serious question for fellow "veterans"

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@windycitymom I do know you - glad to see you are posting again!

@@Georgia The veteran's forum is back, but it has lost it's sense of "community". I used to post there alot but never think about it anymore. There is a maintenance forum. actually, there are so many forums now that I never really know where to post what!

When I started this thread I was letting myself get wrapped into some drama and issues that i couldn't make a difference on and this whole experience clarified in my mind how I do add value and how I want to interact here. In truth, I get alot out of it too. NEVER EVER in my whole life have I maintained significant weight loss for 3 years! I end the holiday season AT GOAL and while I couldn't have done it without the sleeve, I think I couldn't have done it without the support, learnings and experiences shared here. So, thank you all.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

If I may ask ... what *was* the veterans forum like that makes so many people miss it? What did you discuss? What benefits did it offer? Who participated?

[Recycled 2,182]

If I may ask ... what *was* the veterans forum like that makes so many people miss it? What did you discuss? What benefits did it offer? Who participated?

Well for me, we discussed basic training, getting assignments overseas, militar.....opps ......wrong veterans forum...

[Recycled 2,182]

Funny, In another thread I stated how I was finally letting go of recording my daily food and exercise on MFP after 763 days.. That process seemed like a sort of milestone like a "moving on" event. Kinda made me think about another similar event I went thru a couple of years before my Sleeve surgery. I had bilateral knee replacements.

I was apprehensive, worried and researched it like crazy before having it done. I followed a Knee Surgery forum and learned everything I could and then I did it. !!! It was tough and I was stuck to that forum like glue after the surgery. Not only for help with my recovery and re-hab, but to help others by passing on the information from my own experience and disseminating facts from fiction to help alleviate other's fears. The information I garnered from that forum helped me tremendously and I sincerely believe I helped others as well.

But.............

You ask.......Are we relevant anymore to the new people posting?

For a time yes. But in time my Knees healed to the point I started paying little to no attention to them any longer and the whole process had faded into the obscurity of a "new normal". I found that my ability to relate to the issues surrounging knee surgeries and post surgical rehab were also fading or becoming less relative to my new day to day lifestyle.

I no longer felt I could really connect to the immediate concerns of the "new posters".

So, even though I pop in from time to time and read a few posts in the Knee forums.........I pretty much felt my contributing days there were effectively done.

I've reached a striking similar point in time here as well. Sure.....I jump in here and there and spout off a few tidbits of advice or some tough luv when the whining gets too loud. But at this stage it's mostly redundant recollection.

People relate better to real time stuff going on.......... I think it's just the way things are. LIke the saying everything has it's time. So.

I might not be all that relevant to the new posters on the issues they have today or last week........but I can tell you......It's all worth it. So hang in there and you can become irrelevant too. Good luck fellow Sleevers.

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

I am 15ish months out and have felt like this already. But I know my new normal I want to be a healthy one. So I do look to you further out Vets to know that life can be normal, well a new healthy normal. that it is okay I ate some chips. And that it is okay that I have found a balance and a healthy relationship with carbs. Your normal lives inspire me and help me to know that it is okay to feel normal again.

Thank you ALL!!!

[LovinSoul 113]

At 2.5 years out, I feel as if I am absolutely relevant, but completely **** upon because some people CHOOSE to take my words as attacks/judgmental/bullying/etc when I truly don't intend them that way.

I am not a warm fuzzy kind of girl. I never have been and I never will be. Seemingly, my personality was just FINE when I was "one of them" (newbie), but now that I am past those initial stages, I am a big old meanie. I try to remember that "newbies" are sensitive and hormonal, nervous and emotional but that said, I can't/won't coddle bad decisions. No one coddled me and I learned the most from people who told me their truths. Even when I couldn't relate, I appreciated that they shared with me their real feelings instead of justifying mine.

I, too, feel that I only "get" from the vet forums and maintenance forums, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to "give" in the other forums. Some will appreciate it, some will not. Those who do can take it, those who don't can leave it.

It's their choice, their gain, or their problem.

I'm with you. Not a three year vet, but am 18 mos. along the path and this forum has always been the most meaningful to me. I also have had some experience with newbies who have found my responses to their "bad" decisions hard to accept. I hold with being verbally kind and tolerant of difficult times and choices to make, but I am convinced that honesty and sharing your core values is just as key.

