serious question for fellow "veterans"

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I've walked the fine line between kind patience and cavalier flippancy or brusqueness in some of my responses to new people, but I may have officially crossed the line into mean-girl territory tonight. Is there a cheerleader sort of jacket or a badge or something I'm supposed to wear?

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@Elode -- sorry, but I may owe you one. It turns out that I did offend the new person and she swung back, but we ended up becoming pals for the duration of her topic. How easy it can be to find common ground. The good news is that at least I didn't apologize right and left.

[VDLT 244]

@@CowgirlJane I can understand how you feel. While a newbie here I was a band vet for a long time back in the spotlight days (if anyone even knows what that was!) I know what it's like to give an answer I know from a decade of experience to be true (banded for 14 years) and have it disregarded. All it taught me was to pick and choose what I answered in past forums.

As for your relevance, I want you to know that one of your posts was the final push I needed to go ahead with my conversion. I will be forever grateful and want you to know what a difference your involvement has been for me and I am sure others.

[LivingFree! 478]

CGJ, 4-1/2 year vet here--You are such a valuable contributor to BP and have been especially helpful to me in so many ways! Please do not change your dedication to this forum!!! In my opinion, there are COUNTLESS people who are ill-prepared to even have this surgery in the first place, and often THEY are most likely the ones who cannot begin to appreciate the messages you so faithfully endeavor to deliver. Consider the source(s). Do not doubt your self-worth and relevance for one minute more...and thank you for all you do!

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Of course you're relevant! You provide such knowledge and experience that is needed for those who want the truth. I'm 3 years out but haven't logged in for a year or more due to all the useless bickering. BUT for those truly seeking answers, people like you are valued. There are a lot of people who just read and don't post. I'm sure you've helped more people than you know.

[bellabloom 2,467]

Cowgirl, you give some of the best advice on here. And it's important for the semi new like me and the brand new ones that those vets stick around and give us advice!! I need to hear about your experiences to prepare for long term life with bariatric surgery.

I personally think that when your brand new you have tunnel vision. I know I did. I was so desperate to have the survey be a magic answer. I didn't want to hear about struggles or complications. And many many people are like that!!! No one want to really face the facts- this surgery comes as a cost to almost everyone.

But once the honeymoon phase ended I wanted all the help and advice I could get. I'm realizing now this is a lifelong thing I have done and I have to learn to live with it. Please don't go away because we need the support of those like you!!!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I have been away from this site for a very long time, months in fact. I totally was addicted to this site for the first couple of years after my wls. During that time I seen veterans drop off. I know that when I read newbie posts, I read them and if someone has already answered the frantic cry for help. I would just move on. I also posted to a lot of posts. But it wasn't helpful to my journey. In my profession, I give and I give and I love helping people. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist. I actually went onto Facebook and joined other bariatric sites. I know that I have gotten off track, have mindless eating, and returned to bad habits. I am aware that I will start tomorrow On BOT (back on track) to get my stomach back to normal. My stomach does not like too much food, but I over eat anyways. Now how dumb is that. So many ways to sabotage myself. The other day I took a Zinc tablet and I had the worst stomach pain I've ever had and I ended up with dumping syndrome. I thought I was going to die. LOL That reminded me that I can't take pills the size of a Tylenol with Cod #3 for pain either. So my stomach is still small, my head is sabotaging me.

I feel that veterans are important in helping newbies, but lets face it, some people are darn right mean and rude in their responses. Cowgirl Jane I love your post and I have found them very helpful in processing what I need to do. are you on facebook? The bariatric sites are pretty much the same drama there too. I do like the Bariatriceating.com for the recipes etc. It has been very exciting to read your post.

Dorrie

[Halfagain 68]

I'm a newbie to the sleeve, but a veteran to lap-band as well as another diet group from a few years back. Your question of relevance has came up at times, on each of the other groups I once belonged to. I believe as a open group there is much turnover of active members. You get newbies/ignorant folk, crusty folk, butthurt folk, and buttheads. I really dislike trolls, and just mean folk. However there are also wonderful supportive folks like you cowgirlJane. I appreciate the insight any of the veterans provide, and I thank you for it.

