Beachsprite 118 Posted November 10, 2015 Ok so i'm still big and I've been this big or bigger quite a long time, however the nearly 50lb loss has apparently made me a tiny bit less invisible to the opposite gender. And quite frankly rather than being complimented by it it's freaking me out and making me feel uncomfortable especially since i'm married. Which is sooooo weird to me since i spent my teens and early twenties being a bit of a flirt, I had always been a man's woman if that's a thing, i'm in IT, i love fishing and martial arts etc and when i used to be younger and much slimmer i a stream of boyfriends and flings as well as always having close male friends. BUT I've now a married mum with 3 young kids and spent the last 5 years hovering around morbid obesity and losing all interest in that sort of thing and happy being invisible. Anyway it's nothing major but I have a feeling it might get worse the slimmer i get but I just don't know how to handle it anymore any tips - especially since i'm married and have no interest in anyone else? I just seem to freeze up like a deer caught in headlights and wonder what the hell?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KindaFamiliar 3,867 Posted November 10, 2015 I've no thoughts as to what to do... Male attention is not something I've experienced... (Hard to believe, I know..) Anyway, I'm gonna hazard a guess that the attention you're getting is not related so much to your physical changes, but more to your mental changes... I'd say you're possibly more out-going, friendly or approachable since you're feeling better about yourself... Sometimes we don't see the changes in ourselves because we're too close... This works for both the physical and mental/emotional changes as well... As I said, I've no advice for you apart from - Enjoy!! Remember, it's just attention... And there's nothing wrong with a bit of attention... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daisee68 2,493 Posted November 10, 2015 Well said @KindaFamiliar Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) You're married, you're a mother and what does that mean? That you're no longer officially a woman? You've already done that one by bloating up, but you decided to give it up by losing weight. Men look at women. It's one of the things they do. Do you know that you're looking, too? How else would you notice that you're being noticed? If it really makes you want to turn and run, you'll be doing a lot of running and very little in the way of getting errands completed. As you continue losing, will it get 'worse?' You'll be noticed more? I promise it isn't terminal. It sounds, from your telling, that something changed when you were younger, hence, the weight-gain. You once were comfortable in your own body, but then hid it away under extra weight. Lots of people, women and men, have to adjust emotionally to losing weight and all that goes with it. You may have other things going on that compound it. Consider seeing a therapist, preferably one with knowledge of body issues. Your losing weight is a gift to yourself. It would be a shame not to enjoy it. Edited November 10, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ashlegal 525 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) I know how you feel. I was part of a social circle that included men that enjoyed big girls. I never went without male attention, even at my heaviest but I always felt it was attention based on a fetish. Most men I have met who like big girls did so behind closed doors. They wanted to have sex with big girls but would never be with one out in public. As I become lighter, I received a different kind of attention than I had known before. Edited November 10, 2015 by Ashlegal Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KindaFamiliar 3,867 Posted November 10, 2015 Thanx @@Daisee68 I try... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goodnuff 239 Posted November 10, 2015 Same thing started happening to me. I knew from past experience some would say it wasn't the weight loss it was my attitude so I did a little social experiment, I walked around with resting bitch face all day and still had more attention in one day than in the last 25 years of my life. People, both men and women, are attracted to what they see on the outside and smaller is more socially acceptable. I'm trying to not be pissed about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pink dahlia 2,513 Posted November 10, 2015 If its any help, Im married, 4 grown kids, and Im not interested in anyone else either. But it does happen as the opposite sex is going to look at somebody/something that they find "attractive ". It s just human nature. I explained your post to my hubby and asked him how he would feel if he was a woman and this happened to him. His response ? "Id feel flattered, as long as it didn't cross a line ." So, theres a male opinion, they look at us, we look at them.......... human nature. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OKCPirate 5,323 Posted November 10, 2015 Pardon the interruption ladies, but this isn't an area to shuffled off of lightly. I found it fascinating how much male attention can affect women...http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/PTSD-overview/women/traumatic-stress-female-vets.asp The ladies who served as nurses landed in theater and were the only Caucasian women there and were overwhelmed...only to come home and be ignored. It is a subject that shouldn't be ignored. It brings up so many issues and some can be quite traumatic. I'll quietly leave now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444 Posted November 10, 2015 @@OKCPirate -- I won't speak for the other women in the topic, but I very much appreciate your joining in. You make an important point. The difference is that we're talking about ordinary, day-to-day, not extraordinary, situations, e.g., no threats of violation; no being one of few women in a sea of men, the belles of the ball, then returning to ho-hum life back home. It's very much like the Chilean miners who were celebrated around the world, only to return, I imagine for most, to the mines. The same would go for people considered heroes for rescuing children trapped in dangerous-to-reach places; the rescuers are celebrated and then forgotten after their 15 mins and everyone moves on to the next thing. I recall one case where such a "hero" in a national-news saga ended up doing suicide (long ago, the toddler girl who fell down a pipe hole in a backyard) when the attention evaporated. It's common enough for psychological problems to arise when life is turned inside out by extraordinary circumstances that land in people's laps. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KindaFamiliar 3,867 Posted November 10, 2015 Thanks to @@OKCPirate I now realise that I've wandered into the powder Room... Ladies, I apologise for the intrusion... I must remember to check up there ^ before I post in the future... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daisee68 2,493 Posted November 10, 2015 @@KindaFamiliar and @@OKCPirate - not sure about OP but I quite welcomed the opinion on the matter from men. No apologies necessary Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MountianGirl 109 Posted November 16, 2015 I completely understand what you're saying. I spent so many decades trying to remain invisible and now I can't hide. It was very unnerving for me at first. But the good thing that's come of it is it's helping me to see the changes in myself. I have a hard time thinking I look much different than before but hearing it enough from others, especially the opposite sex, has started to help my brain shift. I recently separated from my husband of 20+ years and began dating again and its been a crazy experience. I never thought anyone could find me attractive. Very eye opening. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Essence46 493 Posted November 16, 2015 A good male friend of mine said something to me when I was complaining about all of the male attention I have been getting since the weight loss. I told him that I was still the same person. The person they didn't think was good enough then. Why did they think the weight loss made me so much more attractive now. He said that it may not be just the weight loss drawing attention but the presence of self-confidence that I have now and clearly lacked before. His statement made me pause and think for a minute. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swiftie87 1 Posted December 4, 2015 I am glad this post exists. I have not yet had my WLS, I am here to research and become familiar with everything I will go through, and I know this will "be a thing" for me. After a really long relationship I don't do well with male attention, part of it is my lack of confidence after my weight gain, but I can't help but wonder if it will get better after. I'm just going to try to enjoy my new self and life, and hopefully become the fun flirty cute girl I used to be. I hope you start to find it as more of a compliment, every women (married or single) deserves to feel beautiful, even from a stranger lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
