serious question for fellow "veterans"

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@CowgirlJane ...

I really don't give a f**k about the butthurt newbies.

At 14+ months post-op and maintaining stably 10 pounds below my original weight goal, I'm here mainly for me -- not for the newbies.

But when I was a newbie, I was all eyes, all ears, sucking in everything the veterans had to say. I remember reading veterans forums avidly, even though I wasn't permitted to respond in them, desperate to understand what my future would look like. I loved everything those vets had to say.

And what the easily butthurt newbies here say about me and others who share their truth does NOT butthurt me at all.

So here's my truth about this forum: This forum is not just for newbies. It's for everyone who's on the WLS path. And that includes me and @@CowgirlJane and @@B-52 (btw, awesome post, @@B-52 !). I am most interested in what my peers and those farther along than me are going through. That hasn't changed at all.

Finally, this is the Internet. It's full of sincere people, smart people, dumb people, and asshats. It's never going to be a community of people just like me.

Oh, and one more thing -- I would like to admit that the idiots offer me not only entertainment, but they motivate me, too. It's nice to be reminded of all the stupid things I am not doing, never did, and never will do.

Buck up, everybody!

Girl. You rock my world.

[Babbs 14,681]

@@CowgirlJane

As a noob, (I'm still a relative noob) there were several veterans I looked up to and soaked in every peice of information they had to offer. You were and still are very relevant to me, especially now that I'm going into maintenance. You veterans who have maintained for many years are who we all should be using for support and knowledge the most! Because after all, I knew I was going to lose the weight eventually. But learning how live normally after while maintaining the loss is something most newbies don't even consider, and I think as B52 put it so eloquently, you become less relevant to the people in weight loss mode.

People want to commiserate with people going through the exact same thing at the exact same moment, so I think that's the problem. There are also many who just want hand holding and coddling through the whole process, and I don't know about you, but ain't nobody got time fo dat! So long story short, are you still relevant? Yes to some and no to some. To me your knowledge and honesty has been irreplaceable.

[B-52 7,113]

@@CowgirlJane ...

I really don't give a f**k about the butthurt newbies.

At 14+ months post-op and maintaining stably 10 pounds below my original weight goal, I'm here mainly for me -- not for the newbies.

But when I was a newbie, I was all eyes, all ears, sucking in everything the veterans had to say. I remember reading veterans forums avidly, even though I wasn't permitted to respond in them, desperate to understand what my future would look like. I loved everything those vets had to say.

And what the easily butthurt newbies here say about me and others who share their truth does NOT butthurt me at all.

So here's my truth about this forum: This forum is not just for newbies. It's for everyone who's on the WLS path. And that includes me and @@CowgirlJane and @@B-52 (btw, awesome post, @@B-52 !). I am most interested in what my peers and those farther along than me are going through. That hasn't changed at all.

Finally, this is the Internet. It's full of sincere people, smart people, dumb people, and asshats. It's never going to be a community of people just like me.

Oh, and one more thing -- I would like to admit that the idiots offer me not only entertainment, but they motivate me, too. It's nice to be reminded of all the stupid things I am not doing, never did, and never will do.

Buck up, everybody!

Girl. You rock my world.

Amen... Let's go kick some doors in and take names.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Once upon a time there was a forum called verticalsleevetalk that was small enough that people had a chance at remembering who someone is.

While the relationships were not deep at.least they weren't the crazy volumes of.people we have now. THE Lapband Group isnt The only One That Got smooshed together.

there was a time would I felt I could actually "mentor" someone who had my similar circumstances or we had some sort of connection.

While I appreciate everyone that bothered to read and reply, I can't help but notice a few assumptions about me...example that I judge what size I think someone should be before being sleeved. This is merely an example, how could you know that someone I care about in real life had "only" 50# to lose pre-sleeve and i am cheering her on?? It is true if someone asked me if they should be sleeved at a low BMI I would ask them to think about if they'd really tried everything else first. Is that unsupportive? Why do they ask questions and seek opinions and then attack me for expressing it? "should I get the sleeve with 50 to lose". I am genuinely using this as an example of my bewilderment - that specific topic isn't the point - and I don't actually recall being critized on that one so no offense intended.

Sorry, but one more thing.....

Once upon a time this forum went by another name...and it was all people who had the Lap band procedure.

Since then, it has opened up up to all people with all WLS's, and the name has changed.

Understandably so...the growth and scope has become obvious.

But us Lap Band people are becoming more and more rare.

When I log in I purposely go into the Lap Band section, only to find it over run with people with surgeries other than Lap Band.

So for that reason, Lap band people in general are becoming more irrelevant...add to that being a Veteran.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

@@CowgirlJane, you and your story, experience, and knowledge are absolutely relevant to me. The same goes for the other veteran's. Since it's all about me, that is all that matters!

[James Marusek 5,244]

Let's see! 4 years post-op. Lost 168 pounds. Transitioned successfully through "Weight Loss" phase and "Maintenance" phase. That makes you relevant.

[gerio 37]

I don't post much but when I get on the site I only look up the people that I know are vets. I gained a little of my weight and had to get on track and remember why I spent all that money. It helps me to see how other vets are doing. Yes, we probably do things a little different after a few years and a lot of weight dropped, like riding 2,000 miles on my bike this year, riding a couple of centuries. I could not have even rode a bike around the block without being out of breath.

Irrelevant? Maybe to some but to others it should let them know it is possible and gives them hope.

I am going to be a great grandmother in February and want to live to see many more grandbabies. Lap band was the best thing I could have ever done. Changed my life for good.

[jess9395 5,450]

Strange, I'm almost two years out and still don't consider myself a veteran. I guess maybe I am.

