Sad Day

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Wait. You mean waking up in the middle of the night, crying a little bit and posting a sad message to a bunch of strangers on a web forum is pathetic??

Seriously though, your post helped. Most of me knows I'm going to be ok. A little part of me is scared I won't be. But I know that little part is wrong and should STFU. It's probably impossible to spend nearly three years with someone and not have some magical moments. Somehow those seem to come to mind first when you lose someone. But relationships take work and I can't be the one doing all the work. If all he's got is "I just can't get that feeling back" and "I need to work on myself" derp derp, that's on him. I just had some fish and it was delicious. This is going to be hard, but I have to push myself. I just wish I knew how long this is going to suck for.

Hey, hey, hey, what's this about "...that little part is wrong...?" You're allowed to feel it, but not to give him all the power. The jerk just broke up with you, so screw him. @@Daisee68 is correct. When he sees you later on, he'll eat his kishkes out. You're reminding me of a song, the pronouns of which I must change:

Got along without 'im before I met 'im,

Gonna get along without 'im now.

Good girl. chocolate used to be the cure-all and, now, all on you're own, you've discovered the fish cure. You can't know how long you'll feel this way, but you'll do the sane things anyway. Fish is forever.

[gpmed 623]

Oh, I know. I have to feel the feels and trust me, I am. And I don't feel bad about feeling sad, cause hell, most people would! I know I have to push myself and keep doing healthy things too. Being five weeks out probably makes it easier, but I'm really glad I haven't had a single thought of comforting myself with food. Before surgery, there's no question that I would be.

[lealor 127]

Wow, what an amazing group of people you all are, even some men in here with their opinions on a break up, I am so happy to be part of this community. Now I will say the same to you my dear gpmed.

Life happens I have found out, regardless of our bariatric surgery. My husband just had a tumor removed from his knee and I have had a very hard time with my recovery for 2 months from my surgery. He gets 60 % of his wages......we are struggling. Its been hard. Im not happy with my relationship, disappointed from no support from friends and family and feel quite alone all around. I think these responses are great and of course you will hurt from this break up. But everything happens for a reason, and life happens for a reason. Be strong, think of you, rest, walk, breathe.....cry.....walk more.

This too shall pass my friend.............

[umo 86]

So sorry for whats going on. For your own sake it might be better to let your self feel the loss than mask it with fear. You have a really good thing going for you and the sooner you get back to it the better. Take care of yourself.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I'm really glad I haven't had a single thought of comforting myself with food. Before surgery, there's no question that I would be.

Victory!

[gpmed 623]

@@lealor Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm really sorry to hear of your and your husband's troubles. Illness and financial strains can put such pressure on a relationship. Just as you've told me, take care of you! I hope things get better soon.

[Ashlegal 525]

*Big Hugs*

I didn't lose a boyfriend in post-op but I did lose a best friend to suicide three weeks before surgery. I don't compare the two, both hurt, especially during a time when YOU (general) need all the support you can get. It's a rough road.

With that said, his loss and your gain. When someone drops us like a bad habit we can't rationalize the idea that it isn't our problem, our fault, we are the bad guy, we are the not good enough in the equation and those thoughts will tear us apart.

Then of course that stress makes even a well person ill and for all intents and purposes, you're not well. You are recovering from surgery and the body needs everything you have to heal itself.

You need to heal. You need to know that his decision is no reflection on you, your journey, your transformation and your worth. Focus on making you whole again from the inside out and I can guarantee the time will come when being single is the best.

