Emotional eating and the band

[needtorecover 574]

Hello! I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself and ask a few questions.

I'm an Indiana girl with a big appetite (a common theme amongst us, yes?). I've been seriously overweight (needing to lose 100+ pounds) for about 7 years. I used to be thin when I was a teenager but age and a puttering metabolism have packed on the pounds. So I love to eat. I LOVE to eat. And cook. And share food with family and friends. Food is a big part of my life. I love feeling full and I eat quickly so I get to feeling uncomfortably full before I realize it and that's usually when I stop eating. This is something I clearly need to work on.

Anyway, I'm enduring a tremendous amount of stress right now which means I need food more than ever (at least that's what my brain is telling me). I'm in the process of moving, I have a 9 month old baby who is going through a wicked sleep regression (meaning I've been getting 6 broken hours of sleep per night for the past month), my mother in law moved in with her dog (which is upsetting my other pets, stressing them out, and now they're all aggressive towards the baby which is stressing ME out further), it's cold and miserably wet outside, and there's nothing good on TV right now (seems like a silly problem but it sucks that there's nothing I can zone out to at the end of the day other than a giant bowl of Pasta alfredo). All of this is temporary, and I know it. Logically I can tell myself that we will have a nicer home soon, our baby will move on from the regression, we're looking for a new home for MIL and the dog, the weather will improve, and my fun shows will return next season. But my poor psyche is grasping for comfort wherever it can be found and that's usually buried in my delicious meals.

I don't really have a coping mechanism that compares in terms of easing my distress. People say to take a walk, read a book, surf the web, or find some other type of distraction but the whole time I'm thinking about how much I'd rather be eating.

My understanding is these feelings won't go away with a lap band. And I understand that. I guess my question is, how do you cope without food (if you're a stress eater)? Does the lap band inhibit your ability to binge, at least?

I desperately want to be healthy again. My cholesterol is frighteningly high (especially for a woman in her mid-30's), I feel horrible all the time (exhausted, it's hard to move, easily winded...), my libido has gone to hell, and my zest for life is just zapped. Some of this has to do with my stress levels but I know I'd feel better if I wasn't so heavy. I couldn't care less about how the fat makes me look - if I could still feel healthy at this weight I'd be a happy girl. But I don't feel healthy, not at all, and I need to change.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some hope. I'm probably going to get the band in December (if all things go according to plan) and I want my expectations to be realistic. Thank you for reading! Any stress eaters out there with the lap band, I'd love to hear about your experiences!!

[newmebithebypass 713]

I'm not getting the band but I am a stress eater and honestly that's not gonna go away with surgery only therapy and some soul searching. Maybe you could journal or crochet or do some adult coloring books

[B-52 7,113]

Simple question, and I'm not bashing by no means....

When did you have surgery and Why did you have surgery???

I ask this because, myself, like so many others, have had problems with eating and food. It's why we are, were, obese.

I went into this, speaking of having something as drastic as surgery...expecting something other than what I have been trying and failing at for years and Years....

I did not want surgery, but I did want change....So I Had surgery with expectations...and I was not satisfied until I started to see direct results from that surgery.

So again, what are your expectations? Why did you have this surgery? And if you're not getting the results, why?

[B-52 7,113]

Sorry, I just noticed you're planning on surgery in December....but all the same, you should have some expectations and not settle for anything less.

[Julie norton 2,850]

There is always hope. Lap bands can change your health and your life!

You have to be committed fully though imho...

Go to your seminars, ask lots of questions here too, read anything available.

Being educated can help you with what to expect.

Best of luck.

[needtorecover 574]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses!

B-52 - I am indeed not banded yet. And no worries, I'm not easily offended As for my expectations... It's hard to say because I've never done anything like this before. With dieting in general, I always expect to feel miserable and hungry. I WAS miserable and hungry when I had gestational diabetes and was forced to give up sugar and carbs. It was easier, though, knowing my child's health was dependent on what I ate. That's a huge motivation to stick to a diet. Incidentally, I lost 30 pounds when I was pregnant. It's unfortunate that I cannot get myself to care as much about my own health as I do about my baby's but there you go.

Anyway, my expectation for the lap band is that it'll force me to eat slower and more intentionally, and I expect it to temper my appetite. Once my stress levels are back to baseline I expect it to work well. I'm just worried my desire to eat when not hungry won't go away. Does that make sense? That's why I'm asking on this forum if others had this experience. If the band stopped them from emotional eating or if they had to figure out other ways to deal with it or sabotage the band's effectiveness.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@needtorecover First let me commend you on coming on the site and asking these hard questions. Not just of us but of yourself as well.

These are questions that I myself still struggle with, and I am sure there are many of us here that do. Being an emotional eater and using food to sooth ourselves is one of the reason we are here it's true. It is also true that this does not make us bad people, and the fact that we can recognize and admit our problem is the first step in helping ourselves to get free from it.

