Skinny chasers

[bellabloom 2,467]

I have been on several dates lately and it's amazing me how often the subject of my weight is coming up.

These men seemed intrigued and extremely attracted to and mesmerized by my thinness. They talk about my weight and how little I eat as such a plus and make sure they let me know how they don't like overweight women and they talk about their own weight a lot to the negative even if they are thin.

Is there a breed of men especially attracted to underweight women? Because I seem to be attracting them in droves and it's a very weird feeling to me.

I feel like for one I could never let these guys know I used to be overweight. They are so fixated on my shape and I feel totally uncomfortable thinking of what their reaction might be to know my history. I'm sitting their wondering how far their desire for perfection goes. I find the attitude pretty repulsive and walk away knowing I could not date these guys.

In fact it's gotten so bad I'm finding myself seeking out and wanting to date an overweight man because I find his attitude about his body more attractive and it comforting to be with someone that is overweight. It's more familiar to me and I feel like they would be less likely to judge my history.

The attention I'm getting from men seems so biased towards my looks. It's making me feel really weird. I'd hate to have to burst their bubble with the truth and I also hate the idea of only being seen for my physical self.

I'm not saying it's all the guys I've gone out with, but I am definitely running into it. Like these guys are groupies for modelesque type women and I'm suddenly in that status.

It bothers me to hear them put down overweight women. I happen to find overweight men and women attractive and I make sure and tell them that.

I went to dinner with a guy tonight and both him and the waiter teased me about how little I ate and he even told me how his daughter is overweight and her thighs are big and how him and his ex wife tried to intervene and help her by sending her into counseling. Poor girl.

I want to be skinny but I don't want to be in this kind of club.

[Victoria Mora 40]

Ive always found Stocky men attractive. Skinny men ( bag of bones i use to call them ) just don't do it for me, never have even when I was slim pre children.

[parisshel 1,892]

You can certainly enjoy being thin and not have to be in any fetishist's club. One does not imply the other, so don't worry about that.

I find what you are describing to be as offensive as homophobia or racism. You wouldn't give a guy a second date if he said on the first date how much he hated blacks or asians, or how much he despised gay people, right?

So just use these very disrespectful, but informative,l comments as a way to sort out men you would never be compatible with, and keep sifting through the crap until you find your gold.

I remember years ago having a first date with a man who, over coffee, began to diss on his employers. "They are Jewish, so of course they are stingy and my salary isn't what it should be."

"Oh really?" I said. "I know a lot of Jewish people who aren't like that."

"Who?" he asked.

"Well," I began, "my parents, for instance."

There was never a second date, of course, but what a great insight into who this man was.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I have been on several dates lately and it's amazing me how often the subject of my weight is coming up.

These men seemed intrigued and extremely attracted to and mesmerized by my thinness. They talk about my weight and how little I eat as such a plus and make sure they let me know how they don't like overweight women and they talk about their own weight a lot to the negative even if they are thin.

Is there a breed of men especially attracted to underweight women? Because I seem to be attracting them in droves and it's a very weird feeling to me.

I feel like for one I could never let these guys know I used to be overweight. They are so fixated on my shape and I feel totally uncomfortable thinking of what their reaction might be to know my history. I'm sitting their wondering how far their desire for perfection goes. I find the attitude pretty repulsive and walk away knowing I could not date these guys.

In fact it's gotten so bad I'm finding myself seeking out and wanting to date an overweight man because I find his attitude about his body more attractive and it comforting to be with someone that is overweight. It's more familiar to me and I feel like they would be less likely to judge my history.

The attention I'm getting from men seems so biased towards my looks. It's making me feel really weird. I'd hate to have to burst their bubble with the truth and I also hate the idea of only being seen for my physical self.

I'm not saying it's all the guys I've gone out with, but I am definitely running into it. Like these guys are groupies for modelesque type women and I'm suddenly in that status.

It bothers me to hear them put down overweight women. I happen to find overweight men and women attractive and I make sure and tell them that.

I went to dinner with a guy tonight and both him and the waiter teased me about how little I ate and he even told me how his daughter is overweight and her thighs are big and how him and his ex wife tried to intervene and help her by sending her into counseling. Poor girl.

