Since When Did Being Candid In Your Response Become Unsupportive?

[BookWorm 87]

Maybe I'm just direct, but when did being candid with people become unsupportive or insensitive? You ask, I'm going to tell you how I feel and I may not agree with how or what you want me to say. When did that not become ok on this forum?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Unsupportive, mean-girl, bully, clique, gang, "bitchy", group mentality, blah, blah, blah.

The funny part is that those who want to point out this "horrific" behavior are also the ones who like to call names and use foul language. Funny that.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

As long as you're tactful, there's nothing wrong with it. Just remember this is the internet and take things with a grain of salt. There are some folks who post on here that merely want yes men answers.

........

The funny part is that those who want to point out this "horrific" behavior are also the ones who like to call names and use foul language. Funny that.

Nearly every, single time.

[BookWorm 87]

Spot on. It's ine of the reasons I don't post that often.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Yea, I've gotten burned a couple of times, being called "Goody Two Shoes" for following the plan that came along with the surgery I volunteered for.

[glitter eyes 1,398]

It seems sometimes people do get burned for being blunt or stating the truth.

That being said... I try to be overly positive on this site and it's funny because in "real life" I am pretty sarcastic and outspoken. Maybe my personality doesn't transfer well to the typed word??? I have thick skin so if someone wants to burn me I say bring it on.

[Dub 9,922]

I know one thing......I was mad as hell at the person who first told me I had to give up the BigMac's, fries, apple pies and pizza if I wanted to reach my weight loss goals.

The gall they showed.

How dare they question my desire to succeed just because I wasn't willing to make the needed changes.

No pizza and Cookies right now???? They were being mean.

I should be able to have at least 2-3 biscuits every morning, right ? No? WTH ??? I'm leaving. I'm not feeling the support....yada, yada, yada.................

Thank God for the folks here that post true and accurate information and are willing to share the good, bad and ugly about wls and their path to it.

I'm reminded of Jack Nicolson from "A Few Good Men"....."You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth !!!!!!".

Some folks want a hug and a lie. They want validation that it'll all be easy and they can keep on doing the same old thing.

Some folks really want to get real.....make a change. Some already have. Their input is what fuels my interest here.

So.....where's the support ? It's evident in the candid responses. Simply going along and passing out blankets and Cookies isn't support. It's enabling.........

[BarrySue 602]

There is a lot of vulnerability and insecurity around here. That's fine, this is a weight loss forum with a lot of strangers telling other strangers how they must cut out most of their stomach in order to keep their eating habits from killing them. Given how being fat is stigmatized in a way many other addictions/behaviors aren't (there is a heck of a lot of support/compassion for people addicted to other things, especially in the medical community), bristling at bluntness isn't an unusual reaction.

It's not that I think we need to be a hug box, echo chamber, or hippy drum circle in which everyone vomits sunshine and rainbows and walks on eggshells for fear of offending the too-easily-offended. But I do think the emotional rawness and fragility is something important to keep in mind.

...Although, if I read one more "I'M SIX DAYS POST OP AND JUST ATE A PLATE OF Pasta, DRANK ALCOHOL AND SMOKED WEED, IS THAT OKAY," I'm gonna punch myself in the throat.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

Truth is good, its just how its put over at times. You know the saying, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" thing.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Truth is good, its just how its put over at times. You know the saying, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" thing.

That said, often times one will type out the response "The sky is blue" and the delicate reader will read it as "THE GD SKY IS BLUE!!!!! YOU ARE AN F'ING MORON!!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ASK SUCH A STOOPID ASS QUESTION?!?!?", when really, the person who answered simply said "the sky is blue".

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Truth is good, its just how its put over at times. You know the saying, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" thing.

That said, often times one will type out the response "The sky is blue" and the delicate reader will read it as "THE GD SKY IS BLUE!!!!! YOU ARE AN F'ING MORON!!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ASK SUCH A STOOPID ASS QUESTION?!?!?", when really, the person who answered simply said "the sky is blue".

You can tell a person who reads into something that is not there and interprets "the sky is blue" as the other things you wrote, "You aren't looking up towards the sky, you have your head in Uranus".

Edited November 2, 2015 by 4MRB4PHOTO

[BookWorm 87]

There is something to be said for tough love. I have two examples that although weren't the best way for the individuals to handle stuck with me to this day and drive my decision making:

I played soccer since the age of 5 and into college. Never a small girl, even at my fittest I was always heavy "big boned". One day while playing soccer, my dad went to my soccer game. (1st and only time in my entire life). He yelled to me, "Attack that ball like you attack a plate of food". While beyond mortified, that was the best game I ever played. Was there relationship damage from that incident? I don't know. That ship had already sailed, so to speak.

I just reported to work at a new office. The political appointee asked for me to make sure that he had a briefing for a late afternoon meeting. While I wasn't the expert, I contacted them to make sure that they were prepared and that the briefing was received prior to the meeting. Long story short, the expert left for the day and didn't provide the briefing and the meeting was moved up in time. When I went into the bosses office and told him I didn't have the briefing he went off and said that I was supposed to "anticipate his needs and always have a back-up plan". I've never forgotten that and I never found myself unprepared in similar situations.

I guess my point is that something the tough conversations are exactly what we need.

[lorri716 256]

Maybe we should start a group called thick skinned people only the truth hurts lol

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

There is something to be said for tough love. I have two examples that although weren't the best way for the individuals to handle stuck with me to this day and drive my decision making:

I played soccer since the age of 5 and into college. Never a small girl, even at my fittest I was always heavy "big boned". One day while playing soccer, my dad went to my soccer game. (1st and only time in my entire life). He yelled to me, "Attack that ball like you attack a plate of food". While beyond mortified, that was the best game I ever played. Was there relationship damage from that incident? I don't know. That ship had already sailed, so to speak.

I just reported to work at a new office. The political appointee asked for me to make sure that he had a briefing for a late afternoon meeting. While I wasn't the expert, I contacted them to make sure that they were prepared and that the briefing was received prior to the meeting. Long story short, the expert left for the day and didn't provide the briefing and the meeting was moved up in time. When I went into the bosses office and told him I didn't have the briefing he went off and said that I was supposed to "anticipate his needs and always have a back-up plan". I've never forgotten that and I never found myself unprepared in similar situations.

I guess my point is that something the tough conversations are exactly what we need.

Ouch! I am sorry that was said to you by your Father.

You could have always shouted back, "I'm sorry, I can't help it, I have the postman's DNA".