To tell or not to tell...

[Terra B 53]

I think that it depends on the the kind of person you are. Some people are very private (such as myself), some people just don't give a damn, and some people don't care either way. Do what is comfortable for you. We are not obligated to tell anyone. It's not up to them to understand what we need to do for ourselves. Guaranteed, they do what they want with their life, so do what you want with yours.

Good luck either way. Just make sure your decision is right for you.

[ellie123 374]

So proud of you for fighting for your daughters rights! You sound like an extremely strong woman! The world needs more of such! I am choosing not to share, for reasons I outline in the next post Good luck to you dear!

I have said this before and I will say it again here

I am not out shouting to the world that I had this surgery. However, I have no shame in telling anyone if they ask.

I grew up and have a special needs daughter and fight everyday to erase the stigma around mental illness. That means being open and honest with people and NOT hiding the truth from them. I feel the same about this surgery.

There is a stigma that this is "the easy way out" or "cheating the system" or whatever. So everyone who who fails to mention surgery and will only tell people, "Oh it's just diet and exercise" are only feeding into the stigmas that so many of us are trying to fight and educate people on. People hear that and think, "well so and so lost 100lbs by just changing her diet and exercise, I don't see why all obese people can't do it" etc.

That's my .02.

[ellie123 374]

I actually started a post with the same name a few weeks back on several forums and got some great feedback. For me...it's too personal and I have chosen not to share. I also respect and admire those who do share as it is their choice. What I cannot stand for is people on this site, judging others for their choices!

To walk in my shoes, honey, you need to first take off your own...be subject and vulnerable to my experiences, and THEN wear my shoes and walk my life. Perhaps then we can discuss what you might like to label my decision...

I have already gone through the "to share" path and did not like it. I shared about my lapband...people were rude, judgmental, in my plate all the time, my mom called daily for the "weigh-in" info...and she is the "spread the news about my daughter in confidence to all my 1000 friends" category. I was in a total fishbowl all the time! At dinners my insensitive brother in law would ask in front of everyone "You can eat all that?" And when I began to regain and people stopped asking questions, I felt THAT much more ashamed, self conscious, and dejected.

Not this time. God willing, my surgery next week goes well...i am having band removed, Gallbladder taken out and VGS. For the sake of co-workers (but my two close co-workers), they know I am having Gallbladder surgery, which is perfectly true (but even that is truly not their business). The other is MY private personal medical information that I don't want to share because I do not want to discuss/explain/justify their curiosity or judgement. I want to focus on me right now, and on learning how to use this new tool to hopefully prolong my life and enhance the quality of it. Other than that, it's just my one close friend and my husband....and my surgeon

Now if someone very obese approaches me, if I am far along enough and successful enough to share something of substance I will probably choose to share in order to help them. But most people asking are not those who qualify for the surgery or who can even remotely begin to identify with my struggle. For those people, they will hear of my reduced food portions and exercise. Also, one point to note, is that anyone who is truly obese enough to qualify for surgery, all they have to do is so much as touch the internet with a 10 foot pole regarding their struggle, and a TON of information on weight loss surgery will pour in. Then they will probably find us, and we will privately, and non-judgmentally, love and support them into making the best decision for them

Sending slimming thoughts, hopful rainbows, and the peace of heart and mind to everyone!

[hollybower 122]

I almost slipped today and told my sister. Gotta keep my business in the DL!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Speaking in general:

Tell only those who will be happy for your success and will be encouraging, but not gushy, if you stumble along the way. I hope it doesn't happen, but you may find that someone you trusted with the information will take glee in the stumbles; will say things like "Should you be eating that?" That is, will watch you closely...waiting...waiting. Two of the common reasons for the meanness is (1) just that, meanness, or (2) fear of being left behind.

When people you haven't told about surgery notice the weight-loss, simply tell them that you changed the way you eat and started to exercise. You'll be truthful while maintaining your privacy.

When in doubt about whom to tell, it's not a bad policy to tell only those to whom you would report your SS number and your bank balance. It's permissible to omit the IRS from the list of tellees.

Laurie

Edited October 30, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[tmcx28 297]

So far I've told my mom, 2 friends, and a cousin. I have a lot of fit friends and family members who wouldn't be supportive so I've chosen to keep my mouth shut until after my surgery. I'm not ashamed at all, I just don't want to listen to weight loss advice for the next month and a half and about how I could easily do this on my own.