As a former school counselor, I occasionally had parents call me and say "but what you said to my child made her cry!" in criticism of my work. Often that child entered the room looking for my validation of his/her self-destructive behavior. Yes, I do believe I had learned enough in 40+ years to know when a teenager was lost and needed a bit of direction. The teen was there for someone to listen and acknowledge their pain, but they also wanted me to point possible ways out to them. Sometimes "the way" is hard to hear. My response to the parent was often "change is painful, and sometimes the truth hurts, but it's the only path to growth." Sometimes dealing with the difficulties following bariatric surgery can make us similar to the kids I counseled, lost and looking for guidance, but sensitive to hearing hard truths. As long as we're not vindictive, spiteful, mean or insensitive and try to be empathetic as we respond, we are more than relevant. And if sometimes we are misunderstood in our candor, at least we're being real and genuine. Can't please everyone.

[ausmith 374]

This discussion is aimed toward people who are several years post op - NOT toward people early in their journey.

Are we relevant anymore to the new people posting?

More than once I have been "grouped" with some unknown (to me) group of people who are mean and dogpile on others. While I am unrelenting in the truth of my experiences I don't intend to cause harm. After awhile one does have to question if this is the case since the accusation is made both openingly and veiled and by more than one person.

I can discount it to some extent (opinions aren't necessarily shared by others, people can be a bit on edge in the early days etc) but lately I have questioned my involvement in these forums. I get something back, but to be honest I could probably get that support by posting in vet and maintenance forums only. I try to help because if it weren't for others - who have long since left- I probably would have not been sleeved nor found the lasting success. But, they have left,the next wave left, and others have replaced whilst I hang on.

I am asking this question, not just about me, but across the board. When I am feeling cynical I am reminded of my experience when banded when I was told I would just be satisfied to "eat dainty portions" and like magic I would become trim and slender. I feel that now the sleeve is being mass marketed with similar questionable advice. I am especially empathetic to those like me who had so much to lose and were pretty deep in the obesity disease process. Ann had a thread about how little value nutritionists added and I am keenly aware of how...useless...some of the guidance people are given in the mass marketing of the sleeve.

This sounds like burn out but it is actually a different question - at 4 years post op is my experiences relevant? Just because I needed to shift my whole dang world to maintain this huge weight loss - is that even useful/relevant now?

Part of why I ask here is because I have received some direct criticisms that I don't even understand...I feel like the hard of hearing granny who cannot understand why everyone is mad that I announced my grand daughter's bra size in public (yes, my granny did that as she was astounded at my girth!)

Again please respect that this question is directed to fellow vets.

I think your advice is definitely valuable to short and Long term sleever's. Some may not want to hear it but it's those silent others who are great full to hear what you have to say. The surgery hasn't changed the people the mass market are targeting may have changed to anyone and everyone but for those that are or were in the same place as us they can't pay for the advice and knowledge that is shared by the vet's that persevere and stick around. Good or bad we can only share what we have learnt through our journey and if the surgery hasn't changed then what we have to share is relevant.

[CBT 450]

Nothin but love and deep respect. You put a lot of consistent, thoughtful effort into this community and that alone just means a great deal.

[Pescador 1,374]

I joined prior to my sleeve in November, 2013. I posted hundreds and hundreds of posts, trying to be helpful, trying to get help. I cannot imagine what I would have done without the support I received here, and made many friends. I guess I was here about 1 1/2 years, and I hit a post that sucked the life out of me. Way too much negativity and I let it affect me. I just walked away. Now almost a year later, I gained 20 lbs, and slid back in here under a new name, to try to get myself back on track. I just limit my interaction and scroll past the problem posters that bother me. All you wonderful veterans who have stuck it out here, I really appreciate you for all the wonderful help and support that I needed so badly. You have a wealth of information to share, and I hope that each of you stay and keep Bariatric PAl the great place it is meant to be.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Glad you are back. Reach out if you want some ideas of how to tackle the little regain...although you already know what I will say - haha - go back to what worked, go back to basics!

