Hurt again.

[scubav85 110]

Break ups always stink, even if it was with someone that caused you pain. It hurt when I broke it off with my daughters mom but it needed to happen. I felt "free" after a few weeks/months so i started living again, and doing what makes me happy. I'm happy to have my little girl full time.

But yeah, congrats on taking care of yourself! I would suggest you not getting into a serious conversation with him after this or he may try to win you back with empty promises.

[Tssiemer1 549]

From what I've seen he seems to have narcissistic personality traits. Be careful now that you've ended it.

[Babbs 14,681]

@@bellabloom

Proud of you! Be strong! You deserve better!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@bellabloom ... congrats to you, woman.

And to others who've shared their stories here, thank you. Some amazing stuff was said in this thread.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

And now Miss Bellabloom, you have taken the 1st step towards building a healthy you, and that special someone is going to be noticeing it . Think of someone who just shines from within, happy and healthy, the kind of person who just attract s people without trying. Yes, thats you ! When you get there, the right person will show up ! And you'll be very glad you didnt waste anymore time on someone who wasn't worth it. Congrats !!!!

[bellabloom 2,467]

Yes thank you everyone. Amazing support on here. It really helped me

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I do feel like I am worthy of a better man!!! Of course I do. I think I'm awesome!!

I just don't like being alone and I haven't met anyone else that has sparked my interest. All the other guys I've met were just so lame. But of course so is the one in supposed to be with!!

I'm only now realizing how bad it really is with him.

May I also tactfully suggest you don't sleep with a man until, and unless, he has shown you his true nature and really committed to you. That might mean waiting until remarriage (my preference) or at least waiting until things are much more committed. Why would you give an intimate part of yourself to someone that you didn't want around your children?

I may be old-fashioned now, but looking back to my teen/20's years I was desperate for someone to love me (child of an alcoholic father and distant mom) and gave myself away (body and soul) to several undeserving men (boys!), including my soon-to-be-ex husband.

My 14 yo dd came home from school the other day with a link to a TED talk about relationships they were supposed to watch for health class. I think it's an excellent talk and recommend it for anyone in the dating games

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ

I finally watched this video. What great advise. I wish I could have heard this 30 plus years ago (and payed attention). It could have saved many years of heartache.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I watched that video too. Needless to say it spoke to me. I do think I am getting better about looking for red flags.

It's very true for me that love feels like a drug and once I'm in that zone it becomes a lot harder to step out of. It's like I chase the high of the beginning even when things have gone sour. Thinking I can bring it back. But you can't! Because it really wasn't there at all. Beating a dead horse.

What I worry about is getting too antsy- letting the littlest thing chase me away. Not being able to give people a chance. This is why I think it's important to keep sex out of it for a least five or so dates. Maybe longer. Give it a chance but keep it light until you are relatively sure no major red flags exist and there is real potential. I have trouble separating once I go there with a person.

The guy I just broke up with, I rushed into things. I was caught up in the thrill and not making sound decisions. It was kind of a rebound thing for me.

Anyway. Good lesson to learn.

[Tryingtogetmylifeback 5]

You sound like you get your worth in life by helping others. You are probably the go to girl for everybody. Its good in life to enjoy being needed and lending a helping hand, but once you have children that addiction of being there for people has to go. If it wrre me I would start breaking up with him slowly. Weining myself away little by little. Start to consider other options and dont feel obligated to stay because of his professions of love for you. Sometimes people who have battled with weight tend to have the do unto others attitude about everything because we have been treated so badly in life. That does not apply in all situations. GOD gave you a heart and a Brain. Drug/Alcohol use is dangerous around kids because it impairs the ability of the user to make rational decisions and after only 5 months you dont know him well enough to know what he would do if he looses it one day.

[Tryingtogetmylifeback 5]

Oops just read your ladt post. Glad you broke up with him. GOD will send you something better for sure.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

@@bellabloom I feel like you learned alot from this experience. Kudos to you. I suggest you consider some counseling..you have identified issues and a trusted advisor can help you find a new path. I am not old fashioned by any stretch but jumping in to a physical thing after even 5 dates is pretty fast. We each make a choice about what we want and I am not judging that desire...my point is if you know you have trouble by getting in too deep before knowing a person well maybe respecting that self knowledge and slowing down is something to think about. It is none of OUR business but discussing with a trusted counselor might help you avoid repeating the pattern.

I know others will disagree, but I see nothing wrong with a"Mr Right Now" relationship for a person to enjoy even if he is not your future husband. I do think a person needs to be very clear in their minds about what they want and what a potential boyfriend offers. Then you have to decide if your emotional state matches all that and nobody gets hurt. Even that type of boyfriend should treat you awesome and you should be safe.

Don't take this wrong and maybe I misread your intentions but you sound desperate for love and affection. That energy draws "takers" , users and manipulators and repels mentally healthy people. A counselor can really help you self reflect.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I learned the hard way that a "Mr. Right Now" can be very, very dangerous. I learned this at a very young age, and unfortunately, it took years to extricate myself from that relationship.

I remember vividly making the conscious decision to sleep with a jerk because I knew I would never fall for him. Boy was I wrong. I knew he was a jerk going in, yet I allowed myself to go there. He remained a jerk yet I fell for him, hard.

Because of him I have become very, very careful, and very, very conservative about intimacy.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

No reason to get involved with a jerk or addict for any reason at all. Not all of us want to marry again, not all of us want to permanently give up physical intimacy. I think it is good input, and i hear what you are saying but my real point is that being very clear on our own needs/wants/desires and proceeding with caution however and whatever you decide. Life is full of risks, and relationships are risky business no doubt. Even so, no reason to knowingly invite bad juju into our lives.

[BairwithMe 144]

Aweee sweetie..please take care of you. hugssss.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I'm really not sure what I want right now.

I want to focus on my life, job and kids. I want my free time full of fun and adventure, attention from men and people who make my life more interesting in a good way.

I don't know that I want mr forever right now. I want to be free for awhile