Weight Loss Surgery and Family Members with Eating Disorders?

[yerawizardamy 241]

I am going to be doing the sleeve gastrectomy in January and I couldn't be more excited! However, I have a particular and pretty specific worry that I wonder if any one else has had to deal with...

My sister has had eating/workout disorders since she was a teen (now 33), and I have always tried supporting her and tried to get her help, but to no avail. I plan on staying with her/my dad while I recover and I worry that my extreme weight loss will exacerbate her disorders. I seem to do that already when I go and visit for a weekend (I think she is afraid of me judging her so she counteracts that with extreme working out and portion control). I wonder if anyone here has gone through this?

My sister is of course outwardly supportive, but I feel like internally she is jealous (even though she would never ever say it), and wishes it was something she could do (she's not overweight at all, extremely fit). I am worried about telling her about my experiences, but she is a big support of mine. I don't want her feeling inadequate or insecure because of me. If you experienced this, what did you do? Did you tell them straight up how you felt beforehand or did you just avoid talking about your weight loss experience completely?

Thanks in advance!

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I vote for talking about it beforehand. You can't control someone's reaction, but I think that will help. I don't think ignoring an elephant in the room really works.

It sounds like she struggles with maintenance which I can understand. Kudos to her that she's been successful!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I agree. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own health and she is responsible for hers. You can be caring, compassionate, open, and honest. But the decision about what is right to eat or not to eat is up to you.

[gpmed 623]

That's a tough one. I think it's really kind of you to be concerned how your surgery may affect her. I'm not totally sure talking to her beforehand is a good idea.

You know her best and can probably judge whether that would head off a negative experience or create negativity where it may not have existed before. Perhaps you could find a way to wade in slowly. Maybe start by saying you're excited you'll get to spend more time with her while you're recovering.

As far as how to act around her, first remember she's responsible for her own psychological state, just as you are. You can't make her feel jealous or sad.

If you want to take extra steps to make her feel ok, it might help not to talk about calories, fat or carb grams, and pounds lost around her. Just talk about how you're doing in terms of recovering from surgery, getting your fluids, etc.

Edited October 13, 2015 by gpmed