Anyone forced to have LB & hate having it all the time?

[anonemouse 1]

wjbuv: My post was not directed at you - only at the original post!

You sound as if you are completely at odds with your band. I doubt if you can expect to be successful if you resent having the band.

I have battled depression for many years. I was holed up in my house, watching TV all day and eating and feeling sorry for myself. One of my neighbors recognized that I was that depressed and she insisted that I go to Curves with her one day. I resisted for a week or so until she promised me that we'd go to lunch afterwards. I didn't even have any work out clothes.

That was the beginning of getting me back in the world of the living. I went for a check up, got put on blood pressure and cholesterol medications and he put me on an anti-depressant because he observed my depression, not because I asked for it.

As for the control issues you're facing, make no mistake, YOU are in control of what happens to your body. NOT THE BAND. At best, the band is simply a tool that you can work with for weight loss success. Or at its' worst, the band is an encumbrance to your long-time confortable way of eating and it is making you depressed because the band wants you to give up that careless lifestyle and quit eating so much food.

Yeah, the band makes you uncomfortable, you have gas, you have bloating, and you have pain if you don't eat FOR the band instead of against it. That's really the point of having the band.

If you have actual depression (not just that you've hit a low spot for a short period of time), you probably need some kind of chemical for the depression and some kind of psychologist-type therapy.

You can't be expected to pull yourself out of it when it is something that is biological and/or chemical causing an imbalance in your brain.

I hope you will seek help and get somebody who is really good at recognizing depression and knows what to do to help you. I would consider keeping the band, if I were you, until I got the depression straighted out. But if you absolutely HATE having the band, by all means have it removed. Just think long and hard about who you are and where you'll be if you give up on it.

You are certainly not the first person, and won't be the last, who was unhappy with the performance of the band and disappointed in how they feel with the band. But you ARE in control of everything in your life... IF you choose to be.

It's easy to feel like a victim! That's one reason why people here have little patience with someone who blames the band for how they feel. We've learned that if we want health and a slimmer body, it's up to us, not the band. We know that if we don't want gas, bloating, bulging port and all the rest, we have to stop eating so much and we have to start moving more.

Good luck to you in your decision making. It is all up to you. Whether its' keep the band, or get rid of the band, get control of your life. You're the only one who can.

Very well said, BJean. That's one of the best pieces of advice I've seen on the board. WE are the only people in control of our lives. Not our families, not our doctors, not our bands. If we don't like how we are reacting to something (whether it's the band or something else), we are the ones responsible for changing. The vast majority of us can't honestly blame our bands for making us uncomfortable or for our lack of weight-loss, because in the end, it's you and me that make the choice to eat against the band (by eating foods that make us uncomfortable, eating too quickly, eating large bites, drinking with meals, etc.) or not moving the way we should. Our bands don't make us do that, WE make the decision to do that. There are really very few people on this board who can truly blame their bands. Don't get me wrong, there are people here who just physically can't tolerate the band. I can name at least one person who had a swallowing disorder that was undiagnosed before the band, and she's unable to tolerate any fill whatsoever because of it. But she's the exception.

[wjbluv 1]

I didn't mean to sound like I was blaming my band for my failure, I find I am unable to cope with my life AND living with the band. Being banded is a lifestyle you must adapt to. It is hard work and I was successful in the begining, it was only after my trials did I fail. I was hoping to make that clear. I must work on my writing skills.

I am looking for options on removal, but in no way am I looking for imeadiate removal.

I am not a victim, I don't even see where that word was mentioned by me. My telling you of my struggles in the first year of being banded was to illistrate why I am seeking removal, one less stressor. One less thing to cope with and one less thing to learn to function through one less kind of pain.

I too joined curves at the urging of a friend who was trying to open me up more and hoping to ease my depressiong, and yes it does help. Shouldn't I be proud I kept going after everything? Why would anyone say that was lazy?

The band is just an added stress while I'm adjusting to life after the death of four people who ment the world to me, one in particular the man I wanted to marry. He loved me no matter my size. I was not prepared to lose that support especially in the month after my surgery.

