Feel so unsupported

[heartofthetinman 31]

I've made my sleeve appt for January with Dr Lopez. I have told my immediate family (husband sister and grown kids) and they are so harsh. It's not safe in Mexico. It's too major a surgery. If something goes wrong it's my own fault. It's the easy way out and not a long term solution. And they won't just have their say and stop its over and over.

I want the surgery but I'm already a little apprehensive about surgery alone in another country but I feel like I have no one to talk to about my nerves because then I get the big "i told you so". And this is BEFORE the surgery. I feel like I won't even be able to recuperate and will have to act like it was nothing just so I don't get my nose rubbed in it.

[thisfathasgot2go 235]

Don't let anyone take away your joy. It is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. Find a surgery buddy going down at the same time and partner up. If not, you can do this. People are up and posting on here how good they feel the next day. This can be you too. Good luck, don't give up.

[ar1kah12 3]

Not to sound rude or negative in anyway. Although having the support of family is beyond amazing! Sometimes they just don't know how to be there. Also the people who are negative towards your decision but still love you and stick around will be the same ones congratulating you a year from now either happy for you proud of you or envious of you. Doesn't sound like there are any grey areas when it comes to the type of support you will receive. Maybe you won't receive it right now but they will come around.

Far as advice to give (not sure if you are asking for any) but I would just tell your loved ones via text or email, if they aren't ones for listening,

something along the line

"hey, i know you're afraid and concerned about my decision. I love you so much for caring that much about me, however I'm afraid of NOT making this decision. (Insert why you have chose this route) before I was afraid I couldn't get the surgery, now I'm afraid that since it's possible to expand my life, that I won't have the support of my loved ones. So although I understand your concerns, they are short term, my decision is for long term reasons. So please trust that I have done my homework on all my choices and be the support I truly need "

[ar1kah12 3]

Idk when your surgery is, but if you are like me and your family's opinion weighs more on you more than you like for it to, then I would look for a support group meeting for them to attend or send them links to testimonies. Idk how important it is for you to have any of their approval, but if it comforts you to have it then you should defnitely find a way to peacefully exspress how much you need them. Some people are in different backgrounds and have different family structure. In our culture family is needed in many aspects of our life. So for me to make such a huge decision, it took me a while bc I was terrified of the negative back lash I would receive, I knew ultimately that I couldn't allow myself to go through with it on my mind. I knew that I was going to at least find my back bone (usually on aisle five of Walmart) confront them with my heart poured out as to why this was so important to me. If they still chose not to support me after that, I knew that in my heart and mind that I made the right decision I tried to gain their support, if they couldn't accept that, then they didn't love me as much as I love me by me trying to better my life. A support system is always here if you need it. I'm on Fb support group also. I've been on this journey since July and been hiding it until a few weeks ago bc I could see that through here and other groups that we are all sharing a journey in some shape or form and there are people who are genuinely happy about your journey. I mean between here and Fb there is selfie galore and people are taking the time out of their day to make a comment or boost you up or congratulate you!! We either been there, on our way there, or can't wait to get there!

Sorry for the novel and grammatical errors!!

[tkcan 9]

I have no support. my husband is against my decision to go to Mexico. I have been talking about it for a year and explaining to him that the doctors in Mexico are probably better and more experienced than they are in Canada. I have made my decision to go with or without his support. I am going in January I am not putting this off any longer because of him. I want to be happy and healthy and I'm not letting anyone get in my way of that. I would love to have my husband to go with me I don't want to travel alone but it is what it is.

[heartofthetinman 31]

I can understand them wanting to voice their concerns but after that family should be there for family. Even if someone in my family made a really bad decision I wouldn't make them feel like they were all alone. Sorry you're going through this also.

[hollybower 122]

What will they say after your dead from obesity and comorbitities?

[sleevedinseptember 69]

Sorry to hear you're facing such opposition to having the surgery. When I told my family and friends, they were all very skeptical and unenthusiastic about it as well. But I eventually won them over so to speak by showing them that I had really done my research on my surgeon, the procedure I was having and what I would have to do afterwards in terms of taking care of myself.

I listened to any dissenting opinions but I told them that I am the one who has lived in my body with my weight problems all my life and I am comfortable and confident in my decision. I told them I understood if they were worried for me or scared but that I had every reason to believe I would be okay.

Make sure you find a good surgeon - some one you can talk to before you go for your surgery, who will answer any questions you have and who will tell you what to do after the surgery. Make sure you are okay with your decision to do this and then other people's opinions wont bother you as much. Dont give up - no one else can live your life or knows what it is like! Good luck.

[heartofthetinman 31]

Yes that's correct. It might help convince them if I had his webpage. Does he have a support group?

["Henry" 109]

Hi heartofthetinman,

He does have a support group on FB.

Dr. Jesus Martin Lopez Dominguez Dominguez

Please request the add.

I'll make sure that you get accepted.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

If you go ahead and get the surgery, your family can't undo it. Then they can gripe all they want and it won't change a thing except you will find out how your family and friends really feel about you. Do what you have to do to get healthy.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Please everyone join our general Support Group on Facebook.< /p>

BariatricPal Surgery Deas Group

Best regards,

Ana Tèllez

Patient Services

Ana@bariatricpal.com

(619) 600-0375 Office Number

(619) 900-7345 Office Number (619) 651-0803 Mobile Number

Toll-Free: (844) WLS-DEAL or (844) 957-3325

No, thanks.

[RuralNurse 48]

I am new here.

This just confirms my decision to tell no one in my family except my mother (she had gastric bypass in the early 70s when it was in it's infancy). I will not tell my kids (mostly adults) nor my husband nor anyone I work with. I do not want the skeptics or naysayers. I don't want anyone to tell me "no" or my husband to sabotage me.

This seems like a good place to get support so keep coming back here.

Good luck!

[sweetjamPDX 1]

I get it. My brother just told me randomly, after not talking to me for months...how stupid he thinks I am for going to Mexcio, but that I'm an adult so, whatever...

Thanks! Right? He has no idea how it is to be me every single day. How easy it is for people to pass judgement when they can't possibly comprehend the quality of life a person like me has. All of my siblings are skinny - not even thick, just skinny skinny skinny. lol. I'm going alone. It's my journey anyway.

[heartofthetinman 31]

Just had my husband tell me how much he resents me because my grown kids are trying to figure out who will go and get my body.