Long Distance Dating?

[ladivaluz806 87]

I don't know if this is even something I want to pursue..

My last 2 relationships were with people who lived out of town. One was about 4 hours away from me me here in Texas and the other was about an hour away. There were always reasons why either of us couldn't make the commute, and more recently my last boyfriend ( fiance actually ) was just always so unavailable to visit or for me to visit for only God knows reasons.

To make a very long story short..

I went to a wedding about 1.5 hours from my home town. I met someone, and its scary how many things we have in common although personality wise we are distinct. Any how he is a great guy from what I am getting to know about him. We have been talking and texting over the phone this past month and we met for dinner one of those nights. I really enjoy his company and he told me he is very interested in me and I in turn said, I am as well and would like to see what will happen.

Hind site is 20/20.. my last 2 relationships were long distance and I was not happy. I need time not a TON of time but some good time with the person I am dating. I am caught in a hard place right now. I am really unsure what to do. I like him and I feel like it could be something .. but I also dont want to fall into the same crap as before with the no time no commuting etc. I have no idea what I am doing. It would be nice to have a local companion.. but that never happens for me. Please any advice would be great

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

If there is a connection give it a chance. Don't miss out on a potentially great relationship. If things don't feel right or he doesn't make time for you then you have your answer. I married my long distance relationship and he moved to me. Good luck!!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@ladivaluz806 - in Texas how can anything an hour a way be considered "long distance?" I get it, I live in a city and don't want to drive more than 25 minutes. It's tough. It's probably a test for the guy to keep making the haul. If he's not willing to do it, then throw in the towel sooner rather than later IMHO.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Good question and I can argue both sides of this one. For me, right now, anything more than 30-45 minutes apart is a "no go" because I eventually want someone to be a meaningful part of my life. My best girfriend lives 45 min away and we often meet somewhere between us. She has only been to my home a few times. I know in my heart that I would not prefer that in a serious relationship.

[magtart 603]

When I met my husband he lived in Houston and I lived in Little Rock. On holiday weekends one of us would fly in to see the other. 5 years later I moved to Houston. 6 years later we are now both in Little Rock.

It can work!

[ladivaluz806 87]

I want to be hopeful...

But my stupid past experiences mind blow me and I already tend to overthink quite a bit. I guess its true what they say , who ever they is..

You make time for what is important to you.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@ladivaluz806 - While its important to learn from the past, it is vital to NOT project other people's failures on the new guy. Tough to do, but important. And it's only fair.

[ladivaluz806 87]

I agree with that @@OKCPirate, yes it is tough to do but I shouldn't project that on him. He seems to be pretty amazing from what I have seen thus far. We each have one child left at home , both girls, both 16 and actually 3 days apart on their birthdays, among many other things.

I've never had a boyfriend who lives in town since I've been divorced since 2001.

[Cheri_j 117]

Long distance relationships take a lot of work, trust, and commitment. Eventually one of you will need to make a decision because they can't go on forever.

I lived in Texas and my then boyfriend lived in Minnesota. We did the long distance relationship for 18 months, before I decided to move to Minnesota and marry the guy. During that 18 months, we would see each other for a week every two months. Once it was two weeks.

When I moved to Minnesota and moved in with my boyfriend (now husband), it was hard. Really hard. I had been by myself a making my own decisions for over 10 years. My boyfriend had been divorced only a couple of years and he didn't want to make the same mistakes, so there was a lot of arguing and compromise. During that first year, I thought for sure I made the biggest mistake of my life. But we stuck it out and really worked at the relationship.

Almost 13 years later, it was worth it. I am married to the best husband ever. I have no regrets.

Long distance relationships are hard, but if give them a chance and see where it takes you, you will never have to wonder "what if?"

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

It's not clear to me how far away this guy lives from where you live.

But I gotta say -- if he sounds like a possible, keep dating him. I think you may be trying to make a decision before you've really spent that much face time with him.

FTR, my husband (who's perfect for me) lived 800 miles away from me when we first started talking online 20 years ago. Two months later we met. Three months after that we married and he moved to where I lived.

And we lived happily ever after.

True love can be very geographically inconvenient.

[Mom26 313]

I would give it a shot. When I was dating my now-husband, he lived an hour from me. And we worked opposite shifts. It was important to both of us, and we made it work. We never saw it as difficult - because we were both willing to do what it took to make it work. Meet in-between. Make plans way in advance for weekend trips. And most importantly, don't compare him to any past relationship - long distance or not. He's done nothing to deserve that negativity. If this is worth it to you, make it worth it. If it's worth it to him, he'll do the same. Be open and honest. Good luck.

[LoseItKacy 347]

I've been in a long distance relationship (I'm in Minnesota and he's in Colorado) for over two years.

It's the strongest relationship I have ever had and I wouldn't trade this for the world. It definitely takes a lot of work, money, and sacrifice but if it's the RIGHT person it's worth it.

Distance will either make you or break you. Like previously said it takes a lot of commitment, trust, and communication. You also have to have a really strong sense of independence. Since you can't have a partner always around, you have to keep yourself busy and constantly work on you.

I would give it a shot. It takes a huge leap of faith but it will be worth it if it's the right person.

[Tssiemer1 549]

I married the guy I was in a long distance relationship with.

[ladivaluz806 87]

Ah.. thank you all for your input.. I am so hopeful after reading your posts. I will keep moving forward and look forward to what the is in store for us

[nieuwevis 294]

someone said it best up thread: the right person is worth it. i, american, married a dutch guy (computer love!).