[SweetPotato 142]

I have told my father and sister because they are my closest family and I knew that I would need their support through this process. I also told my three best girlfriends for the same reason, added to this, I am going to be the bridesmaid in one of their weddings in August and figured that my changing body is something that she should know about because it affects her special day. I haven't told anyone else, though I did tell some people that I was having a medical procedure, as I am a doctorate student and therapist and my dropping out of life for recovery affects my clients and my school attendance.

With regard to telling others, I feel like this is a super personal decision. I work primarily with clients who have multiple medical diagnoses, including HIV and HCV, in addition to severe psychopathology and/or substance use disorders or recovery from such. I also work with clients who seek gender confirming surgery. When I was thinking about whether I wanted to tell people about my surgery, I thought about my clients and the discussions that we have had about their identities and diagnoses. I would advocate for them to make disclosures that they feel comfortable with to people who can be supportive, which is what I decided to do for myself. Even before surgery, I lost 49 lbs and it was getting noticeable. When people asked about it, i told them what I was comfortable with: I am following my nutritionist's eating plan and going to the gym 5 times a week. And only to people who I felt comfortable discussing my body with. To others I just said, "I've made some changes."

[Linaka 92]

@@mrs kaje I'm not sure why you think you have the right to tell people what they should and should not be doing. And to come here, where we should be free of shame and then shame people seems pretty disrespectful to me.

[mrs kaje 347]

@@mrs kaje I'm not sure why you think you have the right to tell people what they should and should not be doing. And to come here, where we should be free of shame and then shame people seems pretty disrespectful to me.

Uh, that's kind of the gist of my comment. The comment I quoted said that there is shame in 'lying' about WLS. Ignoring the fact that choosing not to tell someone something does not equate to lying in the first place, that's just a load of hot shit.

[cindi gant 101]

Do what you are comfortable with. I was sleeved 22 months ago and this was a revision. I have told everyone and I discuss it on FB. I need lots of support so I get it everywhere. I know people that only told their spouse and that's it. I personally do not know anyone that has successfully walked this road alone. There is no rule on how many people you need to tell. Be sure to attend support groups in person. You will learn so much and you will meet others that share your experiences. The support from our loved ones is needed but unless they have walked in our shoes, they will never truly understand the challenges and frustrations. It is totally worth it though.

[Castillo15 25]

I have only told 4 people. The others don't need to know.

[Beck Gal 68]

i have felt confident telling friends and my close family that has always been supportive of me, but i will say that the family members that have always been judgmental of my weight (even when i was thinner), I am not telling them until after I have the surgery. That way there is no way that their negative comments or "concern" can bother me.

[SalOdyssey 441]

Here's the simple version,

You tell people great.

You don't tell people also great.

For me I kept it on my private FB page with my family and friends (all have been supportive), and then decided to start a public page about my journey.

Whatever option you choose you have to be comfortable with and no one else.

[hodgepodge 5]

Hello! New here...
Just dipping my toes into this journey. Not sure what my insurance will cover come Jan. 1 - so...
For me I have told a few people. My sisters and 1 SIL (best friend), my hubby also knows.
That is all for now. If come Jan I know it will if WLS is going to happen, I will tell a couple/few others. But do not plan to tell the world. (No FB announcements) After the fact, I will just play it by ear.
Not sure what to do about parents. I know my mom is against WLS, but I suspect if I just flat out told her it was what I wanted/was doing she would then be supportive. Guess I will play that one by ear as well. (she will be hurt if I don't tell her... darned if I do, darned if I don't)

[Solmar 5]

When i decided to have surgery i told my family and they were supportive and still are. When i told a friend of mine, she went on to say Why, your fine, etc etc.. I thought she would be supportive , the same to a coworker who at the time was giving me advice in what to eat and how to go work out at gym. I said something to the effect "i know of a definitive way i can jump start my weight loss" and he immediately said how. When i mentioned WLS he goes don't do that etc etc.. I came to realize is best not to mention a word. I don't need or want to hear negativity except ppl to support my decision, the only ones being supportive are my family. I do wonder what and how fast i will lose the weight and what I plan on saying then. Keep quiet, say Im on a diet, or that i had surgery.