The fear of regain is REAL!

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

Have you tried suggesting to them to get the support that they need from OA or elsewhere? Have you talked with them about how it's just as important to address the emotional issues as the physical ones to set yourself up for success? I'm sure that you have already. It is just very very sad as you say but perhaps try to cut them some slack and be thankful that you have the skills and tools to deal with your issues even though they aren't there yet. And it is possible they never will be. As much loss and grief and trauma I have been through that got me to my pre-surgery place, when I think of what others are going through and dealing with (films like "Precious"), then I can just be so grateful that I didn't have it much worse. But easier said than done and I certainly have a super low frustration tolerance and a super high amount of venting re stupid people!!!

[Briardlady 73]

I'm really curious if your aunt and cousins had any kind of prep program, and what it was? I had two. The first, a six month class and supervised weight loss with monthly meetings, was a joke. I learned more in a week reading online forums. I think if I had just had that class, I'd be at high risk of failure. The second, the three month Kaiser options program with weekly meetings, actually taught me a lot.

To me, the variety of preparation for surgery is still fascinating, and I keep trying to correlate success / failure with prep.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

To me, the variety of preparation for surgery is still fascinating, and I keep trying to correlate success / failure with prep.

I'm sure the correlates of WLS success are many.

But however WLS patients learn about what's required for success, surely being sufficiently educated about what to eat and drink and how much and when is critical. Patients can learn all this online or in group classes or through one-on-one counseling or by studying their written materials.

I sometimes see people here who are ignorant of how they're supposed to eat / drink / exercise / take supplements after WLS. And yes, I do know that almost anyone who can pay for WLS can get it. But jeez Louise!

Sadly, I have not seen any studies that identify patients' post-op behavior changes, intellectual capabilities, psychological attributes and histories, pre-op physical and medical histories, quality of their support from family, peers, and bariatric centers, or other variables correlated with their degree of short- and long-term WLS success.

[bellabloom 2,467]

It's interesting to me what exactly "success" looks like. Does success mean getting to goal weight? Staying at goal weight? Losing 100 pounds off 400 pounds? Losing 50 pounds from 250 pounds? Being "thin"? Being only slightly overweight but healthy and happy? Being almost to goal or at goal and miserable?

Success means different things to different people. Some people lose the weight only to find they don't like it! Some people never move away from food as a coping tool. Some people just find it didn't matter to them that much.

People are just different and need different things to be happy. We have to accept people for what they are and focus on our own path.

What does "success" look like to you?

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@bellabloom ... I think that's a GREAT question.

It's so great, I think it deserves its own thread. Would you be willing to start one?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I think the key to maintainence long term is moderation and Portion Control combined with mindful eating, and the occasional check to make sure things are still on track. Being more relaxed and allowing some fun foods and not having to count every bite each day.

I wish I could get there myself.

I think that's the key to maintenance too, Bella. I believe you will get there. You just have to practice.

I have a friend on another WLS forum who's discovered she needs over 2,000 calories a day to stop losing weight and to maintain. She's asked for advice about what foods to eat. Suggestions include that she eat in moderation: nuts, whole milk, sweet and white potatoes (but not fried), whole grain brown rice, high-fiber breads, whole grain Pasta with meats, a few treats (dark chocolate), and more.

I'm not a fan of eating fast food or junk food or sliders to get calories up. But there is a much larger variety of healthy foods out there we can eat in maintenance than those we concentrated on during our weight loss phases.

Maintenance deserves a LOT of focus and concentration. Frankly, maintaining our weight is why we worked so hard to lose the weight. This is the real game we came to play.

I think successful maintenance is different for everyone. I wish what Bellabloom is saying could be true for me, but it is NOT. I am one who has to count every bite, and track them all. My required caloric intake requirement is far less than you might think it should be. I am on a permanent diet, and that's MY reality. That doesn't mean I never loosen up a little, because I do - and track it all. I do not suffer because of it, it's just what I have to do to maintain. It's worth it to me. To make a generalization that doing so implies pending failure is a little bit of a narrow view, and I imagine I'm not alone.

[maggie409 765]

Thank you for sharing your story. I have reached the point where the "non-desire" for food has gone away. Yesterday I felt very unsatisfied with food. I have lost 72 and have about 50 more to go. The sleeve is absolutely a tool and I am learning all I can so as to change my eating habits. Your post is a welcome reminder that we can't eat whatever we want and not regain or even be healthy. Thank you again!

[tomi71 581]

Stop comparing yourself. Years ago my aunt had the surgery and she gained every single oz back PLUS. I never told anyone about my surgery except my husband because a) while scared he supported me and I knew I'd hear from others, " your aunt had that surgery and look at her now!"

This is where a little tunnel vision comes in handy. I learned to stay in my lane and eff anyone and everyone who has unsolicited advise or opinions. I also almost never compare or obsess over the failures of others. You shouldn't either as you are doing this for yourself before all others.

Keep track of where you are now compared to the past and look forward to meeting more goals...especially non-scale victories. NSVs are so very important.

Best wishes to you!

[miller1109 116]

@@Stevehud Technically depending on whether Miller is a male/female (no information given on gender) If Miller is in fact a female she is still within normal limits. The very tip of normal range but still normal so she's not dangerously thin. Courtesy of the CDC.

Female and definitely not dangerously thin, I am on the low end the very low end of a normal BMI.

[Josey Quinn 187]

I'm glad you started this thread. As I sit here during my preop diet, telling myself that I do not need to go downstairs and eat again before bedtime, it's helpful to know that the temptation doesn't end with my surgery. This is merely phase one. And I will get stronger because I have to if I want to have the life I envision.

Edited December 1, 2015 by Josey Quinn

[BelleCurves 66]

Thank you for posting. This makes it clear to me that I need to follow my established plan, recognize my demons and stay out of danger - zones and excuses. I think it's remarkable for you to recognize these influences early on and fight against that.

[sparkles1971 47]

Surgery is a tool, not a cure all. If I you don't change your lifestyle with exercise and good food choices, it is a no brainer..:.you WILL regain. The choice is yours, and yes, the fear is very real.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

The fear is real. And it can happen even if you do change your life and make good choices. The truth is that for many of us, it takes very little calories to maintain our loss, and very few extra to see a gain. So, you can do the right thing the majority of the time, and still find the scale creeping up. That's why statistically people gain 10-15% back around year 2-3. Weight management is a lifelong commitment, and obesity is a disease we are never cured of.

I always feel like I'm one cookie away from 300 pounds!!

[Nibbler 71]

Sleeved Oct. 14:

Having so much trouble trying to find healthy food that i can tolerate. I've been living on veggie beef or veggie ground turkey Soups, hot Cereal, legumes and grits. Other than that I can seem to tolerate only crunchy cracker/cookie type foods.

I have tried and tried to learn to be able to eat yogurt/cottage cheese without hurling but i have not been able to. I tried tofu too.

I can't eat raw veggies yet (will i ever be able to?) I did manage a cucumber sliced very thin and chewed to infinity. I know that eating Peanut Butter crackers is not going to get me to goal. I wish I could tolerate eggs again. I miss them. I do eat hard cheese in small amounts but find myself reaching for the crunchies because I want something quick and innocuous to eat.

Any suggestions? I just want to eat like a normal human being #sotiredofdieting

[newlifebeginning 1]

I have a good friend who often says, "It's funny how the harder I work, the luckier I get." You could always say that to your relatives. ????