I want to be skinny but I don't want to be in this kind of club.

Girl.

Excuse my need to get real, and I am saying this with all due respect but many of us do seem to surround ourselves with like minded folk.

You seem to be very focused on your weight and appearance -- at least here on these forums. That's not a knock, it's simply MY perception. I'm guessing that your tendency to focus on your personal appearance guides the attention of the men you are dating to do the same.

Join groups that focus on biking, hiking, knitting, whatever it is YOU enjoy doing and like minded people will be there to be met.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

If you suspect they are a "fat-shamer", slipping in about how you were obese may not be a bad thing, this way you can weed out people with that kind of mentality, because they probably wouldn't have given you a second look when you were obese.

I hate people like that. There are some people who give me the time of the day now that I lost weight. I am glad they showed their true colors; I rather have a conversation with an obese person who is sincere, true and kind then one with a normal weight person who is two-faced and shallow.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I kind of think Lipsticklady has a point - we often project something that attracts "something"

I am older than you, but am told I am youthful looking for my age. I am not "skinny" but I am trimmer than most 50 year olds and I have some "shape" to my body so I guess i have experienced something similar.

Here is my view - I have no problem with someone expressing they are attracted to me, they are relieved to find out I actually look like my pictures, and am not overweight. However, that is just one aspect of me and if they don't have anything more interesting to talk about I really don't want to see them again.

In fact, in my experience, a well mannered gentleman will pay a compliment, express his interest and then move on to treating you as though you were an actual human.

I happen to be attracted to a certain physical type myself but when I was dating I surely didn't limit my self to them because guess what - alot of the tall, dark, handsome, athletic, outdoorsy type guys are asshats towards women and have gotten away with it for decades due to their looks. Shiny objects lose their shine quickly once they jerk side appears and I care alot about how someone makes me feel.

When I hear some of the obnoxious replies on dating sites that "ordinary looking" guys get on dating websites, it sounds like a lot of the women are asses too... it is a pool with lots of good people but plenty of people with "issues" too.

I read your other post - and I suspect it is time to just take a break, think about how you are presenting yourself and then perhaps start over after a "cooling off" period and think of the type you actually want to attract.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I have to agree with @@LipstickLady , you get what you project. You created a thread about being obsessed with yourself and your posts have gone down hill since then.

You should take a break from dating and focus on yourself and get grounded in your new persona before dating.

You come off as not being comfortable in your skin. Men will pick up on that and exploit it.

Edited October 22, 2015 by OutsideMatchInside

[bellabloom 2,467]

I have been on several dates lately and it's amazing me how often the subject of my weight is coming up.

These men seemed intrigued and extremely attracted to and mesmerized by my thinness. They talk about my weight and how little I eat as such a plus and make sure they let me know how they don't like overweight women and they talk about their own weight a lot to the negative even if they are thin.

Is there a breed of men especially attracted to underweight women? Because I seem to be attracting them in droves and it's a very weird feeling to me.

I feel like for one I could never let these guys know I used to be overweight. They are so fixated on my shape and I feel totally uncomfortable thinking of what their reaction might be to know my history. I'm sitting their wondering how far their desire for perfection goes. I find the attitude pretty repulsive and walk away knowing I could not date these guys.

In fact it's gotten so bad I'm finding myself seeking out and wanting to date an overweight man because I find his attitude about his body more attractive and it comforting to be with someone that is overweight. It's more familiar to me and I feel like they would be less likely to judge my history.

The attention I'm getting from men seems so biased towards my looks. It's making me feel really weird. I'd hate to have to burst their bubble with the truth and I also hate the idea of only being seen for my physical self.

I'm not saying it's all the guys I've gone out with, but I am definitely running into it. Like these guys are groupies for modelesque type women and I'm suddenly in that status.

It bothers me to hear them put down overweight women. I happen to find overweight men and women attractive and I make sure and tell them that.

I went to dinner with a guy tonight and both him and the waiter teased me about how little I ate and he even told me how his daughter is overweight and her thighs are big and how him and his ex wife tried to intervene and help her by sending her into counseling. Poor girl.

I want to be skinny but I don't want to be in this kind of club.

Girl.