[konalisa80 239]

I greatly appreciate hearing from those 3+ years out because for me it's about the journey not the destination. Thank you to the vets for sharing!!

[Sweet Pee 349]

You are relevant, important and needed. I hope you continue posting your beautiful worded posts, which helps countless of people.

[Sony09 20]

Glad to hear these FYI. I get it. I'm almost 3 year post op and stuff keeps getting more weird. People freaking out since I'm not obese anymore. My bra size is less than my 6th size and a lot smaller than a today's 4th grader. I'm learning (still) to cope with peoples reactions to change. Some days are better than others and I am continuing on and just being the best that I can be. If they can't deal... tough. I started my journey to improve myself, but downing myself for them to feel better about their self.. NFW! RNY b 2013; HW 297, SW 252, and today 117.

[McButterpants 2,846]

@@CowgirlJane - you are relevant. You were relevant to me when I was a scared pre-opper looking for help and guidance, you were relevant to me when I was newly post-op and had questions and you were relevant to me this past week when you responded to my first post in months. I always appreciate your views and frankness.

[windycitymom 60]

@@Cowgirl

You should know that i am nearly 4 yrs post op and though you don't know me from adam, you have been a big influence on my decision to get the surgery, my progress and now my veteran success. I don't always thank you but want you to know that if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't be were I am at today.

I'd be willing to bet you that there are about a 100,000 other "people like me" out there that you have impacted who may not have posted, or may not have had surgery or who have posted and have had surgery. You've impacted us all, please don't question your relevance. If your input was not relevant, I would not have had surgery, I would not have known what to do after the surgery and lastly I would not have maintained or had direction. i agree with you on some things and disagree on a few but mostly appreciate the input which forces me to think about myself and what is right for me.

I appreciate you and you are totally relevant to my success and obviously there are many more like me!

[Georgia 2,908]

I miss veterans forum. ????

[M!@ 320]

@@CowgirlJane ...

I really don't give a f**k about the butthurt newbies.

At 14+ months post-op and maintaining stably 10 pounds below my original weight goal, I'm here mainly for me -- not for the newbies.

But when I was a newbie, I was all eyes, all ears, sucking in everything the veterans had to say. I remember reading veterans forums avidly, even though I wasn't permitted to respond in them, desperate to understand what my future would look like. I loved everything those vets had to say.

And what the easily butthurt newbies here say about me and others who share their truth does NOT butthurt me at all.

So here's my truth about this forum: This forum is not just for newbies. It's for everyone who's on the WLS path. And that includes me and @@CowgirlJane and @@B-52 (btw, awesome post, @@B-52 !). I am most interested in what my peers and those farther along than me are going through. That hasn't changed at all.

Finally, this is the Internet. It's full of sincere people, smart people, dumb people, and asshats. It's never going to be a community of people just like me.

Oh, and one more thing -- I would like to admit that the idiots offer me not only entertainment, but they motivate me, too. It's nice to be reminded of all the stupid things I am not doing, never did, and never will do.

Buck up, everybody!

@VSGAn2014, @ CowgirlJane, @ all you veterans,

I am a newbie at just under 2 months out, and when it comes to butthurt newbies, I too am of the mind of not caring. It is one thing to come here and expect support and answers from those who have been through the process. It is completely another to complain about the answers you get because you didn't like the delivery.

Frankly, some of the questions require common since, or a simple search for others who have posted the same thing. To be honest, if I post a question or concern, you are the ones I want to hear tell me to "buck up" or stop complaining, or however you chose to say it. Keep it coming. I don't want to be coddled, cuddled, don't need my boo boos kissed or none of that, because it is not going to set me straight if I am doing something wrong. Oh and I love the sarcasm and humor because it makes me think about it and laugh. And no body can lay it on like those who have been there.

I get that some people don't like it that way but I do. As a newbie, I can't give the advise the way you can, I can offer support because I am currently going through it. But only you guys can say some of the things that I can only think about but not write.

You are relevant to me and to the many others who come here for truth about the real problems or to be checked when I post something I am doing wrong, knowing good and damn well I am doing something wrong when I post it.

Stay Real! and for gosh sake, stick around!