To tell or not to tell...

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Everyone who lies and doesn't tell the truth is part of the problem and not the solution. There's no shame in surgery but there is shame in people who lie about it.

Every time I have someone ask me if I've lost a lot of weight I always tell them I had weight loss surgery.

Whoops! I missed this one.

Well, alrighty.

[PayItForward 207]

I don't see anything wrong with not telling. I can say that I would rather not talk about it or it's personal. But when if I answer "dieting and exercising", I am purposely implying that is all that I did to lose weight and I consider that lying. The truth is that I also had surgery. If I could have done it with just dieting and exercising, I would not have opted for the surgery and I wouldn't have been obese most of my life.

This is just how I feel. I know that others feel differently.

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

Everyone who lies and doesn't tell the truth is part of the problem and not the solution. There's no shame in surgery but there is shame in people who lie about it.

Every time I have someone ask me if I've lost a lot of weight I always tell them I had weight loss surgery.

You sound really judgemental and rude. That's not the point of this website. This is supposed to be a supportive, helpful site. I cannot believe you are judging other people's very PERSONAL decision. What part of the "problem" am I since I'm not telling people? And yes, I am well aware I seem angry. I am angry at your comment.

Do you judge me for having two surgeries for endometriosis and not telling people about that? This has been my personal struggle and battle. It is my story to share if I decide to.

I think you shaming others for not telling is part of the "problem." And by problem, I mean obesity. We know we are being silently judged at all times just walking into a room. We know how hard it is to stick to a diet and exercise regimen and fail over and over again. For most of us, surgery is the last ditch effort. And we are still afraid of failing. Everyone has their demons, issues, and their right to privacy.

I'm glad you feel so confident in telling everyone about your surgery. But do not try to shame me and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong by keeping my experience to myself.

Obese people suffer and their suffering is made worse when people who had weight loss surgery lie about it. That's what I mean that if you lie you are part of the problem by promoting deception and that all that one has to do is just diet and exercise.

You don't have to shout it on the rooftop but you should be honest when you are asked how you lost the weight. There's no shame in having surgery but there's shame in lying. So if you are actively lying and then have the nerve to say that I'm rude then I suggest you do some soul searching.

Edited October 28, 2015 by Proud2BMe

[sbrainwater 44]

Everyone who lies and doesn't tell the truth is part of the problem and not the solution. There's no shame in surgery but there is shame in people who lie about it.

Every time I have someone ask me if I've lost a lot of weight I always tell them I had weight loss surgery.

You sound really judgemental and rude. That's not the point of this website. This is supposed to be a supportive, helpful site. I cannot believe you are judging other people's very PERSONAL decision. What part of the "problem" am I since I'm not telling people? And yes, I am well aware I seem angry. I am angry at your comment.

Do you judge me for having two surgeries for endometriosis and not telling people about that? This has been my personal struggle and battle. It is my story to share if I decide to.

I think you shaming others for not telling is part of the "problem." And by problem, I mean obesity. We know we are being silently judged at all times just walking into a room. We know how hard it is to stick to a diet and exercise regimen and fail over and over again. For most of us, surgery is the last ditch effort. And we are still afraid of failing. Everyone has their demons, issues, and their right to privacy.

I'm glad you feel so confident in telling everyone about your surgery. But do not try to shame me and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong by keeping my experience to myself.

Obese people suffer and their suffering is made worse when people who had weight loss surgery lie about it. That's what I mean that if you lie you are part of the problem by promoting deception and that all that one has to do is just diet and exercise.

You don't have to shout it on the rooftop but you should be honest when you are asked how you lost the weight. There's no shame in having surgery but there's shame in lying. So if you are actively lying and then have the nerve to say that I'm rude then I suggest you do some soul searching.

Lol calm down. I haven't even had surgery yet. So I'm not "actively lying" about anything. I'm not worried about the shame, or lack thereof, if someone questions how I lose weight and I don't give them my story. By all means, feel free to shame me for my future hypothetical conversations.

[newmebithebypass 713]

My feeling is this I'm not shouting it from the roof tops but I'm not ashamed of my decision either I will tell my family after I've had the surgery and lost the majority of the weight

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Everyone who lies and doesn't tell the truth is part of the problem and not the solution. There's no shame in surgery but there is shame in people who lie about it.

Every time I have someone ask me if I've lost a lot of weight I always tell them I had weight loss surgery.

You sound really judgemental and rude. That's not the point of this website. This is supposed to be a supportive, helpful site. I cannot believe you are judging other people's very PERSONAL decision. What part of the "problem" am I since I'm not telling people? And yes, I am well aware I seem angry. I am angry at your comment.

Do you judge me for having two surgeries for endometriosis and not telling people about that? This has been my personal struggle and battle. It is my story to share if I decide to.

