Affirmation Needs?

[kelli7603 7]

Hi Everyone!

I had my surgery in May 2015. I have lost close to 100#. I have a very happy life, and do not want it to change. That being said, I am 2000 miles from home, with no friends. I am married, however, my hubby isn’t able emotionally to deal with the new me. I am alone most weekends and holidays. I know that since I have lost the weight, I have been craving for someone to pay attention to me, to be attracted to me, to think I am “normal”. That feeling has become overwhelming. All the people I am around now don’t know the fat girl, only the way I am now, they have no idea where I came from. I know that most of you that have lost lots have been through this. Any coping skills you can share?

[Ashlegal 525]

You ever think of getting into some therapy? Join a support group in your area? Get involved in your community? Take some different classes at a local community college?

It sounds as if you need to be involved in something to gain some new friends, new interests, a new hobby (or two).

You probably have a lot of time on your hands that creates unnecessary space to sit and think, dwell, over analyze on top of being alone.

I can tell you what works for me but ultimately you need to figure out what works for you.

I stay busy, I stay occupied and I don't accept excuses for myself. The fat girl you used to be, no longer exists. You have to let her go, you have to detach yourself from her and you have to accept your new identity.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Congratulations on the weight loss!

I have moved a few times in my life so know what it is like to need to make new friends.

The suggestion of finding a good support group and/or counselor or therapist is a good one.

I also agree with going out and meeting new people.

Do you have any hobbies? What are your interests?

Do you belong to a YMCA or gym? Do you like to dance? Play sports? If you like to run does your community have a track club? Ski? Do they have a ski club? Etc.

Consider taking classes. Our community has lots of classes and activities at the public library, a local arts center, and even out county extension service. Continuing Education and Community Education classes are often offered through community colleges, universities, and even high schools.

Do you go to church? A faith community is a good place to meet people and to also find ways to volunteer and be of service.

Are you interested in the outdoors or environmental issues? Check out The Sierra Club. They offer lots of outings. Other organizations offer chances to volunteer and meet new people.

I did hear in your post a tiny red flag when you said you needed someone to pay attention to you. Since you are married, I would caution you to be careful about what kind of attention you are seeking.

Otherwise, just be open and yourself and you will meet some new folks before you know it.

[kelly42wi 0]

I know how you feel. I had surgery in April 2015, have lost over 100# and am married. My husband is having a very hard time dealing with the new me and my weight loss. I do feel alone, frustrated and sad.

[psvzum 81]

I'm speaking from experience. I lost over 100 lbs, had a Tummy Tuck and saw how people looked at me differently. I loved it, craved it and looked for it. My husband didn't treat me any different then when I was obese.

I ended up "falling in love"/lust with two men and having flings with four others. I justified it by telling myself my husband didn't pay attention to me, didn't understand me. These men wanted me and two were in love with me.

I ended up ruining someone's marriage and broke his heart when I stopped the relationship.

The other man broke my heart and it took me years to get over it.

I've come to learn, I'm an addict. If it feels good or causes a heightened adrenaline rush, I can't get enough.

I'm still with my husband. Although he didn't change the way he looked at me, he continued to love me. He loved me fat and thin. Don't think for a second the men who are eyeing you now would give you the time of day when you were fat. And fall in love with you, marry you? Very doubtful.

You may not be able to relate to my experience but I think some will ring true.

Get into therapy. You are a new person with new feelings to sort out.

Stay strong!

Hugs

Pam