Why are so many White Women marrying Black Men?

[green 6]

I think that this is a very interesting discussion. (And thank you, Lee4, for the compliments.)

I am inclined to believe that very, very few of us are entirely free of racial bias. In the case of those of us who truly do believe that we are entirely free of racism I suggest that we simply haven't found ourselves in a situation which tests our belief that all people are equal and equally valuable. How are you going to feel when your child wants to marry an Arab? Or your neuro-surgeon is black? Such situations can often end up being deal-breakers for folk who genuinely believed that they were not racists.

And as Lee4 points out, racism isn't just the white man's crime although it is true that we are quite talented at this. I can tell you a whole bunch of stories of people whom I know who have been given grief by their families and communities for hanging with and dating people outside of their own race and culture. Some of these people are Chinese, some of them are South Asian, and some of them are Carribean. You see, my city is a city which is rich in new Canadians; though our new-comers are anxious to see their children master the ways of the new culture, they are equally anxious to preserve their own folkways, and it is when their kids decide to blend with the host culture and to intermarry that their parents and their communities will often have terrible problems with dealing with this apparent abandonment and disrespect. (Okay, one example: I used to know a Chinese Canadian girl who was living with a black guy; this drove her parents right around the twist. They weren't too happy about any of her white boyfriends either.)

[green 6]

I have as I said before nephews who are biracial, the other day one of them mentioned a friend by name, Aaron, and I ask which one he was, he tells me, he is the one who drives the classic Charger, he works at Auto Zone, and had the faux hawk last year. Well a few minutes later Aaron showed up to pick him up, and Aaron was Asian---but my nephew never apparantly thought of THAT as a way to describe which one he was! He saw him simply as a friend, who had a cool car, and a memorable hair cut! Is it because he himself has been described based on his dual race identity? Who knows, but it made me smile to know he did not differentiate him that way. Would I have done the same? I seriously doubt it...would I have meant the description to be derogatory? Not in any way at all, but I still believe I would have likely used his race to describe him. Not that it is right, just being honest.

Kat

Though I enjoyed your post I have edited it in order to draw attention to one point which you have made, the notion that someone who is truly free of racism will never employ race as part of a description of somebody. When I was very, very young - just an idealistic teenager - I felt that race should be so invisible that one would never, ever refer to it. Well, I now think that this attitude is wrong. Race is just another salient physical characteristic, in exactly the same way that age, eye colour, hair colour, weight, height, and other possible ethnic aspects, etc are.

If, for instance, we are at a party and I want to point out a good friend of mine to you and I provide you with a complete description of her hair, the colour of her eyes, her height, her weight, and what she is wearing, and I don't mention to you that she is black, well, that is just plain weird, isn't it? I know that if I am hanging with a bunch of black friends they are going to describe me as the white chick. They will describe me this way because I am white. If I am hanging with a bunch of guys they will describe me as the broad, and they will do this because I am the broad and not because they are sexist.

By refusing to acknowledge someone's race you are implying that there is something wrong with our differences and there isn't. This is the conclusion I have come to, although it took me some years to figure it out, and this is why I never, ever ignore this business of our differences. I think that these are interesting, valuable, and are worth talking about.

I have also got to admit that I am one frizzy haired blondie and I use a lot of black products for my hair for this reason. In fact I turned my fuzzy mum on to some of the African Gold line. I hate the frizzies but this did allow me to have a lot of fun at work. I got into the habit of telling people that I was Jamaican. This amused me a lot because I would tell them this without modifying my Canadian accent and I am so white that I am practically blue. :heh: It is total sunblock for Green, eh. I sure did enjoy telling my colleagues that I was Jamaican. I sure do love to have fun.

[Kat817 19]

I never meant to imply describing them that way would be wrong. Isaid it might not be rioght, simply because the person I would have been describing may have felt it was wrong. I don't have any real strong feelings one way or another, with it being used as description. I feel it is obvious, as well as relevent. But in my post, mainly I wondered about it, wondering if he left it out, due to his own biracial heritage---most descriptions of biracial people are derogatory. I said I probably would not have left it out, I figured, it would have been one way in which I described who Aaron was. Good thing, bad thing, or indifferent, I felt I would not have left it out. He did. I had to wonder if he just didn't find it relevent to mention, or as I said above, whether it was due to him wondering how people describe him.

This nephew is half Navajo Indian, and half white. To look at him, one would first guess he was black...if going on looks alone. This boy is so cute, he has an awakening, when he leaves this area!!! He is currently dating a girl who is of the same mix. When he was in grade school, he told everyone he was black. My niece said you should have seen the teacher when she showed up to parent teacher conference!!

I agree that it feels like one thinks there is a problem, when race is totally ignored. I just did not get that feeling from him. Now, he has friends of all colors--I have seen that for myself, and Aaron may not be the only Asian, so he may have described him in other ways due only to that...I just found it interesting, when the kid showed up, that of all things to leave out, that was it!

I hope in the end this comes together, I went back and added and took out comments, all while cooking dinner!!! Wonder if either one will turn out right???

Kat

[green 6]

LOL My friend whom I described much earlier in this thread, the guy who was obsessed by his own racial identity, well, I had seen him quite a number of times on my street before we became friends and I thought that he was Dayak! Yep, I thought that he was Malaysian and it never occurred to me that he was actually black until he and I became close friends and then he spent much of our time together discussing his own history of personal damage. Life is very, very funny, isn't it? I sure didn't see his race...nope, not at all.

This is why I find that this discussion is really very interesting.

