well..maybe there is hope for "real life" meeting someone

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Infuriating. I'm sorry you had this disappointment. I hope the someone else works out.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Wow! That's not the end of the story I was expecting!

I gotta say, good on you for sensing immediately that he is married. I don't think I'd have been that smart. At least not that fast to figure it out.

And yes, of course, he's a jackass.

I do think, however, that the one thing that went right about this is that you met him doing something YOU were interested in. Engaging in mutual interests is, in my experience, a good way to find worthwhile people to date. I'd continue that angle, if I were you.

And I doubt that the other guy you've met recently is the only fish left in the sea. Those fish come in and out of rotation all the time.

[lovingdavid 119]

Well what an ass best thing is that you found out during the first date. Better knowing before than going out with him again. Like I always say "everything happens for a reason".

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

As I said before, it was just a date.

I wasn't even going to be dating right now (remember I am lopsided!) but it seemed like an opportunity.

[lovingdavid 119]

Well at least you went on a date ???? it's always nice going out and enjoying a nice evening and dinner.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Actually, I had a great time. I was just disappointed.

I read advice for women about finding a good man - to get over the looks thing. I think one of the problems i have is I pass over some good possibilities because I am not attracted to their physical attributes.

Either that, or choose to stay single and go on alot of little fun dates like this. As time goes on, I wonder more and more why i even want to find a partner actually. I am working on ideas for myself for the next few years - things I want to take center stage in my life - and not a one of them involves a man.

My lame dresser - and I never meet soemone with the idea of "changing" them - is a very nice man (can you believe we went to Ikea together because I was just going there and he offered to come along - scored about 1000 points there) but I am actually more concerned that i sense he might be prone to depression but that is just a gut feeling. He is many good things though. It is all very easy and casual now, but something that @OKPirate said really reasonated - how important good mental health is. I am really being choosy on THAT front because I really regretted it when I started to fall for a guy (dated for about 4 months last winter/spring) who is quite emotionally ill but hid it very well. And when I started to get an inkling, I found ways to overlook or justify it. I have learned that lesson - that point is just not negotiable.

anyway, I share my story knowing that some of you are just diving into the dating pool. You might be ready and find a wonderful person, but I don't care what you look like, your age or whatever - it isn't so easy.

I am considering writing a book about all this nonsense though.

[lovingdavid 119]

Sounds good to me if you ever write a book please let us know. I been single for a little more than a year. I was in a 8 year relationship but now I am thinking of dating but really not in a rush ????. It would be nice to just go out with someone and enjoy a nice dinner or maybe IKEA lol j/k. Overall if it happens it happens but my main concern right now is myself during this journey.

[jane13 2,256]

@@CowgirlJane - from one Jane to another Jane. I am plain - nothing about me draws men "in". I am 52 now and even when I was younger I just blended into the wallpaper.

I have been happily married (second marriage) for almost 22 years. When I was divorced I had two men showing some interest in me and they both worked with me.

I had a 1.5 y/o and 7 y/o at the time. What struck the one "out" was the fact that he was talking to another guy we both knew, and I overheard him complaining about going to the beach and someone brought their little kid (about 1.5 y/o) and the kid was fussy. This guy was 4 years older and we had a lot in common. I was physically attracted to him and we had clicked at some levels, but that comment struck a bad cord with me. I never officially accepted a date with him and went out with my now hubby and never looked back.

Its hard enough putting yourself "out there" as it is and to have some a$$ portray himself as single is crap! if my ex hadn't passed away I would think it was him...

Follow your gut~

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I did forget to mention that the universe may bring some ... shall we say balance.

Without getting into too much detail - we ran into 3 young people that know this man's son... and obviously know/recognize him too. He is a very charming, confident man so I saw no particular red flags except what I thought was the normal "I'd rather be on this date alone" kind of vibe. In hindsight...I am thinking he is probably wishing he had picked a different place to enjoy a drink and dinner.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@CowgirlJane -- No way are you to 'give up' because Mr. Charm Puss was a deceitful deceiver. There may have been some clues around his edges when you first ran into him, but it speaks well of you that you didn't notice. To a point, that is. Had you asked him up front if he's married, he'd have replied that he's separated...because his wife was out of town....

I suppose I've finally gotten around to thinking that online browsing isn't the worst thing. Good relationships have sprouted there. The dating sites aren't substitutes for in-person opportunities, but it's not only the obvious in-person places that are important. There's the supermarket checkout line, for one -- you never know who's standing right behind you. Long, long ago I was asked out for coffee by the man behind me at the bank. He was bright, witty and had much appeal. We'd been having a really good, comfortable chat and he asked spontaneously. Never mind that he was gay.* My point is that you never know when or where. * He was a terrific coffee companion.

Right now I have no interest in meeting someone and haven't in a long time. I know I"d be more open to the idea if it sneaked up on me rather than coming about in a self-conscious way, i.e., actively looking..

Edited November 13, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[BeagleLover 1,020]

@@VSGAnn2014, I agree totally with going places where people share your interests. I suggest checking out

http://www.meetup.com

You can find groups close to you when you put in your zip code and do searches on your interests.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I am a member of several meetups and actually helped cofound/co-organize a horse related one a few years ago.

I didn't meet this guy at a meetup event, but at a sunday afternoon blues music event - out doing something I enjoy.

So, while I agree with what you mention, and in fact I really want to meet someone more naturally - in real life...my lack of going out in the world and doing fun stuff isn't really the reason I wound up encountering a lying cheater which is the subject of this thread.

@@VSGAnn2014, I agree totally with going places where people share your interests. I suggest checking out

http://www.meetup.com

You can find groups close to you when you put in your zip code and do searches on your interests.

[Sharpie 3,306]

so sorry this happened to you. You know cowgirl there are lots of riding groups (if you still ride) I know years ago when I did group rides I met many guys who had the same interest in horses as me. I was married and not interested in developing any relationships at the time. I know there are always married men trolling so, chalk that off to a bad experience and move on. I am not sure about the whole internet dating thing either I think it would be scary for me to try that. There is a site for horse folks I believe. Best of luck to you. Don't give up there are probably just as many good guys out there as good gals you sometimes have to sift through them.

[SeahawksFan 444]

I didn't know you lived in Seattle. Howdy neighbor!! Ok so I am actually in Snohomish. I have been married for 20 years and I thought I could change the way my husband dresses and nope all's I've done is waste money on clothes he never wears. He also hates to workout so I have joined a few of those meetup groups for running and hiking.

I really hope you meet someone way better than that ahole that's married!!

Good luck-

LA

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - We are roughly the same age, we have both been through similar physical changes. I have dated heavy for three years dated lighter for almost a year (and I think that is when I really sewed my post divorce wild oats)...but found someone three months ago that has so resonated with me that I canceled all my online dating profiles, gotten rid of the harem (the code word for all the women who just enjoyed occasional sex, but didn't want a relationship) and just have focused on THE ONE. This is really exciting. It's worth the effort. I can't describe how wonderful it is when you finally find someone who you really look forward to seeing, and can just enjoy talking about everything...but feel comfortable with them not being in contact because you just know they are busy. It is so dang cool to be with someone who you just want slow kisses to go on forever. It was worth every heart ache, bad date, idiot, liar and mentally unstable person I have run across, because the wrong ones for me made me realize I hit the jackpot. I know the good, the bad and THE ONE. The journey begins.