I think you shaming others for not telling is part of the "problem." And by problem, I mean obesity. We know we are being silently judged at all times just walking into a room. We know how hard it is to stick to a diet and exercise regimen and fail over and over again. For most of us, surgery is the last ditch effort. And we are still afraid of failing. Everyone has their demons, issues, and their right to privacy.

I'm glad you feel so confident in telling everyone about your surgery. But do not try to shame me and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong by keeping my experience to myself.

Obese people suffer and their suffering is made worse when people who had weight loss surgery lie about it. That's what I mean that if you lie you are part of the problem by promoting deception and that all that one has to do is just diet and exercise.

You don't have to shout it on the rooftop but you should be honest when you are asked how you lost the weight. There's no shame in having surgery but there's shame in lying. So if you are actively lying and then have the nerve to say that I'm rude then I suggest you do some soul searching.

Lol calm down. I haven't even had surgery yet. So I'm not "actively lying" about anything. I'm not worried about the shame, or lack thereof, if someone questions how I lose weight and I don't give them my story. By all means, feel free to shame me for my future hypothetical conversations.

LOL!

Truly, laughing out loud. Thanks.

[mrs kaje 347]

Everyone who lies and doesn't tell the truth is part of the problem and not the solution. There's no shame in surgery but there is shame in people who lie about it.

.

Bomp-bow... wrong answer, I'm afraid! Let's move on to the next contestant...

[laneydasilva 34]

I feel it's nobody business but your own and whomever you choose to tell,and some ppl are cruel and will make you feel bad! To each there own choice

[DaisyAmy 561]

Wow, I didn't mean to open such a can of worms. I can honestly see both sides and I'm sure I will find myself at the wrong end of an awkward conversation at some point. I already have the one friend who just wants to tell me all the failure stories she has heard of, etc. Mostly, I feel sad for those who feel they can't tell immediate family. I wish we all could be supported as we deserve to be.

[laneydasilva 34]

I'm told my immediate family close friend only. Don't wanting negativity

[jane13 2,256]

@@DaisyAmy - I didn't tell EVERYONE.

I am approaching 6 months post and down 88lbs from HW and people started wondering if I was ill. I work in a predominately male environment and when guys start asking "are you ok?", you realize they have noticed something is going on.

Around 2 months post I was getting stopped and I was just politely responding "yes" if they asked if I was okay.

Then the questions got to "are you losing weight?" by month 3 and I made the decision to share. I have only gotten support so I am very blessed.

[Graciesmom04 184]

Everyone who lies and doesn't tell the truth is part of the problem and not the solution. There's no shame in surgery but there is shame in people who lie about it.

Every time I have someone ask me if I've lost a lot of weight I always tell them I had weight loss surgery.

I disagree with this completely. So I'm lying if I don't tell them I had surgery? I tell them my portion sizes are 2-4 oz, that I increased my exercising and that I eat primarily Protein. I don't do processed foods, no junk food, no bread, Pasta or pizza, etc. How is that a lie? That is exactly what I'm doing. Is there shame in my surgery? No....I'm an extremely private person. I didn't tell everyone when I had a hysterectomy, or when I had a pinched disc in my back and was on bed rest a month, or when I had C Diff and landed in the hospital for 2 days. It's a personal choice, but calling people who don't tell liars is pretty strong statement....not accurate.

Edited October 29, 2015 by Graciesmom04

[heartofthetinman 31]

Geeze it's personal and not the right of somebody to get on their moral high horse about whether people tell or not. I say to each his own and the others should keep their judgement to themselves.

[Brandy Wine 24]

Haven't told my dad. Mentioned it to him about a month ago. Nothing but negative comments. My surgery is in two weeks. My husband and two daughters are supportive. Not sure when I'm telling my dad.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

As a few others have said, people who have not fought obesity as long as many of us have have a completely different perspective. I plan to tell very few people ahead of time, because I don't want the topic to be the center of attention as I've witnessed it inevitably becomes. I, too, want to keep my focus internal, because this is an inside game. My energies will need to be spent on making changes. I don't want to explain myself or try one more time to educate well-meaning but seriously unhelpful folks who try to second-guess what is a very personal decision. I'm not afraid that my decision will make friends who also struggle with their weight "feel bad", we're adults and responsible for our own choices.

What I decide to to afterwards remains to be seen. It isn't likely to become an issue until after people notice that my weight loss has gone beyond my usual yo-yo pattern anyhow. I plan to to take four weeks off work, and my coworkers may wonder what is up, but beyond saying I need to have some surgery, that's as much as I'm sharing on the front end. I work with a bunch of other healthcare professionals and I frankly just don't want the input.