I am not blaming the band for my failure in anyway. The failure was my inability to cope. I still am unsure of my ability to cope.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

The band is just an added stress while I'm adjusting to life after the death of four people who ment the world to me, one in particular the man I wanted to marry. He loved me no matter my size. I was not prepared to lose that support especially in the month after my surgery.

I am not blaming the band for my failure in anyway. The failure was my inability to cope. I still am unsure of my ability to cope.

Something I want to add.

First of all I am sincerely sorry for your loss, it is quite difficult at best.

One of the issues of being fat is that we tend to rely upon food a bit too much. We eat it when we aren't even hungry just because it is there. We eat when we are bored, we eat when we are happy, sad, depressed, lonely, we eat it all the freak'en time!

I think there comes a point, even during the worst of times, where we have to decide if this is a lifestyle change or not. Do we want to have it removed with each bump in the road that comes with life? People are going to die throughout your whole life. Aren't you really suggesting that you should have the band removed because you want to binge? Or eat all the wrong foods? Isn't it the binging and wrong food choices that got us fat?

Shouldn't there come a point in life where we find a new way to deal with stress and the horrors of life? Eating is not the answer, not unless we want to die. If you are 300# you need to do something NOW. You need to resolve some of these issues, food, grief, the works. It's now, it's time.

I don't know, from the limited amount you have written I see it as you have a choice, one of two choices. Eat yourself to death due to grief or start dealing with the huge issues you are facing. From my point of view it seems as though it's time to pick one. I don't intend to sound like a cruel and heartless ass, I swear I don't. But this is your LIFE!

You can have the band removed and eat and eat and eat if that is really the way you feel it is best to deal with your issues, but isn't that a load? If you really get down to it, isn't it pretending this will fix issues within your life right now?

Regardless of WLS types you still have to do your part. You still have to watch what you are putting in your mouth. You already have a band, you already have a tool. I'd suggest using that tool and finding a different way to deal with stress. If you want to lose weight you are still going to have to learn new coping methods anyway. You can do it now or in another 100#. But it's going to happen.

Keep coming here, keep posting, vent, scream, whine, do it all. The rest of us do that! But don't have the band removed just so you can eat. It's not safe.

[wjbluv 1]

I apreciate you not WANTing to sound like a cold heartless a$$, but you are only reading what you want to read.

Does nobody actually read an entire post? I have said many things in my posts but I don't recall talking about wanting to EAT.

I said and I quote "I am looking for options on removal, but in no way am I looking for imeadiate removal. "

and the reason: "One less thing to cope with and one less thing to learn to function through one less kind of pain."

Which means I AM IN PHYSICAL PAIN from the band, the gas is one thing, but everytime I eat I IF I get solids I have to take TINY bites and chew VERY slowly, more so than what the doctors have explained over and over to me. THEY (meaning the doctors) unfilled me because of this... it has helped but not entirely. Nausea and shoulder pain are STILL a daily thing for me ON TOP of everything else. This has been going on Since the first day I was banded.

NO WHERE DID I SAY I WANTED THE BAND OFF TO EAT!!!! Where do you get this???

I know I haven't been as successful as the rest of you but why do you think I would get it off just to EAT!!!????

I lost 35lbs my first month...I went from 292lbs - 257lb...yay me...everybody dies then unfortunatly I began drinking alchohl and fruit juice...whole milk....ice cream...mashed potatos...because A.) those were the foods I could keep down and, B.) Yes they were comfort foods.

I gained back up to 278lbs and I stopped all the foolishness once I realized what I was doing...I switched to healthier semi-solid foods...I am back down to 270lbs( have since been mantaining that weight), however the weight gain I am most disapointed about was the gain of FAT and Loss of Muscle that is what really worried me...

lifting weights had to stop because of port pain. stretching my arms over my head or twisting, crunches all resulted in feeling like my port was being ripped from my muscle. Curves hurts but if I start to over tax myself (unlike other gyms) no one puts me down or looks at me in disgust for taking it easy til the pain gets to an easier point and I can begin again. BUT I KEEP GOING!

I have also said that I have been working to correct what I've been doing...instead of a milk and Ice cream I'm now just sipping slimfast. I can keep that down. THAT is also a baby step in the right direction is it not??