Excuse my need to get real, and I am saying this with all due respect but many of us do seem to surround ourselves with like minded folk.

You seem to be very focused on your weight and appearance -- at least here on these forums. That's not a knock, it's simply MY perception. I'm guessing that your tendency to focus on your personal appearance guides the attention of the men you are dating to do the same.

Join groups that focus on biking, hiking, knitting, whatever it is YOU enjoy doing and like minded people will be there to be met.

You turned around my post about men being obsessed with my weight and looks and made it my fault. It's ME that's obsessed with my weight and so therefore I attract men who are.

That's just nuts. I'm online dating. I go out with a wide variety of men- different types and different backgrounds. It's a fairly random selection.

I was doing the online dating thing at 160 pounds not that long ago. And no one mentioned my weight or looks, what I ate (I ate even less then) and I feel I got a lot more men interested in who I am than what I look like.

I'm not wearing a flag that says "skinny obsessed men here" and I NEVER bring up weight on a date!! I have a rule never to discuss exes, weight, or health problems on a first date.

It's the men. They look at me like I'm some rare type of zoo creature escaped that they've won the lottery to be out with. I just sit there eating my dinner while they go on and on about weight!! If I have to hear one more thin guy tell me about how he needs to lose 20 pounds!! Maybe I need to get better at shutting down the subject when it comes up. I need to come up with some lines that stop them from discussing it.

I am not feeling much sympathy for what I'm going through. I've just lost 125 pounds and I find myself in a body that is totally foreign to me. I never expected to look like this. And men are treating me different because of it. I am not obsessed with my weight- I'm going through a huge adjustment and this forum is where I post on that subject. So yeah! I talk about my feelings regarding weight a lot!!

What am I supposed to talk about? The price of rice in China??

I am very self confident- I love myself and I carry my head high.

I am finding out that men, especially white men, in California, are super attracted to very thin women. And some of them are fixated on it to an unhealthy degree. I literally get the 10nth degree from these guys or they just can't stop commenting on my looks and it's so uncomfortable. They launch into complaining about their weight and then I just feel so awkward.

It's not something that is my fault. It just is. I look like a model (well, an old one!) and I'm getting the attention of men obsessed with looks. It makes sense. It's new for me. It's weird. I don't like it. But it's a reality I'm dealing with. Their comments about other people weight and shortcomings piss me off!!!

I'm also meeting men who care about more than that. Thank goodness.

I'm looking for support on here and telling me I post too much on any one subject hurts my feelings. You don't have to read my posts if you don't want to hear what I have to say. You don't always have to agree with me or sympathize but at least don't make me feel I can't open up about things in a place where we all should be able to talk openly.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I have to agree with @@LipstickLady , you get what you project. You created a thread about being obsessed with yourself and your posts have gone down hill since then.

You should take a break from dating and focus on yourself and get grounded in your new persona before dating.

You come off as not being comfortable in your skin. Men will pick up on that and exploit it.

This is so mean and hurtful. That post was about me celebrating my success and being thrilled about what I've accomplished. It was about self love and worth.

How does it help you too tell me my posts suck? I would never say something like that to anyone!

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[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am sorry you feel criticized. I am a few years ahead of you. It is very difficult to adjust to being attractive when that is not your history.
I have experienced my version of what you are talking about. It has been a huge thing - I never expected

The advice people are trying to give is solid though - you need to be strong in yourself before you attract the right energy.

This is more than looks - looks get you the initial interest, but doesn't get you a healthy relationship.

[bellabloom 2,467]

You can certainly enjoy being thin and not have to be in any fetishist's club. One does not imply the other, so don't worry about that.

I find what you are describing to be as offensive as homophobia or racism. You wouldn't give a guy a second date if he said on the first date how much he hated blacks or asians, or how much he despised gay people, right?

So just use these very disrespectful, but informative,l comments as a way to sort out men you would never be compatible with, and keep sifting through the crap until you find your gold.

I remember years ago having a first date with a man who, over coffee, began to diss on his employers. "They are Jewish, so of course they are stingy and my salary isn't what it should be."

"Oh really?" I said. "I know a lot of Jewish people who aren't like that."

"Who?" he asked.

"Well," I began, "my parents, for instance."

