The fear of regain is REAL!

[Elode 8,093]

I have a tremendous fear of regaining the weight that I've lost. I was going through some recent pictures of the 3 family members of mine that have had WLS. Two had Gastric bypass and the (blonde pink shirt) had sleeve surgery 6 months before I did. All have regained weight, they don't look like they even had surgery. None of them ever reached any goal. These are current post (last week). The part that aggravates me is the excuses they come up with and the comments about how I'm just "lucky" that I lost so "easily". I see all the food post. It's not my place to call them out on the food they are eating. Seeing this can be discouraging at times but most of the time it makes me want to do anything possible NOT to end up like that. Maybe I'm wrong for using them as my motivation to succeed but it does scare me. I never know what to say when the remarks come in about how well I've done and all my so called "luck". What do you do?! I keep these pictures as my reminder of what can/will happen if I don't stick with my plan. Which just helped me stop at 6 1/2 Cheetos! Of course I've blocked all identity from the pictures for their privacy. Its not "luck" it's a constant "just say NO!" Attitude I have to food. It's not easy, it's never going to be easy. That's my reality. It's just a tool nothing more and nothing less.

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

oh wow. I'm going to use them as motivation too. I'm so sad that they had the surgery, and didn't do what they needed to do to lose the weight. I have those same fears. I think I'll stay in this site and keep talking to people like you so I can be reminded, if I ever forget why I had this surgery. So....I'm counting on my BP friends to keep me honest!

[akreese02 174]

My sister-in-law had gastric bypass roughly 13 years ago when it was a MAJOR surgery. I'm talking 5 days in the hospital and her gut cut open. She lost a TON of weight and was down to a size 8/10. She hasn't gained it all back but a significant portion. She always says she is going to "get back on track" while drinking a Pepsi. Unfortunately, surgery is not a cure all as we all know. I try to not come off as a snob because we all became heavy due to our relationship to food. I am by no means a saint or a food snob. I have my good days and my bad days. I think you just smile and take the comments and know that it is not luck it is hard work and then you tell your family this fact if they are unrelenting. Sometimes blunt honesty (after reserved politeness) is totally appropriate.

[Elode 8,093]

@@wannaBthinsoon That's what I'm saying! I can't really talk to them about it because I'm the "good" one, the one that was "lucky" . You know because it came so easy for me!

[Elode 8,093]

@@akreese02 I'm to the point now I just don't say anything. My aunt is one In the green leggings that likes to send me pictures of food or say " I bet you wish you could eat this". She thinks it's funny, I find it sad. She's taking "diet pills" now.

[Elode 8,093]

The other two are cousins both 25-27 years old...younger than me and had surgery before me. They both know what they are suppose to do. They just refuse to see that they are doing it to themselves. Luck has nothing to do with it. They have all expressed the fact that they know they aren't doing what they are/were suppose to do. They have all said, "Oh I'll start next week" or "It never worked, it's failed me". Its attitude.

[SuperDave 1,115]

@@Elode - Your surgery was a week or so before mine, and I have read about your struggles and seen your success. I know that luck had nothing to do with it! Your achievements have been amazing. You have been an inspiration to me and a lot of other people here. Keep up the awesome work!

[Elode 8,093]

@@SuperDave Thank you! That's sweet of you to say. I think they know it wasn't easy for me I'm just a positive person. It's defiantly not easy. I struggle everyday to not eat bad. I've been sitting here thinking about those damn Cheetos for the last 30 mins!! I could easily eat more. I've had mini freak out sessions when I throw a bag of chips off the porch for the birds or throw Cookies in the trash and made sure to dump trash on top of them because I couldn't stand seeing them on the counter. My husband brought home a box of Krispy Kreme's home AGIAN today! It's a daily struggle.

[akreese02 174]

Sending you pictures of food and asking if you wish you could eat it is beyond passive aggressive. Just keep doing what your doing and know yourself!

[miller1109 116]

I too have a huge fear of re gaining. I am very strict (some say I am too skinny). I am 5'9 and weigh 125. I do did into the "up underweight BMI category. But I didn't feel that skinny. I have a five pound bounce range that I allow myself. I have a friend that had the surgery a month ago and eats Cheetos and little Debbie chocolate wafers. It is scary. I have been maintaining for 6 months. Went from 289 to 125 in about 8 months. I know I can do it. I just wish I was a skinny person that could eat what I want and not gain like some people were born to do.

[Kindle 8,667]

Just remember they are only doing and saying these things to make themselves feel better. They only way they aren't failures is if you are just lucky. I don't think they can be delusional enough to not know they gained because of their choices and that you succeed because of yours. But they can try and minimize their own failings by cutting you down. Go ahead and feel sorry for them and use them as your motivation, but certainly don't let them take away from your feelings of accomplishment. You earned it!

[Mistie 201]

@@SuperDave Thank you! That's sweet of you to say. I think they know it wasn't easy for me I'm just a positive person. It's defiantly not easy. I struggle everyday to not eat bad. I've been sitting here thinking about those damn Cheetos for the last 30 mins!! I could easily eat more. I've had mini freak out sessions when I throw a bag of chips off the porch for the birds or throw Cookies in the trash and made sure to dump trash on top of them because I couldn't stand seeing them on the counter. My husband brought home a box of Krispy Kreme's home AGIAN today! It's a daily struggle.

First, thank you for sharing this. I'm almost 4 weeks post-op, and I've been frustrated with myself the last two days. The first two weeks were a breeze - I did not WANT anything. This week, now that I am on purees, since I am allowed more and am eating a bit more of flavors I can tolerate, I want more, and I am noticing I am wanting to go back to old habits (ie. eating, letting it go down, then putting in another bite...I realized what I was doing and was like WTF?! is the purpose of that, I'm not even hungry! So yes, btw, I realized I am going to now have to implement what I learned - following a schedule, measuring more, etc.). Hearing that you are going through those same struggles, when for so many who post, they seem to be having it so easy - it helps...it truly does.

Second, when I hear them say 'luck,' I might lose it. My response would likely be along the lines of, "It's not luck that got me through all of the doctors appointments, tests, expenses, surgery, withdrawals, deprivation, cravings, and now struggles to control my cravings, watching others eat while I resist the urge, working out until I'm too tired to move - that's not luck - that's plain, old-fashioned, HARD WORK! I didn't get here by being lucky - I got here by WORKING my A** off... LITERALLY!" As for the photographs... I suggest doing the same...send photos of her all-time favorite foods to her when she's on her next diet and when she's at her lowest (I know, it sounds hateful) and struggling. Then, when she whines... maybe suggest that's how you thought she liked to be motivated to lose weight, since that's what she does to you - it actually impedes you, but you thought it was some weird quirk that works for her...sooooo.... Or, you could just point out that she does the same to you, and in the same way she finds it distressing, so do you, and if she doesn't stop, you'll block her number.

Yeah, I'm a witch when it comes to people trying to cause harm to others, especially when they, themselves, are facing the same struggle...it grates on my nerves.

Good luck - and thank you for always being an inspiration on these forums.

[Elode 8,093]

@@akreese02 She sent me one yesterday for my birthday with the caption "You can have some, I'm sure it's vegan" it clearly wasn't. That's ok though

[Elode 8,093]

@@miller1109 Me too! Unfortunately we weren't blessed like that. You're doing awesome! Congratulations!

[Elode 8,093]

@@Kindle THANK YOU! I realize that, it's not right but it is what it is. I use to use my own "fat" pictures as motivation but I'm "normal" now so this works for me.