My new journey in life

[Learningtolive 109]

To me life is a bunch of journeys intermixed, least that's how my life has always been. Things have been great in one arena, horrid in another, and for as long as I can remember it's always been that way.

SO I am starting a new journey in life when I decided that I'm going to get RNY. I've always hated my body and thought it was fat, since I could remember to be honest. I go through phases where I don't care what others think/I love myself, etc, to a phase of self-loathing and then punishment by eating. I've tried to lose weight through diet and exercise, definitely didn't work. And my back would hurt so bad from the extra weight I had put on. One day it hit me, bariatric surgery! I googled about programs where I work (I work outpatient with a big hospital in Chicago), and it suddenly made sense. So I looked up surgeons who accepted my insurance, did surgery at the hospital (With the insurance through the hospital everything such as visits, surgery, hospitalization are pretty much covered). Chose the surgeon and had my first visit 2 weeks ago.

He was a great surgeon, friendly, actually seemed to care about me. I was like "Great, I'll go with this guy." He was understanding and didn't judge that I am now my heaviest, 277lb. He gave me hope.

Then last weekend took my 4 year old daughter to a theme park and I couldn't fit in some of the rides (Never had this problem before). Tried to go on one of my fave rides and nope, seat belt wouldn't buckle, butt not completely in seat. I got up and left and wanted to cry. That solidified this decision. Not only am I huge, but this isn't fair to my daughter to not be able to enjoy stuff because mommy doesn't fit or is too lazy. Unacceptable. I thrive to be a good mom.

This past week has been scheduling appointments that my doctor has set out on his 3 month plan. With my insurance it's 3 months of multidisciplinary management. So not only working with a huge health system, it was difficult to make appointments sooner than later due to being so huge and having so many patients. I literally stalked schedules of various departments through the computer system and then would call and moved so many things around when I saw openings. I keep my schedule in contact with my surgeon so he is aware where I am in the process and now he wants a mid to late January surgery. I'm open to this for sure! Sooner than later is good for me. Plus then I qualify for FMLA as well.

But I'm nervous. My life is so hiccup ridden it's not even funny. I have a persistent H. pylori infection (stomach bacteria that affect some but for the most part doesn't bother others). This could delay surgery but I won't know until November when I could follow-up with my GI doctor. I have to pay out of pocket for my initial nutritionist's appt because the soonest I could get was with someone who isn't with any insurance except medicaid and medicare, great. So there goes $200 I don't really have extra at the moment. I couldn't see the psychologist until March so now paying another $200 out of pocket for an evaluation from him. It's adding up and financial matters have always scared me. These bumps in the road make me more anxious about if I'll qualify, will I not have a net gain, etc. I'm always anxious, I also have anxiety and depression to add to all of this. That's just who I am.

Funny part, between my nutritionist appts I am going to Disney World with my family. Just hoping I don't gain anything from there. Last year I actually ate a ton there and lost 10lbs because we walked soooo much there. It'll be my last trip as "normal" me but I'm ready for a new normal as well. I can do this.

And sadly I wish I could say my husband was the most supportive like I've read from others on here. He's really not. His response to anytime I bring this up, "Do whatever you want, it's your stomach." So right now a co-worker is my support (she had this done last year), my mom who lives 3 hours away but sent some money to help with out of pocket pays, and you guys.

So let's begin this journey. And I can't promise I won't stress and be anxious, it's hard to change this, but with your help I don't feel so alone. Thanks.

(I will update as appts, whatever happens)

[dhrguru 1,238]

Hi and welcome!! so many of us can relate to the experience of not fitting in theme park rides. for year my hubby was a bit smaller than me so he was relegated to go on all the coaster etc with the kids.

Good for you for juggling appointments to make it all happen ASAP. I did the same, and got all my appointments done within a months time. Learn as much as you can pre-op, and ask as many questions as you need to feel comfortable.

My sister had + H.pylori before her sleeve. I think she had to take meds for a bit then was ok-- no problems since. My hubby is kind of indifferent like yours...but I have a strong circle in other folks... I really don;t *need* that from him, but it would be nice.

Best of luck as you start this journey!

[Ashlegal 525]

The moment I decided to have WLS (RNY) is still so fresh in my memory even though it happened well over a year ago.

My mom had sent me some copies of some pictures she took at a family get together. And as I flipped through them, I noticed a very large woman, with frumpy clothes, double chins and she just appeared uncomfortable in her own skin. That woman was me and seeing what others saw and not just what I imagined while looking in the mirror, hit me like a ton of bricks.

