Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

How did you compensate for being fat? Will you change when you're thin?



Recommended Posts

I really think that when I occupied more space ... I was louder... Perhaps more brash.

I do try to speak in a lower voice when appropriate now. I have a bit of hearing loss so I don't hear myself as well as I used to... So again , I have to try to remind myself.

Also. I stand up taller... Strangely I seem taller than most of my gal friends . I wear a modest heel ... Partly posture, workouts, not exactly sure why, but I like it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

These are great questions. I am an introvert, and truly enjoy a lot of time on my own. However, I also know that I avoid new situations and experiences because I don't want to be judged. I, too, was the smart, fat girl - with glasses. I lived in my head and in my books. I'm hoping that as I lose weight I will find the courage to participate in and experience more of what life has to offer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I compensated by withdrawing and being even more introverted than I would have liked. I rarely socialized and was constantly worried about being judged for being so fat.

Things that will change (or already are changing)? I will start wearing the clothes I want to wear - vintage, pin up girl stuff (used to shop exclusively in vintage clothing stores as a teen and through college). I now dye my hair crazy colors since I don't care what anyone says or if they are looking at me or not. I feel free to be myself again.

I don't think I will ever be skinny/thin. I will be completely happy to be chubby and a size 14 tho - since I think I look great that way, and I love my body at that size.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wear dark colors A LOT! I have really long beautiful hair and I don't wear it down because it draws attention to myself and I don't want that. I don't go out and am not involved in any groups in church. I rarely go to the beach and if I do I DO NOT sit for fear of looking like a beached whale when trying to get up. I will say one thing I am really ready for, is being 100lbs down and seeing my ex and his new fat wife. Lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To try and answer my own questions ...

1. What behaviors / skills did you develop to compensate for being fat?

First, I'm an extrovert, so there's that. And I'm the oldest sibling, so there's all that first-child stuff going on. By the time I hit high school I was trying to run everything you could get elected to run. And by then I was definitely the big girl with the big personality.
Did I develop the big personality as compensation for being overweight? I think, even with my natural bent in those directions, that I did to some extent. I think I learned very early on that if you have a disadvantage (and let's face it, young fat girls and fat teenage girls do have social disadvantages) it pays to lead with any other strengths you have. I was lucky that I had other strengths.
So I wound up being the hardest-working, most dependable, get 'er done, leap-into-the-breach employee, daughter, friend, and random stranger in an emergency I could possibly be. Someone needs to pull an all-nighter? Glad to do it. Someone needs to care for our mother with Alzheimers? Nobody can do it as well as I can.
The big upside to all this is that I learned to take big risks in life, most of which paid off in many ways in both my career and personal life. I've had adventures, even when I failed!
But the inevitable downside included decades of all-nighters. And moving 1,000 miles to another state to move Mother into our home and fund 24/7 caregivers because a nursing home couldn't possibly care for her the way I could. In other words, delegating to others (and trusting others) did not become one of my superpowers because I had learned to believe I was responsible for everything.

2. Do you think you'll change (and how) when you're thin?

Definitely! I've been normal-sized for about 6 months now and maintaining at 140 pounds at 5'5". My anxiety is noticeably lower. I feel less judgmental of others whose performance standards are lower / different from mine. I don't think it's coincidental that I'm sweating the small stuff a lot less. Yet I wouldn't have predicted some of the changes I've undergone.
Maybe it's just that I have more energy, am no longer in pain, no longer disappointed in myself, sleeping better. Perhaps these health improvements have resulted in my lower anxiety levels, feeling less irritable and not in "emergency mode" all the time.

This is an important topic for me, and I'm going to think about this some more.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think for the first question I don't really compensate for being fat I like what I like. I'm a big geek. Like huge I run in geek circles and go to conventions with my friends and spouse. And all my friends are geeks. As for changes when I get thin the only thing I think will change will be my sex life. And I'm a kinkster so once I lose the weight I can enjoy my kinky side more

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • buildabetteranna

      over 20 lbs down since4 the pre surgery diet and surgery on the 14th
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        Yay!! Congrats. I know how good that feels. 🤩

    • Jenopolis

      Had a sleeve in 2017, lost over 100 pounds. Had a DS surgery this year (2025) for more sustainable weight loss. 🤞
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      The 14th was my day. I am home and recovery is going pretty smooth. They even let me walk out of the hospital. Picture of me in recovery curtesy of my boyfriend lol. 

      · 3 replies
      1. DaisyChainOz

        Glad it went well!! Wishing you a speedy recovery and wonderful success!! 🤗

      2. buildabetteranna

        Thank you ❤️

      3. Selina333

        Neat you have a pic of this day! I was sooo happy to get my surgery. It was well worth it! And I'm not even near my goal. I had surgery Dec. 2!

    • Alisa_S

      Bought a treadmill and some 5 lb weights. Time to get off my butt and get moving!
      · 1 reply
      1. DaisyChainOz

        That's a great choice! 😊

    • DaisyChainOz

      Surgery done!  Really looking forward to the next chapter 🥳😁
      · 3 replies
      1. GreenTealael

        Congratulations!!🎉

      2. Bugzy46

        Congrats

      3. Alisa_S

        Fantastic! Best of luck to you & I hope you're healing nicely & not having much pain!🙏

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×