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

Six months ago my live in boyfriend of 2 years and close friend for about 6 years left me. I took care of him through his own addiction and illness. I was the primary breadwinner, primary caretaker etc. I have never given more of myself to another human being in my life. I was devastated that after all that, after accepting him, his addiction and his illness that he would then walk out on me without barely a word. Not even a Dear Jane letter. Nothing. He wouldn't return my texts or phone calls. When I realized that he wasn't coming back and that he didn't even respond when I told him that my 87 year old father was on a ventilator (he was), then I realized if he wasn't going to be there for me when my Dad was dying that he was NEVER going to be there for me, even though I had always been there for him. I became profoundly depressed for about 2 months. I missed work for 3 days and alternated sleeping and crying. Even after I went back to work I would spent several weekends doing the same. But I was determined that this would be something that I would grow from. And I did. I got back into therapy. I decided to do WLS. I started kicking a$$ at work again, and now I am 50lbs down, more functional and happier than ever. And do you know what? I did it ALL BY MYSELF. My sister did come to stay with me for the weekend before and the first 3 days after my surgery, but otherwise I have made all these positive changes myself. And two weeks ago, I sent him a letter saying THANK YOU. I told him that while I will always still care about him, that he really did me the biggest favor, because I really was in a place where I needed to take care of me. And now that I am taking care of me, instead of focusing every bit of energy I had to take care of him, that I am doing really well. I also told him that I hoped he was happy and healthy too. Six months ago I was full of anger and bitterness and almost hate. And why? Because I felt those things not only toward him, but toward myself, for letting myself get so sucked in to a bad situation. And now that is gone. I am just filled with happiness and inspiration every day. And its true that I honestly wish him the best. I hope that he is happy and healthy. I even hope he finds a nice lady to care for him someday. Because although I will always love and care about him, I love me more. I love me WAY more. And now that I'm putting all that caring and thought and energy into taking care of myself and Focusing On Me Now (hence the name), I really do love myself. So yes to all that has been said before. Let yourself feel those feelings. Be kind to yourself. Get a massage. Get your toes done. Get your hair cut. Get your fluids and Protein, and get outside and enjoy every ray of sun you can. Take care of yourself, and nurture yourself, and you will grow like a beautiful flower. While many may say that living well is the best revenge (and I still partly agree that it is), I recently shared the following post on Facebook "the truly best revenge is to have enough self worth not to seek it." And that my dear is so true. And yes of course it will be wonderful when he sees your transformation and how great you look. But it will be even better when you really don't care, because you did this for YOU, not for him and not for anyone else. Looking good will just be one of the many great side effects of taking care of yourself. And by the way, congratulations on your liberation from this person!

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@@gpmed As you lose the weight your self esteem and confidence will go through the roof...so just take it one day at a time and take care of yourself, and you will be amazed at how great you are going to feel. When one door closes, another door opens. This time is all about you, and you are worth it. All the best to you.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I'd like to suggest something that the messages from @@Ashlegal and @@lealor bring to mind.

The loss of someone important in our lives is loss. For purposes of these topics, it's all the same. Loss is loss.

Please ... there's no need to qualify, quantify or otherways apologize in any way for referring to one's own experience.

Edited November 1, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[gpmed 623]

@@Ashlegal Thank you so much for posting. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the grief you must feel, and at a time, like you said, when you needed the most support. I hope you're finding the comfort and support you need during this difficult time. *big hugs back*

[pr_pitbullgrl 1,039]

i am very sorry that you are hurting but take my advice. i became celibate after my last break up (around june) and not only that but i stopped dating altogether so i could concentrate on ME. My needs, my goals etc. It's been the best thing I have ever done (besides my surgery). I have really been able to see myself and what *I* need. I'm not bogged down with drama and BS of a relationship or someone else's needs.

Take this time to concentrate on YOU. What do you need? What are your goals? And live your life. We'll give you support.

Best of luck.

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

Like others here, I'm thinking this might not be the negative that it may seem to be...

Now you can really focus on you without having to worry about upsetting/ignoring/neglecting someone else...

Yes, there'll be hurt and that kinda stuff, but it passes...

You're now in a position to get your own shit together...

And what a time to have that opportunity..

All the best to you!!!

[VDLT 244]

Sorry you are hurting. Breakups are always difficult despite the circumstances. You have received great advice here. I will only add that after two bad breakups the evenings were particularly difficult so talk to some friends and put them on duty to keep you company even if it is over text. Sending you hugs.