I joined prior to my sleeve in November, 2013. I posted hundreds and hundreds of posts, trying to be helpful, trying to get help. I cannot imagine what I would have done without the support I received here, and made many friends. I guess I was here about 1 1/2 years, and I hit a post that sucked the life out of me. Way too much negativity and I let it affect me. I just walked away. Now almost a year later, I gained 20 lbs, and slid back in here under a new name, to try to get myself back on track. I just limit my interaction and scroll past the problem posters that bother me. All you wonderful veterans who have stuck it out here, I really appreciate you for all the wonderful help and support that I needed so badly. You have a wealth of information to share, and I hope that each of you stay and keep Bariatric PAl the great place it is meant to be.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

[SamBwaR3 62]

@@CowgirlJane, I am BRAND new to the forum. Joined yesterday. I will be having my surgery in May. I am on here specifically looking for long term vets and their results. So YES. You and all the other vets who are still active are very relevant to us starting and those already on the journey. I am one who is known to come across as brash but I speak the truth. Some folks can not handle the truth but that is their issue. I thank you and all the other vets for being here and telling your stories of what worked, didn't work and what is still working. You guys and girls are to be viewed as mentors for us newbies. As I am reading posts, I look to the persons name, gender and surgery date. Then at the weight. I am a guy and am looking for more veteran guys results but am finding few. So I am just balancing it all out and making the best of the advice and wisdom you all are sharing.

So thank you, thank you, thank you.

[mngreeneyes 674]

I just started month 5 post op and there are several veterans/people who had surgery before me that I look up to and look forward to reading. I have appreciated the truth, the back to basics, and the cheerleading. I have noticed that some have gotten upset with answers to their questions and sometimes I understand their sensitiveness and sometimes I can't figure out what got their undies in a bunch! But @@CowgirlJane I have yet to see one of your posts that I thought was actually mean in any way. I am pretty empathetic and sensitive myself and I just haven't seen it. I wonder if the webpage medium/writing is part of the issue. It is hard to convey emotions in writing sometimes and if someone is worried about being judged, will transfer that to a writer who was in no way judging and get defensive. I have to say I try to judge tone on a persons body of posts not on individual ones and as someone pointed out earlier, I don't think that everyone is doing that.

Thank you to all the vets for everything in the last 9 months since I joined. You have been invaluable to me.

pam

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Thank you for the comments. A specific set of things happened that led me to post this thread...and I am long since over it.

I do think part of the problem is that I have at times become short, terse, brief - and that does not come across as supportive.

In truth, being sleeved saved my life, changed my life in my late 40s. I wish similar success for everyone but it's hard to always type that meaning out to everyone. It is also true that the early day struggles just seem so small now... and yet I know they are not when you are in the middle of them!

[Pescador 1,374]

@@CowgirlJane, I am BRAND new to the forum. Joined yesterday. I will be having my surgery in May. I am on here specifically looking for long term vets and their results. So YES. You and all the other vets who are still active are very relevant to us starting and those already on the journey. I am one who is known to come across as brash but I speak the truth. Some folks can not handle the truth but that is their issue. I thank you and all the other vets for being here and telling your stories of what worked, didn't work and what is still working. You guys and girls are to be viewed as mentors for us newbies. As I am reading posts, I look to the persons name, gender and surgery date. Then at the weight. I am a guy and am looking for more veteran guys results but am finding few. So I am just balancing it all out and making the best of the advice and wisdom you all are sharing.

So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sam, my husband and I were sleeved in December 2013. He was overweight since he was a baby. He has gone from 320 to 220, he is so happy. He kept 1x to 3x clothes for forty years. Boxed and labeled. He lost 100 lbs twice on Optifast shakes - two years of liquids, no food. We went to WL seminars 15 years. The sleeve was presented to us at a seminar, and I led him to the fire. All the boxes of cloths are gone to Goodwill, and he wears a Large shirt now. He is off two BP meds and his insulin use is much less. His passion is clothes shopping these days, and looking good. We have had no problems with the sleeve in three years. We are living life again, boating and traveling. We can leave home for the day with two apples and Water or Crystal Light. We eat out regularly and share one Mel since surgery. We share a filet mignon with l vegetable. We would do the sleeve again in a heartbeat. My husband is not on BPal but I can tell you this has been the greatest ride. He will be 69 this year, and is healthier, happier and thin. God bless.

[SassyNanny 311]

Thanks to all the vets!! Your posts whether they be rambling or to the point have helped me tremendously. I am going to continue to pay it forward.

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Edited March 30, 2016 by SassyNanny