Why do I do this to myself! UGH!

[kranky813 477]

So for the most part (ok all part) I feel pretty good. I forget that I even had surgery half the time. I feel great and I look great and I am down 41 pounds so there really isn't any complaining from me.

So here's the rant:

I have a fairly stressful job. I am on the go constantly and my brain works in 500 different directions. So yesterday I had a meeting after work and only had an hour to pick up my daughter, feed her and get her to grandmas house to babysit. So like any overworked, overtired mom I did what we all do. I stopped by McDonald's to grab her something to eat quick. While I was there I thought to myself that a cheeseburger sounded so good. (I don't know why.. I just did) So as I cruised to pick up my kiddo I wolfed down the cheeseburger (it was a single). And I paid for it. Man did I pay for it. I honestly thought I was going to barf in my car.

Afterward I verbally abused myself in my head because of my several stupid mistakes.

#1 We don't eat fast food anymore (we meaning me and my tummy)

#2 We don't skip lunch and then think we are famished at dinner time

#3 Why the hell did I eat in the car while I was distracted

#4 Why did I eat it so fast

#5 Am I a complete idiot for thinking my behavior was acceptable

So the question to you all is Why do I do this to myself? I have done it previously with healthy foods such as chicken and steamed veggies. I don't use the baby spoon anymore, should I? It's almost like my body is so ravenous that I can't help but cram things into my mouth. Thank goodness it's not often (only like 3 times so far) but it makes me nervous that it will become a habit or that I will stretch my pouch.

Ok - come on ladies and gents - abuse away, I seriously need it for my actions!!!

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

No abuse necessary, you are doing a fine job of it yourself!

However, stop it...stop abusing yourself. We all make mistakes, the difference here is you recognize your mistakes, and you are correcting them.

Here is my 2 cent abuse to you:

#1 We don't eat fast food anymore (we meaning me and my tummy)

#2 We don't skip lunch and then think we are famished at dinner time

#3 Why the hell did I eat in the car while I was distracted

#4 Why did I eat it so fast

#5 Am I a complete idiot for thinking my behavior was acceptable

Regarding all the above, yep...you should stop doing these things...No you are not an idiot, but you also know already that way of thinking isn't acceptable.

I totally understand the stressful job...I've got one too...I far short on the WLS journey occasionally too. I don't kick myself too much about it because my pouch does that job for me. I pay for it in with an angry pouch and slowed weigh loss. However, I pick myself up and move on to the next day and do better. We are not perfect. The WLS didn't cure us from old habits, it only reduced our stomach. It's up to us to fix the mental part You got this!

[kranky813 477]

@@Pillar2butterfly Thank you. It's just been one of those days for me and I seriously want to kick myself in the behind for this. UGH!

[thisfathasgot2go 235]

It is bound to come up again. I know it will happen to me when I go back to work soon.

What is a good choice at McDonald's?

Breakfast burrito now that they serve breakfast 24-7?

Or salad because you cannot eat that quickly while driving?

[2goldengirl 2,076]

@@Pillar2butterfly, I just want to say, this is a totally awesome post! Thank you!

We are human. We will never magically avoid making mistakes once we get WLS. They don't sprinkle fairy dust on us in the OR and magically change all our former habits while we're under anesthesia.

It's a process. One we keep learning each day. And there is a powerful lot of unlearning we have to do as well. Under stress, humans have a huge tendency to regress to old, familiar patterns, our internal auto-pilot. It takes less resources than more recently learned behavior.

That said, having learned what behaviors not to repeat is wonderfully valuable!

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Been there done that. As my allergies got worse I realized I needed food options. I keep emergency food in my glove compartment. They are enough to keep me from starving until I can eat properly

• Protein bars
• Single servings of nuts
• Single servings of Protein powders that can be mixed with Water or milk of choice.
• Prepacked oatmeal that can be mixed with Water.< /li>
• Single serving nut butters

Other options:

Jerky or dried meat

Single serving tuna packs

I also always keep water bottles with me at ALL times.

[hollybower 122]

There's no excuses! Pre make a lunch the night before!

[The Candidate 3,215]

You are human and shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Life and mistakes happen. Plus this is a learning process, and you've learned. That's not to say it won't happen again, but I'm sure you're doing your best, as most of us are, to make the right choices.

[madferitchick 163]

I had a similar situation and the conversation in my head that I couldn't and shouldn't have any McDonald's was making me want more and putting me at risk of a binge. So I made a conscious decision to allow myself a single cheeseburger but to eat the burger only and leave the bun. I found this worked for me, I didn't feel deprived but also didn't beat myself up so much. Damage limitation I guess and maybe worth a thought if you find yourself in this situation again.

[Babbs 14,681]

Planning, planning, planning is the key. I know it's hard (especially for you busy moms), but like @@BLERDgirl said, always having an emergency stash for those OMG I NEED TO EAT NOW times will prevent what happened from happening again.

We've all been there!

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Keep a mental (or written list) of "safe" fast foods. Mine is the wake up egg & cheese wrap from Dunkin Donuts. I toss half the tortilla so it's mostly egg & cheese. Try doing a quick search. There have been a few threads on recommended fast foods.

[rking 484]

My first thought was, oh well, you screwed up. Old habits die hard!!!! We all screw up!!!! It is going to happen. Chill out on yourself!! You are ok now, you realized your mistake, now learn from it You can tell me the same thing when you see me on here saying how badly I screwed up

I love the idea of keeping emergency food in the car!!! Why have I not thought of that????

[Elode 8,093]

@@kranky813 Unless you were distracted by that hamburger and ran over some poor unsuspecting kid and his happy meal you don't need to be abused. It's life! You're not going to ALWAYS make the perfect choice. It's live and learn. Don't worry you will do it again so get the shock out now! Lol! Maybe not the same thing but you'll do something the "bariatric gods" won't approve of. Just don't make it a habit.

[livvsmum 2,369]

What I've learned from working with a nutritionist and years (literally) of therapy with an eating disorder therapist is that when we skip meals our body kind of goes a little crazy and the urge to binge (even though a binge post-sleeve looks really different than pre-sleeve) is almost uncontrollable. And it's all our brain can think about. So definitely try to eat even if you're super busy or don't feel hungry. It will keep you from overdoing it later.

Another thing I learned that your situation made me think of is "bolting". I'm very similar to you. I have a pretty busy career, 4 kids, a hubby and lots of other commitments so my mind is always going and it's super easy for me to stress eat. So who knows if this applies to you - well I guess only YOU know...lol - but I have found that I am a "bolter". That terminology comes from Geneen Roth's "Women, food & God" which is an amazing book and is not religious so don't let the title throw you. Anyway, when a situation becomes too ___________ (fill in the blank - stressful, sad, frustrating, etc) I often have used food in that moment as a way to emotionally and mentally "bolt" from what is going on at the moment and focus on the food. At that point my mind fills itself with all of the self-hate that you stated in your original post and there's no room left to think about the stress of the moment I'm in.

SO.....I would lie if I said I never "bolt" anymore. Because I do, and it often leads to weeks on end of little cheats. But, I am mindful of what I am doing now, which is huge. And I try as much as I can to be present in the moment. I've even gone as far as to - when I'm feeling an urge to eat something unhealthy or have a mini binge - to literally out loud say "Ok, right now I'm feeling __________ (angry, exhausted, unappreciated, etc) and this food will not help that." or something similar.

Anyway..... just my experiences that your post made me think of.

[livvsmum 2,369]

Or....sometimes it's just easy to revert to old behaviors. I mean, we did them for many, many years and sometimes it's just too easy to go back to those habits, routines, etc. I think - again - being mindful is a key in breaking that.