There was never a second date, of course, but what a great insight into who this man was.

Thank you for understanding my post. It is totally offensive to me to hear people put others down on their looks. My being thin has seemed to give these guys a license to criticize other women! Seriously, the guy I went out with last night insulted his own daughter to me!!!

I am a professional photographer for a living. I've worked with a lot of models over the years. And it's interesting to me how SO many of them can't seem to find a relationship. One would think it would be easy being blessed with incredible beauty as they are.

I suspect the issue is that they do attract shallow men obsessed with looks and perfection. They have to weed through that and find Someone who enjoys their beauty but looks past it and sees their personality as well.

I have met several men obsessed with looks and they come right out and say it. It's not in my head.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I have been on several dates lately and it's amazing me how often the subject of my weight is coming up.

These men seemed intrigued and extremely attracted to and mesmerized by my thinness. They talk about my weight and how little I eat as such a plus and make sure they let me know how they don't like overweight women and they talk about their own weight a lot to the negative even if they are thin.

Is there a breed of men especially attracted to underweight women? Because I seem to be attracting them in droves and it's a very weird feeling to me.

I feel like for one I could never let these guys know I used to be overweight. They are so fixated on my shape and I feel totally uncomfortable thinking of what their reaction might be to know my history. I'm sitting their wondering how far their desire for perfection goes. I find the attitude pretty repulsive and walk away knowing I could not date these guys.

In fact it's gotten so bad I'm finding myself seeking out and wanting to date an overweight man because I find his attitude about his body more attractive and it comforting to be with someone that is overweight. It's more familiar to me and I feel like they would be less likely to judge my history.

The attention I'm getting from men seems so biased towards my looks. It's making me feel really weird. I'd hate to have to burst their bubble with the truth and I also hate the idea of only being seen for my physical self.

I'm not saying it's all the guys I've gone out with, but I am definitely running into it. Like these guys are groupies for modelesque type women and I'm suddenly in that status.

It bothers me to hear them put down overweight women. I happen to find overweight men and women attractive and I make sure and tell them that.

I went to dinner with a guy tonight and both him and the waiter teased me about how little I ate and he even told me how his daughter is overweight and her thighs are big and how him and his ex wife tried to intervene and help her by sending her into counseling. Poor girl.

I want to be skinny but I don't want to be in this kind of club.

Girl.

Excuse my need to get real, and I am saying this with all due respect but many of us do seem to surround ourselves with like minded folk.

You seem to be very focused on your weight and appearance -- at least here on these forums. That's not a knock, it's simply MY perception. I'm guessing that your tendency to focus on your personal appearance guides the attention of the men you are dating to do the same.

Join groups that focus on biking, hiking, knitting, whatever it is YOU enjoy doing and like minded people will be there to be met.

You turned around my post about men being obsessed with my weight and looks and made it my fault. It's ME that's obsessed with my weight and so therefore I attract men who are.

That's just nuts. I'm online dating. I go out with a wide variety of men- different types and different backgrounds. It's a fairly random selection.

I was doing the online dating thing at 160 pounds not that long ago. And no one mentioned my weight or looks, what I ate (I ate even less then) and I feel I got a lot more men interested in who I am than what I look like.

I'm not wearing a flag that says "skinny obsessed men here" and I NEVER bring up weight on a date!! I have a rule never to discuss exes, weight, or health problems on a first date.

It's the men. They look at me like I'm some rare type of zoo creature escaped that they've won the lottery to be out with. I just sit there eating my dinner while they go on and on about weight!! If I have to hear one more thin guy tell me about how he needs to lose 20 pounds!! Maybe I need to get better at shutting down the subject when it comes up. I need to come up with some lines that stop them from discussing it.

I am not feeling much sympathy for what I'm going through. I've just lost 125 pounds and I find myself in a body that is totally foreign to me. I never expected to look like this. And men are treating me different because of it. I am not obsessed with my weight- I'm going through a huge adjustment and this forum is where I post on that subject. So yeah! I talk about my feelings regarding weight a lot!!

What am I supposed to talk about? The price of rice in China??

I am very self confident- I love myself and I carry my head high.

