Blank Stares.

[Ashlegal 525]

Last night was weird. Not only was it Halloween but I saw people for the first time in six-seven months. Many of these people did not know I was considering WLS let alone have decided to have RNY.

Over and over again I had to explain my "dramatic weight loss" which I suppose almost fifty pounds in six months is dramatic but not when you have another 100+ to lose. Each time I explained I had decided to utilize a tool to help me control my portions and help me lose significant weight faster than most, I received blank stares. I don't know what is so hard to understand about that explanation but for some, they could not let it go.

Especially a few female friends who were "stunned by how different I looked", I don't look that f*&cking different but they hounded me for more details. I never gave in and I feel that I have offended several of them.

I just don't think it is any of their damn business and instead of trying to get information out of me, I feel they should have accepted my answer, offered some words of encouragement and moved on.

Then there were the males. These are the same guys that previously only viewed me as nothing more than "the girl they work with" or "know from an old girlfriend." Now all of a sudden I have sparked a different interest in them, making them act like their head fell out of their a$$. Annoying. And I'm not good at distracting male attention; I've never before had it!

**End Rant**

[justme29 76]

Before I went in for surgery, I had so many people at work stop me. It became a little uncomfortable as some I didn't actually associate with. I feel that some things come on a more personal level that others can't seem to understand.

I am not excited about returning in a week. I hope it mellows out for you. One thing they told me to expect was lost friendships. I don't know how prepared I am for that.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

I wouldn't tell people I had surgery. If someone comments on my drastic loss I just say I've been working hard to loose weight, thank you for noticing and leave it at that.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@Ashlegal --

Being badgered when it's clear you want to drop the subject is rant-worthy. This time, though, I understand the blank stares. If you'd said that you'd changed the way you eat -- cut out the junk, upped the nutritious, lower-cal foods, cut portions, and begun an exercise routine -- you wouldn't have gotten the stares. The old-fashioned, simple explanation is understandable by anyone. But what does it mean to "use a tool?" To us it's one way of saying "surgery," but to them? "Does she paper-clip her lips shut? use a hot glue gun?"

The male thing is a big one and a mere variation on the theme (right, gentlemen?). The change in people's perceptions of us takes a lot of digesting. "He didn't recognize me as an individual when I was fat and now he's flirting? I'm the same person. Screw him. He's not good enough for me now that I know what he is." It's not even that simple. There are loads of tangents to the "screw him" stance. Speaking generally because I know zero about your relationship history, one of the common tangents, not so tangential in significance, is a defense against the attention.

One thing you said here that I've seen you say previously is that your 50-lb. drop doesn't make all that noticeable a difference. Please do reconsider because it is inaccurate. Not seeing what's really in the mirror is a chapter in all the books about WLS. It was a topic long before the birth of WLS. I remember it being discussed in WW meetings decades ago. It really is difficult to see the true image and identify with it. Maybe your inability to see it is related to the other things you've talked about???

The mind needs to keep up with the body, a difficult but near-universal project. Wouldn't it be sad to end up feeling even a minimal degree of regret upon reaching the pot of gold?

Speaking generally.

@@justme29 --

It doesn't always happen, but if it does, you'll know that the ones who walk away were never genuine friends. Your friends (are we talking only about women friends?) are the ones who are happy for you and encouraging. The one who disappears, if overweight, wanted you so that she wouldn't be the only fat girl a social setting or didn't want to be outshone by a slim friend. Another possibility is that someone insecure about your friendship will leave you before you get a chance to leave her for not being a "suitable" friend. That's down the line. It could be that some friends now will back off from going to restaurants with you. They don't want to look like overeaters when you eat so much less and choose different foods.

The only thing I can think of is, if a friend brings up the possibility of a shift in your relationship, let her know that you always want her in your life and that you count on her for support.

Edited November 2, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[gowalking 10,790]

I went through this as well. It will eventually stop. Folks will get used to your 'new look' and the interest, good or bad will start to fade. Just wait it out and understand that people are curious, some are jealous, and others are totally inappropriate. Smehow you need to figure out those who might be truly interested in changing their lives as well and are looking for information. Those are the ones you pay attention to.

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

I attended a birthday party today for my 8 yr old nephew. I have been very open and candid about the surgery with my family. There were family friends there that questioned how much weight I've lost and how. My typical response is "I had 85% of my stomach removed." It isn't the response they were expecting and the dumbfounded expressions are priceless.

[gpmed 623]

That's one thing I've been a little worried about, inappropriate questions and less that tactful comments as I lose weight. Today was my first day back at work. I'm six weeks out and have lost 30. Pretty much all of my coworkers asked how I was feeling and said I looked good. It was SO nice. I'm really hoping they were being kind/tactful and it's not that I've only lost enough weight to look better in a way they can't quite put their finger on.

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

I get alot of "I see it in your face." Which is fine with me. I know the jeans I'm wearing didn't fit a couple months ago. My youngest daughter who was looking for something more constructive to say, said last week, "I think your boobs look bigger!" I assured her that nothing is bigger. However after thinking about it, I AM smaller around my ribcage and upper abdomen, which would give that illusion.

[Daisee68 2,493]

I am sorry this made you uncomfortable. I will tell you that 50 pounds is definitely noticeable though not to ourselves. At 90 pounds down, I really wish I had taken pics along the way so I could see it. I feel it - my collar bones, my cheek bones, my hip bones, smaller clothes, etc. But I can't see what they see. Take pics monthly from here on out if you haven't.

Now, the other thing I would say, is this is exactly why I decided to tell everyone. I don't want to have to have some fancy explanation. I had gastric bypass. What's that? I had my guts rerouted to cure my diabetes and cause rapid weight loss by eating less. Please don't hear this wrong, but every time I read a story like yours, I really realize how amazingly blessedly supported I have been throughout this process. I actually enjoy the attention and the compliments and I have no idea what (if anything) they are saying behind my back, but I don't care. To my face, they (seriously everyone I come in contact with) are so encouraging and loving and supportive. This weekend, I went to my sister's house for a party. All her friends are healthy weight people ALL of them (even the 2 I had seen 6 weeks ago and even the husbands) were so very complimentary! I left there on cloud 9! The next day I had dinner with 3 old friends I haven't seen in a year. (They are good close friends - or at least were at one time - one was an old roommate.) Their reaction was also very loving and positive though maybe a little different. More like maybe my new life / control made them examine their own eating? Not at all my intention. Trust me! I am not going to be one judging others for what they eat or do, but I think they were maybe judging themselves, if that makes sense. The ONLY thing about the attention that makes me uncomfortable is the realization that I was really HUGE previously and I just never saw / accepted that. (Again, the reason I wish I had more pictures.)

All to say, embrace the attention. You don't have to dwell on it and you don't have to tell them about WLS if you don't want to, but let's be honest, if you back up 7 months and went to a party and someone walked in you hadn't seen that was down 50 pounds, wouldn't you be curious what changes they had made? Wouldn't you feel you HAD to mention it to them? Just my 2 cents.... The more attention you get the more attention you will get and the easier it will get.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

... I had decided to utilize a tool to help me control my portions and help me lose significant weight faster than most, I received blank stares. I don't know what is so hard to understand about that explanation but for some, they could not let it go.

You would get a blank stare from me too. It would be easier and more understandable to say "very small portions" than the vague "utilize a tool".