Network/Support

[doordie 9]

I am writing this because I feel a bit lonely in my journey and I wanted to see how many people had similar experiences before surgery and how they fared after surgery.

I am in my 90 day pre-op diet and I have very little support because I have not been open with other people about my choice. I am a body positive activist and I fear backlash from the only friends I have who are also body positive but some are fat positive. My husband is the only one who knows my decision and even though he is supportive our relationship is so intertwined with food that it is very difficult to get him to understand I have a problem with food. I have an addiction and he still brings home things I'm not supposed to eat. Now I may have gained weight on my diet and I am scared I will be disqualified from surgery for gaining .... I have 15 days to lose any gains before my next appointment.

I just don't want to share my journey yet. What if I am not accepted for the surgery? I also don't want to face the judgement and the constant explaining of why I had to go to surgery for help. I'm ready for the life changes, I am just not ready to share them with everyone.

Did anyone else face a similar issue? If so when did you decide to share your journey? Pre or Post op and how did it affect you?

I have more questions than answers right now, and I am feeling quite overwhelmed because I am confident in my decision but I don't need any negativity right now. I need a support system or a friend who understands and j find myself coming up short with people in my life that can be that. Any advice would help. Thank you!

[Cervidae 2,389]

I haven't told many people in my life, either. I used to be a part of the kink scene and many of my friends are still very fat-positive and loudly outspoken about loving the skin you're in, and I always felt the same way. People sometimes fail to understand that you can love yourself, find yourself and other fat people attractive, sexually or otherwise, and still want to lose weight. The whole point is that it's your body, it's your choice, and no one has the right to make you feel lesser because of your body or tell you what you should do with it. And that philosophy, which I believe in wholeheartedly, applies to morbidly obese people, anorexic people, and everything in between. Sometimes people are wrapped up in their own insecurities to the point where they defend and justify themselves by judging others. It's a sad trapping of humanity. In the end, even if you choose not to tell ANYONE except the people here at the forums, you have that right and there's nothing wrong with simply removing the drama and judgement of the people in your life before it happens.

Conversely, maybe you will be surprised. If you truly want this, and you feel ready for it, and you are willing to really devote yourself to it, it wouldn't be outside the realm of sanity to tell some close friends. Support from these forums is a godsend, truly. But support from people you love is like chicken Soup for the soul. When YOU are ready to tell people, or if you just decide not to, it's all up to you and you will know when the time is right. I did.

Good luck! We're all here to support you. Feel free to friend me or message me anytime.

[Ashlegal 525]

I have lost the support of two very close friends because our whole relationship was based on our size. They are proud of being big beautiful women and feel changing would take away their identity. When I expressed to them I was pursuing WLS they felt as if I betrayed them. When in fact they betrayed me and didn't accept me for my decision.

I nor you need friends that are not going to love us for our decision to be healthy and comfortable in our own skin.

Beauty is not measured by size. Beauty is measured by how you love yourself and others.

I did have a decent support group but still often times felt myself feeling alone. This journey is not like any other and no matter who you have standing behind you, you still feel as if you are standing alone. It is important that you be patient with yourself, reflect on both the emotional/health reasons for surgery and prepare yourself for the dramatic transformation you are about to embark.

This is all about YOU and you need to only focus on your needs; no one else's are as important and those that love you will come when you feel it is the right time.

[doordie 9]

@@Ashlegal thank you so much for that! Just knowing someone else has felt or does feel way helps me a lot. I don't even care about being skinny, I just want to be healthy....I am supposed to talk about a weight goal with my Dr. Soon and honestly that scares me too. I never started this journey to be small....I did it all so I could live a healthy life and I am finding more and more inner strength with time, but it definitely does feel like I am standing alone, and most if not all of my friends would react the way yours did.

I don't need people in my life who don't want to accept my health choices, but I also don't want wls to be "who I am" either. I have one friend who had the surgery and it is 100% her life. She posts non stop, she works out 2x a day and when we are together it is all she talks about. I have not told her because I don't want it to become all I am, all I talk about ect. It's a choice, a lifestyle and I'm happy with that....I just want to still retain my own personality....like nothing has changed but how I approach food, and I will be smaller ....I'm not going to wake up and be a different person all together?

[doordie 9]

@@Cervidae you just became my soul Twinkies just then.

Both you and @@Ashlegal are so right..... I need to reflect and maybe I will tell someone...if I get some backlash on it I will deal with it then...maybe one person at a time.

[Renee1213 4]

No I was fortunate to have a great support group but I did admit having WLS surgery from the beginning, I owned it it wasn't a shame for having it I was more upset in allowing myself to get to this point. There are people who you woll find that won't accept your decision but I believe that this is my life and I'm doing what's best for me! Ask those folks where will they be when you're having chronic health issues and technically shortening your life by being morbidly obese that's not something to be proud of, you do you! There is a difference between accepting youself to justify bad choices and truly having a positive self esteem/body image.