I am finding out that men, especially white men, in California, are super attracted to very thin women. And some of them are fixated on it to an unhealthy degree. I literally get the 10nth degree from these guys or they just can't stop commenting on my looks and it's so uncomfortable. They launch into complaining about their weight and then I just feel so awkward.

It's not something that is my fault. It just is. I look like a model (well, an old one!) and I'm getting the attention of men obsessed with looks. It makes sense. It's new for me. It's weird. I don't like it. But it's a reality I'm dealing with. Their comments about other people weight and shortcomings piss me off!!!

I'm also meeting men who care about more than that. Thank goodness.

I'm looking for support on here and telling me I post too much on any one subject hurts my feelings. You don't have to read my posts if you don't want to hear what I have to say. You don't always have to agree with me or sympathize but at least don't make me feel I can't open up about things in a place where we all should be able to talk openly.

Nope. Nope. Nope. I never said fault.

I simply pointed out what I think *might* be the issue from your history of posts on this board. Sorry if my words made you feel uncomfortable.

Open is good. Open is awesome. I can only respond based on what I "know" about you. If I am wrong, I am wrong.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I am sorry you feel criticized. I am a few years ahead of you. It is very difficult to adjust to being attractive when that is not your history.

I have experienced my version of what you are talking about. It has been a huge thing - I never expected

The advice people are trying to give is solid though - you need to be strong in yourself before you attract the right energy.

This is more than looks - looks get you the initial interest, but doesn't get you a healthy relationship.

Thanks cowgirl Jane. I do feel like some people have been rather mean to me.

We need to remember what we read on here is just a slice of someone's life. For me I post about fear and insecurities, struggled I'm having. I post about success and happiness too. Those are all in my life!! But you can't read my posts on here and think you know me. Especially because most of them are about hard issues!! It's a biased look at me.

I'm am an extremely confident woman who knows what she is looking for. I've walked away from many good prospects and relationships because I'm not going to settle. I love and value myself and know my own worth.

If I'm attracting not so great guys it's because the world is full of not so great people. We all know that!! I do not believe it is some shortcoming or lack of worth in me.

I am one of the kindest, warmest, and most positive people I know. If you knew me in person, you would know that. I'm a loyal friend and wonderful mother. People open up to me because of my gentle and welcoming nature. I'm a very sweet and accepting person. I truly care about people and their feelings.

It's because of this that dating is doubly hard for me. People tend to open up to me right away and a lot of times that's overwhelming! And I don't want to hear some of their truths.

Anyway. I am not some insecure self obsessed bitch like some of you ladies seem to have decided!! Take everything I say with a grain of salt because these are my fears and deepest feelings I share on here.

I'm extremely down to earth, my favorite thing to make fun of is myself, I am a dorky and friendly gal that people generally really like, and I love being me. And someday a man will come along who will love me too AND he will meet my standards of what it is to be an awesome human being.

[sprocket 104]

I think it's always a struggle to find balanced people regardless of whether its for dating, friendship, or whatever. Maybe life-long thin people are overly conscious of other thin people because obesity is so prevalent and on the rise? Not sure. We do have a pretty body obsessed culture. I can totally understand, though, wanting to find a partner who is health conscious and determined not to become obese. It's just when it tips into an obsession, as you say, that it becomes a problem - especially when it tips into the harshly negative and judgmental arena.

I think you may be experiencing the other side of the discussions overweight people seem to constantly have. When I was obese, it seemed that friends consistently talked about losing weight, dieting, and so forth... thin people have many similar concerns only on the remaining thin side of things. Maybe it's just universal.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I have to agree with @@LipstickLady , you get what you project. You created a thread about being obsessed with yourself and your posts have gone down hill since then.

You should take a break from dating and focus on yourself and get grounded in your new persona before dating.

You come off as not being comfortable in your skin. Men will pick up on that and exploit it.

This is so mean and hurtful. That post was about me celebrating my success and being thrilled about what I've accomplished. It was about self love and worth.

How does it help you too tell me my posts suck? I would never say something like that to anyone!

I didn't say your posts suck.

They do come off as being posted by an insecure person that is attention seeking. People that are secure in themselves do seek validation in others the way you do.

The way you responded to criticism in this thread just illustrates it.