I know how big I am I know I could gain more weight with band removal...thats why I am just taking in OPTIONS. Being on the band isn't the easy way to lose weight...so why would you attack me for wanting the option of removal which is Obviously a harder way???

Instead of trying to talk me into keeping the band users attack me and call me stupid and lazy and to top it off you think I want if off for the sole pleasure of EATING?

I could have kept eating the ice cream and mashed potoatos and shakes if all I really wanted was to eat because those were my comfort foods before the band anyway. But I haven't...I am 22lbs down STILL from my heaviest.

What are banders who are happy with their bands doing on a thread for people who aren't happy anyway? Do you get a sick kick out of making people who probly already feel like failures feel THAT musch worse about themselves?? Do you feel better?

You said come here to vent and scream and whine...I thought thats what I was doing...but as of yet you and the others have not allowed me to do so without feeling like a complete A$$.

Like you said, this is MY LIFE and MY experiance how could you take what I said so personally when I've been spending all my time defending your attacks? Better question; why would I want to be a part of such a judgemental community?

I thougt I was in a forum where I could complain and discuss removal without judgement.

I am grateful for those who have given me the little kind support I have recieved.

I'm hurt and disapointed in those of you who think I'm looking for an easy way out...by now there is no such thing as the easy way, I am damned if I remove (no tool to help in my weightloss) and damned if I leave it in (constant physical pain)

[wjbluv 1]

Yes I am seeing a doctor for my discomfort...and all they can tell me is stay unfilled and keep my foods soft. So please don't talk about me seeing a doctor for my pain. The closest band doctors are a two hour drive a way and I'm a student full time and I work full time. Plus they won't take on patients they didn't band.

NOw I sit and wait for you to make me feel like an idiot for trying to explain myself yet again...I must be a masochist.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Okay, I give up. Not sure what I can do to help.

Good luck to you.

[wjbluv 1]

I was never seeking help, just understanding.

I know in some twisted way putting me down was the other posters way of "helping" yet you knew it was going to sound heartless, so why did you post it? I still don't understand where you got the idea I wanted the band removed to eat. Even I know (as screwed up as I seem) that would be a rediculous idea.

I know I have been on the defensive, and I'm sorry for getting angry, but can you blame me?

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I was never seeking help, just understanding.

I know in some twisted way putting me down was the other posters way of "helping" yet you knew it was going to sound heartless, so why did you post it? I still don't understand where you got the idea I wanted the band removed to eat. Even I know (as screwed up as I seem) that would be a rediculous idea.

I know I have been on the defensive, and I'm sorry for getting angry, but can you blame me?

My writing style is very blunt. I am not all sweetness and light, it's not me. When I try to post that way it comes off as fake, so I write like me.

You aren't looking for that right now. It's more than clear you don't want to hear what I have to say. Fair enough.

Good luck to you.

[Gone4Now 4]

wjbluv -

I am sorry for your losses that you've had recently. I also apologize if you mentioned this in a previous posts, but: have you seeked therapy for these feelings?

It seems to me that you're turning to food for comfort and are trying to break free from that, by the sound of it. I would encourage a therapists. I recently started seeing someone periodically, due to some stresses in my personal life and at work. Just talking about my problems out loud made me feel better. I know that seems simplistic, but it could help you sort out these feelings.

I've read posts to you and I urge you to try to see them for what they are: help. In cyber space, it's hard to give advice and/or help someone without words getting skewed. I know you're looking for understanding, not help. But, sometimes it's hard for people to see someone who's hurting and not try to help. Those are the good people in the world that don't just stand by - they jump in and try their best to help people.

:drool: But, please don't be defensive or angry at the way things are said or done...and please give this site another chance. I have found so much helpful information about my band here and maybe it can get you past your upset at the band. It's a great community, please give it a chance.

[anonemouse 1]

I was never seeking help, just understanding.

I know in some twisted way putting me down was the other posters way of "helping" yet you knew it was going to sound heartless, so why did you post it? I still don't understand where you got the idea I wanted the band removed to eat. Even I know (as screwed up as I seem) that would be a rediculous idea.