Anyhow I think everyone is relevant and has something to offer. Some people want to hear it some don't.

My philosophy is take what you want and leave the rest.

I find your posts particularly relevant to me!

[lisacaron 5,075]

Cheers to all you Veterans out there!! You are as relevant today as you ever were and ever will be!!! You have the perspective from all sides of the triangle. Pre-Op, Post Op, and maintenance and you live somewhere in the middle of it all where life happens!

When we are new and still in our obesity suit we are vulnerable and scared. Surgery is surgery, no matter how you slice it. Not only have you gone through all the nerves and testing and pre-op diets, head stands and cartwheels you have lived to tell the tale and make those feats a little smoother for the next person thinking to themselves there is NO way I can do this....

You made it through the trauma of Post-Op, your surgical wounds healed and you started healing your mental and emotional wounds and set your feet on the path to a whole new way of living life.

Many of you have reached that maintenance phase which is the last great hurdle, where you are able to live that new way of life the way you are able to breathe, without obsessing over calories vs calories out did you track it today, did you really eat that...yep you did and it was OK.

You didn't turn into a unicorn you didn't sprout wings and fly. You didn't discover the magic rocket pill that made you lose 100 pounds over night and only works for you. NO you have worked your asses off literally! You worked hard for all your success and you have owned your failures. The stories and inspiration that you have to share with the boards, be they lap-band, sleeve, bypass etc. are more that worth their weight in gold because they are REAL. They are you, and they help the rest of us to strive to attain those goals our own lives.

Yes there are some that need that slap upside the head for eating pizza 3 weeks post op. They come here and they vent and maybe they slap back but maybe they tell their surgeon what they did and they set them straight and they have less complications or no complications going forward..and maybe they are just butt heads and really who cares if they are anyway it's their lives they are ruining and we can choose to just block their content if they are obnoxious.

When your a Veteran you get to speak your mind more than most because you have put your time in been around the block and through the woods and back again. You have seen and experienced more than the rest of us who have not been there yet. .

People need to understand that the Veterans aren't obesity fairies with magic wands that can at the stroke of the keys type yes it's OK for you to eat insert item here and you won't gain weight because you have been sleeved; banded; bypassed.....

They are people who once upon a time walked in the shoes of an obese person and kept walking till they reached their goals. Can they give some pixie dust and magically you are walking beside them at your goal....NO but they can inspire, motivate and empathize with where you are in your journey today and encourage you to keep on going no matter how long it takes no matter how much work you might have ahead....it's worth it.

That is what makes the Veterans relevant.

[AvaFern 3,516]

@@CowgirlJane

You are relevant to me! I always enjoy reading your posts and I would say you are very tactful in your responses. You have periodically not entirely agreed with me, but even then your responses leave me smiling. Before I had surgery I looked for the people who were veterans because I wanted to see if 2,3,4 years out they were still successful. I guess I am now technically a veteran, but I do tend to still place more value on the responses of people who have had the sleeve for a few years than those who have had it for 2 months and think they know everything. While some of the newer people may be easily offended, ideally they either get over it and get on bored, or get off the site. The people who sincerely want to research the sleeve value the opinions of veterans, or at least I did.

[Andrew0929 1,102]

This discussion is aimed toward people who are several years post op - NOT toward people early in their journey.

Are we relevant anymore to the new people posting?

More than once I have been "grouped" with some unknown (to me) group of people who are mean and dogpile on others. While I am unrelenting in the truth of my experiences I don't intend to cause harm. After awhile one does have to question if this is the case since the accusation is made both openingly and veiled and by more than one person.

I can discount it to some extent (opinions aren't necessarily shared by others, people can be a bit on edge in the early days etc) but lately I have questioned my involvement in these forums. I get something back, but to be honest I could probably get that support by posting in vet and maintenance forums only. I try to help because if it weren't for others - who have long since left- I probably would have not been sleeved nor found the lasting success. But, they have left,the next wave left, and others have replaced whilst I hang on.

I am asking this question, not just about me, but across the board. When I am feeling cynical I am reminded of my experience when banded when I was told I would just be satisfied to "eat dainty portions" and like magic I would become trim and slender. I feel that now the sleeve is being mass marketed with similar questionable advice. I am especially empathetic to those like me who had so much to lose and were pretty deep in the obesity disease process. Ann had a thread about how little value nutritionists added and I am keenly aware of how...useless...some of the guidance people are given in the mass marketing of the sleeve.

This sounds like burn out but it is actually a different question - at 4 years post op is my experiences relevant? Just because I needed to shift my whole dang world to maintain this huge weight loss - is that even useful/relevant now?

Part of why I ask here is because I have received some direct criticisms that I don't even understand...I feel like the hard of hearing granny who cannot understand why everyone is mad that I announced my grand daughter's bra size in public (yes, my granny did that as she was astounded at my girth!)

Again please respect that this question is directed to fellow vets.

I understand your frustrations, but also value your opinions on most issues. Please overlook the noise and continue to provide your wisdom to the group.

The forums are loaded with newbies and often lacking with regard to vets willing to share their knowledge.

Andrew

[TealSister 296]

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Edited October 30, 2015 by TealSister

[LipstickLady 25,682]

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So ya' called me a bully, and then deleted it? ! didn't even get to read it!!!

[Tssiemer1 549]

What?

[TealSister 296]

..

So ya' called me a bully, and then deleted it? ! didn't even get to read it!!!

Actually I said at first I *thought* you were a bully, but then learned to love ya!

Then I got all nervous about butting in since I'm not a vet so I deleted.

Edited October 30, 2015 by TealSister