male only Getting into dating

[RedJoy86 6]

In going through this procedure, I've been very pleased with the weight loss that I've had (lost more than 100 lbs in less than 4 months) and the lifestyle changes that came with it (working out every day, less laziness, changing my wardrobe, eating less so spending less money, etc.). I've felt my confidence growing and I've been told all about how much better I look (even though some days I don't feel it...) and my life is all around better. I have quite a bit more to go before reaching my ultimate weight loss goal but I admire the path that I've walked so far and I hope to keep it up!

Ever since I've been a kid, I've never been able to be with anyone in regards to a relationship for any longer than one or two dates (which doesn't really count, does it?), this has been pretty much due to always being fat and never really having the confidence level to accept rejection. Now-a-days, I'm not so concerned with the rejection or confidence bits because I know that those will change to improve as I lose weight and become more physically fit. However, I'm concerned of a few things:

First, when and how do I really start putting myself out there? I have some ideas of what I'd like to do (online dating once I hit 220 lbs or so, maybe going out with friends more often, etc.) but I'm afraid that I won't actually have the confidence once I'm out there. I'm afraid that I'll crack under the pressure of rejection and I don't want to shut down just because I'm not right for someone for any number of reasons. Plus, there are specific questions that I have, like "What sort of online dating should I do?" or "What sort of places should I go to meet people?" My main question with this is: what sorts of ways have you folks gotten back into dating?

Second, and this is a bit more basic, what suggestions do you folks have for dating after the first date? I'm pretty good at figuring out the first date, keep it simple and learn about the other person while giving them info, that's not so bad. However, are there any creative ideas for the second date, besides the usual "dinner" or "movie" options? I've tried doing mini-golf and bowling, but those things didn't seem right for the person who I tried to date and they ended up being my last dates with those people. Have you guys tried anything unique that's worked?

Finally, I'd love to hear stories, both successful and unsuccessful. They're inspirational and they give me a feeling of "I can do this!" or "Now I know what not to do!" If you have any cool experiences or things to pass on, I'd love to read about them!

As a (truly) last bit, please do NOT just post up here "Just be more confident!" I KNOW! We ALL Know that confidence is huge and we ALL know that losing weight is a big confidence booster. I'm looking for specific ideas, suggestions, or stories; not vague advice that will be followed naturally.

Thanks!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@RedJoy86 - Congrats on your success. Here is a thread I started on this topic:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/336754-unsolicited-online-dating-advice/?hl=dating

If you search this site using the keyword dating, you will find many informative posts on the subject. Good luck and great work. Confidence is the most important thing you can bring to the dating world.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Oh and here are things to avoid:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/352466-they-seemed-sanedating-horror-stories/

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - hey, hey, wait a minute, this is the guys room. Always appreciate your perspective but we may want to talk about guy stuff in here

[RedJoy86 6]

Eh, women reply on our room all of the time. I'll take whatever advice I can get.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@RedJoy86 - Hey rules are rules

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

When i responded to this thread, it wasn't "marked" as mens room. I am not sure if it is due to the device I was using (I have a smart phone, kindle and laptop) or a system glitch. I am on my laptop now and it is clear but at the time i couldn't tell. I thought about going back and deleting it, but I dunno that any lives have been lost due to my post...

@@CowgirlJane - hey, hey, wait a minute, this is the guys room. Always appreciate your perspective but we may want to talk about guy stuff in here

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - I'm sure the sun will continue to rise in the east despite your presence

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

@CowgirlJane

When i responded to this thread, it wasn't "marked" as mens room. I am not sure if it is due to the device I was using (I have a smart phone, kindle and laptop) or a system glitch. I am on my laptop now and it is clear but at the time i couldn't tell. I thought about going back and deleting it, but I dunno that any lives have been lost due to my post...

A woman's perspective to some of the "Boys Only Club" questions could be very insightful.

Guy's subjects:

Sex

Football

Sex

Baseball

Sex

Hockey

Sex

Power Tools

Sex

Cars

Sex

(you get the pattern)

Edited October 13, 2015 by 4MRB4PHOTO

[BigViffer 3,544]

I have replied to several women's only posts when on my mobile. It does not always show that it is gener specific. And CowGirlJane is not known for being a troll, so I believe her. Not that Pirate was accusing her or anything. Just letting the OP know that it happens on here frequently.

To the OP's question, it really does boil down to your level of confidence. But how do you gain confidence in an arena that you have no experience? This is merely my opinion; so if you don't like it or agree with it, that's totally cool. I have no credentials as a couple therapist nor a matchmaker.

Don't go looking for a date yet. Don't go looking for a woman to complete you just yet. You are getting ready to make a big change in your life. Embrace it and be a little selfish for now. Is there something that you always wanted to do that you were just too shy to do? Like take a dance class? Or maybe Judo? Learn the piano? Is there some club that you always wanted to join but just not confident enough in yourself to try? Do that now. Then you will start to meet people that have similar interests in what you have. Maybe you will meet someone in that class/club/lesson and you will have a natural opening line or at least an easy conversation starter.

If nothing else, you might make a couple friends. Then they will perhaps say, "I've got a friend/relative I'd like you to meet."

OKCPirate has said several times that it's a numbers game. The more people you meet, the better chance you will have of meeting the one you are looking for.

Edited October 13, 2015 by BigViffer

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@BigViffer - I agree with you, first on @@CowgirlJane, she is good people, just warning her about lurking with us guys . Second on taking it slow. I'm a little ashamed of some of my behavior post surgery. Things got really great for me about three or four months post surgery. BIG surge in hormones, new abilities and women's attention. I was not quite prepared for it, and had possibly a little too much fun (OK, I was a kid in a candy store). But I sowed my wild oats, and I'm ready to get serious. Would I do it again...yeah. But with the knowledge that is what I'm doing. BUT please be very careful of other people's hearts and feelings. And no matter what women tell you that "it's only FWB" it never is for women. EVER*

*Who really knows, but assume it never is.

[RedJoy86 6]

@BigViffer @@OKCPirate

You guys definitely have a good point. I do plan on taking it slow when I get back into it. I hope to have a little bit of fun but nothing too crazy. I will say that I've already experienced a massive change in the hormones so we'll see how that changes in the next few weeks and months. I want to be as perfect as I can be when I start dating again, so I've still got about 25-30 pounds to go before truly getting there. I really do like the idea of trying out a new club or interest, I've always wanted to get back into some form of martial arts (I already do a lot of music stuff and I've already noticed a huge difference in my fitness level so it makes sense to do something athletic). I like the idea of doing that.

For the confidence bit, I don't really have anything against hearing it (or in this case, reading it) but it's simply information that I already know. I am looking for more specifics, which you guys provided. As the side note, I am noticing the change in confidence, just with work interactions alone!

As for @CowgirlJane and other ladies who'd like to read and comment, they know far more about women than I could in a lifetime! I'm more than happy for their advice!

[chuck415 89]

You know, I have been thinking of getting back into dating for a while. My wife, however, doesn't seem so supportive...... <rimshot>

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@chuck415 - she might be ok with it after you show her this post: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219760-sex-oh-my-god-sex/

<baddda bing>

[chuck415 89]

Haha ok I'll see how well that works out.