I know I have been on the defensive, and I'm sorry for getting angry, but can you blame me?

Most of us here are not the type to just pat someone on the hand and say, "There, there." We're the type to tell someone, "Okay, you've had your cry, now let's see what we can do to change your situation and improve it." If we see something that a member can do to improve their own situation, we tell them about it. Like many of us have said in past threads, constant agreement with someone isn't support. We are compassionate and we are helpful, but we do expect people to take responsibility for their lives and their actions. If you can't eat solids, try drinking low-calorie/high-Protein liquids. Ask WASa, she did it and she's at goal now. If you can't do harder exercise, try Water aerobics or something low-impact. Other members have. If you're having problems with grief or with coping, try seeing a therapist or counsellor. Don't just blow up at people who suggest valid possibilities for helping you without actually considering what they say.

[wjbluv 1]

My writing style is very blunt. I am not all sweetness and light, it's not me. When I try to post that way it comes off as fake, so I write like me.

You aren't looking for that right now. It's more than clear you don't want to hear what I have to say. Fair enough.

Good luck to you.

First, thank you for your wish of luck.

Second;

What you had to said was not helpful or supportive, blunt or not. You were commenting on an issue of false assumption not on fact. (Band removal for the sake of eating?)

What you are not hearing is that I AM working to get a hold of my life again, even if that is working with the band. I am merely looking at options that you obviously don't agree with.

Again thats why I'm in a forum for those talking about the option of removal.

Obviously you don't need to be here...you are very successful and happy with your band.

Congrats.

[wjbluv 1]

I have never said I hadn't seen a grief therapist.

I only turned to my comfort foods for about two monthes after the deaths. I have since been trying to do damnage control AND cope with my losses. I have posted this before.

I am angry because it seems everyone thinks I have been on a bender of self distruction until I came to this forum several days ago. That I have been completely helpless and done nothing assertive and just hid in a closet for the past year. I have been living WITH the band for longer than I worked against it.

On my doctor's orders I am working with an unfilled band.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

First, thank you for your wish of luck.

Second;

What you had to said was not helpful or supportive, blunt or not. You were commenting on an issue of false assumption not on fact. (Band removal for the sake of eating?)

What you are not hearing is that I AM working to get a hold of my life again, even if that is working with the band. I am merely looking at options that you obviously don't agree with.

Again thats why I'm in a forum for those talking about the option of removal.

Obviously you don't need to be here...you are very successful and happy with your band.

Congrats.

And again, good luck to you!

[anonemouse 1]

Actually, you've complained several times about it hurting to eat. It isn't a leap at all to infer that you would like to eat pain-free, is it?

[j_war06 0]

I was so cruel in my posting because the way it was written sounded like ohhhh Im uncomfortable so its not worth it...I have dealt with pain in my band, so have MOST of the people here...we all get "stuck" and have issues with it at some time. My band hasnt worked as well as for some people, but it seems to work a lot better when Im paying attention and writing down my caloric intake. I went through a whole 3 weeks or so where I puked up every single thing I ate or drank....people at college thought I was bullimic and doing it on purpose until I sat down and had a talk with them.

If you dont want your band, get it removed. Its okay to discuss why you want it removed, however when you are complaining about it being uncomfortable so you want it removed so you can eat without still feeling hungry in the bottom of your tummy (false hunger really) and that you've gone to curves (which I do understand works for people and will cause someone to break a sweat) but your not seeing results when you could easily go join a gym and work out harder, that is just disrespectful to those who work their asses off to make sure they get their money's worth out of this surgery. This site was created for people who want or have the surgery to support and advise others through their weightloss and banding journey, to sit up and talk about having it as an inconvenience in your life is rude to people who have suffered through more than that.

Just get it out or whatever you need to do to make yourself happy, thats what life is about...if someone is happy fat, let them be fat....if they strive for more, let them have more....but if your one who would rather be fat, Im sure that others would appreciate you not whining and complaining about a perfectly normal band. Life isnt always what is "should" be, it is what it is....everyone is different, everyone's experiences are different, thats what makes this forum interesting and helpful, however one person's norm is another person's odd.

Get happy and live your life by whatever means it takes....