When I was banded a few years ago, I went into the surgery NOT for myself but for my husband who desperately needed to lose weight to have a hip replacement operation. Like you I worried about another's health before my own, and my own was in great peril. I did not need a new hip, but my heart was failing my blood pressure was through the roof, my kidneys were not functioning as they should due to all the medication I was on....and of course I would NEVER think that my weight or my stress levels had ANYTHING to do that!!! So what if I ate that vat of ice cream that's not why I was tired and sick...right?

OK...so I started off on the wrong foot, I put all my energy into making sure "he" was OK and doing what he was supposed to be doing and i was doing it just to lead by example. Well just like our children when they no longer need us to do things for them and they take off running...hubs is doing awesome and I am floundering balled up in my little stress world that I create for myself.

Yup it's true...I do it to myself. I know how to say NO I know what's right and wrong and I help others to find their way and lead support groups and what's MY problem? That's just it "I" am my problem. It's taken me the last few months of disconnecting from all that I am doing for others...and focus that laser beam on myself for a bit. This is what it takes laser focus for me to really see what and why i am doing the things I do and until I am ready to be clear of them I am going to be stuck repeating them.

So...to your question.

How will the band help you...?

The band itself won't help you through the emotional and stressful parts of life. You are going to have to do the emotional head healing work or you are going to fall into old habits of soothing with food.

Yes the band will help you not to "binge" as you know it today...however there are ways to get around the band and pretty much all the surgical tools if you have a mind to and you will gain weight or stop losing. So when they say you have to have your head in the game...they are 100% on target.

The band will reduce your appetite and help you to control portion sizes, but you have to be behind the controls. If you have eaten and go from full at 8:00 to comfortable at 9:00 and the stress meter just went into the red zone...that candy bar, or pudding or what ever your thing is will look pretty darn delicious and your not "stuffed" now and those foods slide right down along with the excess calories. These are the tough times for stress and emotional eaters. Finding that "outlet" away from the food to resolve the feelings.

I have learned that there is no way out but through it. There are no short cuts, we have to deal with ourselves. I've done the deflecting and the blaming and I am the Queen of excuses!! As you go through your pre-op and post op get your game ready. Work with a therapist come here and chat with us...and together we will make the most of our surgical tools and lose the weight.

Yes we can do it, for ourselves and our children and loved ones will benefit from it as well.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Emotional eating is a challenge, but a dealable-with challenge. You might want to start with making a list of what sets you off. I get that specific events are contributors, but it also sounds as though boredom eating, which seems to occur most often at night, is part of the mix. There's another cause of emotional eating that I'd refuted until I became aware of my urge a few months ago: happy eating. Stuffing food down isn't about comfort, it's about a search for stupor, oblivion.

That said, I can recommend a website meant for emotional eaters: ShrinkYourself.com. Great name, isn't it?

It's the work of Dr. Roger Gould, a psychologist who, in addition to the site, has a book on the subject (quelle surprise). There is a pay option at the website, but you can sign up for the free newsletters which are quite effective. Read them and do whatever exercises are given.

[B-52 7,113]

Remember...the band is adjustable...meaning you have the power, as the patient, to determine what your comfort level is, and how you choose to have the band function.

The band controls my eating, portion sizes, ability to overeat/indulge, and overall controls hunger and cravings.

There are many people, who choose to have their band adjusted so as they have to do these things themselves more so than having their bands do it for them.....

It's also why you will get so many different opinions on different topics..because there are so many different ways the band functions.

So it can get very confusing reading all the different posts on this forum...add to that all the people here who have had surgeries other than the Lap band...I believe their experiences are very different from ours...

So most importantly...is that you have a good Dr., and that you follow his/her advice...focusing on one voice, and not dozens...

[lapband78 30]

I'm a emotional eater as well. It's a huge problem for me and does not go away that easily.

I went into a program for people who wanted to get Gastric Bypass. There I learned a lot about emotional eating. I decided I did not want a Gastric Bypass but I did learn from the program.

Last year I had my first ever depression and it was terrible. I ate every weight I'd lost, back onto my body and it was terrible.

But going to see specialists in emotional eating is great. Because I failed when I had depression last year, I actually know the signals now. Failing did me really good.

I got banded in May 2015 and yes I do want to eat when I'm stressed or anxious. That does not go away. But I need to focus on something else when I want to. I don't want to fail again. I payed for the surgery 100% myself and it was expensive. I'm not going to fail the band.

So when I feel stressed on anxious, I color! yes! I got into adult coloring. I don't do fantastic pictures but it helps me.

Go see therapist before getting banded please. Because the band is not a solution, it's a tool that will help you reach your goal. A therapist can help you with that goal as well.

Good luck