionate about. I would not have been able to do this job at the weight that I was.

Just in the seven months I've worked in South Africa, I have traveled to our programs in Nigeria, Uganda, Malawi, and Zimbabwe. These trips require a lot of physical activity, and I'm often in areas where you have to walk long distances is very warm weather, and spend a lot of time sitting on the ground and working long hours. For a vacation this summer, I went on a horse trek to Kyrgyzstan, riding for 6-8 hours a day and sleeping on mats in rural yurts with nomadic people. I cannot properly articulate how amazing it feels to be able to do the things I've always wanted to do.

Having WLS was certainly not a walk in the park. I struggled a lot for the first several months with fatigue and a series of frustrating medical issues. I had my gallbladder removed a month after surgery, and I got c diff in the hospital. Finally being able to lose a significant amount of weight helped me to stick with the program and kept me motivated. As of this morning, I've lost 103 pounds and am solidly a normal weight. I'm still working on those last stubborn pounds, but I feel confident that I am going to reach my goal.

I'll end with this--last week I was working in Malawi at a training for Optometry students to help them learn how to work with people who have intellectual disabilities. We screened a hundred kids, and many of them got new glasses to improve their vision. It was close to 100 degrees, and I was able to walk kids between different locations and carry heavy equipment for over eight hours. People didn't look at me strangely like they did when I was obese (unsurprisingly, obesity isn't as common in many parts of Africa), and I just felt normal. I've realized that being a healthy weight doesn't necessarily induce euphoria like I imagined it would when I was at my highest weight. Instead, it is the constant noticeable absences of discomfort, shame, and sadness. We all have our own feelings about body image and weight, but for me, I have a new perspective and appreciation for my "normal" problems. My boss might piss me off, I might get stressed about money, I might just have generally bad days sometimes, but I don't spend my day feeling like everything about my body is uncomfortable, embarrassing, and limiting.

I very much admire and appreciate everyone on this site. If you are new, know that there will be some very serious struggles, and that perfection is not a long term reality. The further out you are the harder it gets to stay focused. But don't let that stop you from fighting. The sleeve helps stop the spiraling out of control that many of us have experienced, but ultimately your brain and attitude are responsible for keeping you on track. Good luck to everyone, and when you inevitably fall, get the hell back up.

[Sleeved11/13/15 9]

Great story! Thanks for sharing.

[lorri716 256]

What an awesome story. Congrats on your success.

[The Candidate 3,215]

I really connected with your comments about weight loss not bringing you the euphoria you expected, but instead allowed you to feel normal and at peace in situations where before you would have stood out as obese. It's not about instant happiness. It's about finally being comfortable with your own body image, which in turn gives you the courage to reach for goals you wouldn't have tried before.

You are living life out loud and are certainly an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your story.

[fernandfj 469]

Thanks for sharing your story and providing a much appreciated perspective from over a year out. I lived in Angola for two years near my peak weight of almost 350 lbs. and I lived many of the quizzical looks you mentioned. I wish you continued success in your WLS journey and your professional endeavors!

[Joz31 90]

Congrats on all your successes, what great inspiration!

[Mom26 313]

Congratulations on your successes, especially your weight loss. May you continue to be blessed and share those blessings with those less fortunate that you work with.

[hildaruiz29 16]

Beautiful motivational story! So happy for you! Keep the good work!

[MissNOLAGirl 6]

All.of.this. You spoke to my spirit! Congratulations on everything!!

[chasingpolaris321 214]

Thanks all! Wishing everyone the very best :-)