And thanks to you, Lee4, who introduced this topic to R and R.

[want2beme 2]

I don't know where you live, but I have such a diverse group of friends, co-workers and family, that I find this topic odd. I'm white, and with a Mexican man. It doesn't make a difference what ethnicity you are. My friend Kim is black and also with a Mexican man. I have latino, white, and asian in my family. America is the melting pot baby! If you got stuck in one of those backwards towns, sorry for you!

Sounds like you have a problem with Black Men taking YOUR White Woman! You know the one, the one that you DON'T NEED! haha... right!

[BJean 16]

want2beme: I think that Lee started this post so he could brag a little. Simple as that.

[green 6]

I don't know where you live, but I have such a diverse group of friends, co-workers and family, that I find this topic odd. I'm white, and with a Mexican man. It doesn't make a difference what ethnicity you are. My friend Kim is black and also with a Mexican man. I have latino, white, and asian in my family. America is the melting pot baby! If you got stuck in one of those backwards towns, sorry for you!

Sounds like you have a problem with Black Men taking YOUR White Woman! You know the one, the one that you DON'T NEED! haha... right!

I believe that there are areas of the United States which are more racist and more homophobic, for that matter, than others. This is why I think that this is a valuable topic for discussion. It sounds like you are lucky that you live in a place where acceptance is the norm. Of course in an ideal world this is how life would be....everywhere.

[Kat817 19]

In some ways my small town may be considered backwards to many. In yet other ways, it is very accepting, and "with" the times. It was a town where my children were exposed to a wide variety of arts, arts of many mediums, many cultures etc. Some racial issues, are so common as not to be viewed by the outside world as different. I say to the outside world...simply because when you deal with it personally, you live the differences every day, you learn to either cope with them, or embrace them as your own. Cultural, and religious differences for instance, when we Celebrate holidays in our family, we have several instances where the cultures have mingled...we have chose to combine and embrace as opposed to having separate celebrations.

We live just miles from the fastest growing gay populated small town in America, according to the Associated Press anyway....I see no difference, we go there often, I see it growing leaps and bounds, but have no idea of who is living in all the new housing!!!

Our kids grew up tolerant of homosexual lifestyles, despite being in a farming community.

The racial tensions in our community are many government induced in my opinion. The differences in law between the Navajo Nation, an Indian reservation, and the surrounding non reservation towns are VAST!!! The laws governing the people as they travel back and forth between the reservation and the non reservation land change as well, and it causes great discord. Business people are required to do business basically with their hands tied behind their back. For instance....federal law prohibits discrimination when one applies for a car loan. And yet, if the car is sold, and then transported to the reservation, the loan company has to have approval of the tribal council to repossess, and the approval---is years in the coming. That goes for mobile homes, furniture, etc. Anything that can be moved to the reservation, is gone, repossession is hard coming. The DWI laws----any DWI a Native American is arrested for on the reservation will not count against them, when arrested for the same off of the reservation.

An employment ad in our local paper, is often seen with the words "Native American hiring preference", and it is legal.

When faced with inequities, such as these, especially younger people, who have not taken history into consideration, see nothing but the unfairness in their eyes....and racial tensions come up.

I have company---will complete these thoughts later!!!

Kat

[BJean 16]

kat: Those observations you made about the racial tensions in your neck of the woods are understandable. I can certainly see both sides to those issues. Non natives would like to live in a place where people aren't discriminated against just because they AREN'T Native American. Native Americans would like to have their land and dignity back.

I grew up in Oklahoma. Although I knew plenty of Native Americans, I didn't know of any reservations in our area as we think of "reservations" today. Near where I lived, there were a lot of Osage Indians and they were thought of as very wealthy by most standards. They owned the land that the oil was on. Cherokees were respected because of the way they handled their relocation and the way they embraced the white man's culture and educational opportunities.

It is so interesting to learn about different Native American cultures across the U.S. And it's always interesting to learn how Native Americans are perceived by non-Native American "natives".

I know you have previously mentioned where you live, New Mexico, right?

[Kat817 19]

Sorry about that, I hated to just close it and forget what I was thinking---but my parents showed up, and she needed me to look up and book some motel rooms for them---so I just sent it as it was!

Yes BJean, I am in the Northwest corner of New Mexico. All in all, a wonderful place to be. want2beme, says she is sorry for those of us living in backwards towns---there are always trade offs, in everything you do! While I am in a small town with a very low Black, and Asian population for instance, we have very high numbers of both Hispanic, and Native American (both Navajo and Ute reservations within miles.) Our acceptance varies based on what is common to our area, but the small town we live in, is safe for children to ride their bikes to the park, and the town shows up in force for Little League baseball, we have parades for everything imaginable. Our schools are ranked highly, we are considered an urban area, when you combine the 3 close by towns, so our shopping, and prices are comparable. Time, as well as generations will pass, and I fervently hope that as they do, the racial issues will be lessened, and our town as well as many others will become more accepting of racial differences.

But all in all, I am completely happy with where I live despite the tensions that arise from time to time. The issue is not limited to "backwards towns"....bad attitudes exist in big cities, and small towns as well.

Kat

[BJean 16]

Amen, sister!

[want_so_bad 0]

i just wanted to say that i enjoyed reading this post and all the responses. more then once, thanks to princess, i nearly fell outta my chair laughing.

[DerickM 1]

I have not been having much luck with white women so I am swearing off them for now.

[DonHoll1 0]

I don`t care who anybody marries. Donna

[BJean 16]

Excellent point, Donna!