It took me a month of long hard research, hospital visits, two different surgeon consultations and a diabetes diagnosis to finally commit to the decision.

For over a year and one denial letter, I jumped through hoops, went to what felt like a million doctors appointments, blood draw, pre-screenings, tests, labs and seminars. I felt like I was running up hill with weights tied around my ankles. But all my determination, dedication and patience paid off and I am now a month post-op. I feel better everyday and do not for a second regret anything that has led me to this point.

You have made a very brave, wise and empowering decision. You will ultimately be the best person you have always had in you and your daughter will have a mother she can admire, be inspired by and have in her life for a long, long time.

Just keep that in mind when the journey's road gets a little bumpy or the nerves seem to be winning; keep in mind why you have made this decision and I can guarantee, it is all going to be alright.

[Tssiemer1 549]

I wish I had a pivotal moment where my eyes became crystal clear and I could see the light with my weight problem on my own. But I don't have one.

I was in a severe car accident and have a severe back injury. I've had multiple surgeries and nothing seems to help.

I was pretty maintained in pain level for a good year when in July I woke up one day to severe back pain. I couldn't even put pants on. But I put on a skirt and went to work anyway. I was in so much pain. My supervisor sent me home. On the way home the pain was so intense and blinding I ran my car off the road over a curb and into a field. I had to call 911.

A billion imaging tests later my spine surgeon told me my discs had pretty much completely disintegrated in l4 l5 and l5 s1. My vertebrae were bone on bone. He said it's more painful in younger people for some reason. So I said "ok what do we do next" and he said "nothing".

He told me any surgery done would be rendered useless due to my weight and told me to try medical weight loss. After a consultation type thing we decided weight loss surgery would be best due to my physical disability.

And here we are.

I finish my last requirement the 21st (hopefully sleep study is next week) and I'll be good to go.

Edited October 10, 2015 by Tssiemer1

[Learningtolive 109]

Thanks everyone. I love reading everyone's "aha" moment and their journeys. Inspirations, all of you, regardless of where you are on this journey!

Went to the first nutritionist's appt today. I was worried about being judged, shamed, something negative. Not at all! She gave me tools that I knew about (I'm a nurse, I've taken nutrition classes in college, etc). and then set my goals for next appt which is like 45 days away. I'm nervous because you can't have a net gain, what if I do? I won't allow that to happen but what if it does? There's that anxiety trying to make me doubt me. No!

My goals are: 1500 calories/day, 70-80g protein/day, reduce portions, and bring food to work and snack.< /p>

I don't count calories, I tend to eat a lot, and I always buy food out at work because I just don't bring food to work. And I don't snack.

My weight was 270, 2 weeks ago at surgeon's it was 277, not sure if that's true or what. Either way, CANNOT gain! And hopefully this will be a relatively easy process. I know I can do this. I have the support of all of you!

And tomorrow, the psychologist appt.... I dread this one too.

[Dreamweaver103 22]

My most recent favorite quote is something along the lines of "Being overweight and out of shape is hard. Losing weight and getting fit is hard. Choose your hard." I had bypass surgery in late April this year. I was very scared, but followed through given that I had been living with the fear of having very serious health issues as a result of being overweight. Since I began the journey about a year ago, I have lost 60+ lbs. (50 since the surgery.). It has not been easy. However, I no longer live in fear from uncontrolled diabetes, joint pain, extremely high triglycerides, as well as numerous other health concerns. Conquer your fears and continue taking those steps toward improving your future! The photo is more like beginning and during as I still have a long way to go. It does , however give you an idea of how much better I now feel!attachment=57215:ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1444696373.628665.jpg]

[Tssiemer1 549]

I meet with the nutritionist today too.

[Learningtolive 109]

I keep wondering how everyone on here is doing, it's weird. In moments where I feel weak, I think about you board members.

Had my psychologist's appointment yesterday. I was worried as usual, especially since I take medication for anxiety and depression. The appointment was quicker than he expected because I have no issues. I've read up on the surgery, well versed in every aspect. He just says to be aware that you have to maintain this lifestyle otherwise in 5 years the weight would come back. Not a possibility in my world because I won't allow it. He said psychologically I'm approved. One more hurdle down.

This low calorie diet is hard but I'm managing. I'm finding it most difficult to snack between meals as I've never really done this. So I'm bringing carrot sticks to work, some wheat thins. I drink a Protein shake for my evening snack (I usually eat dinner around 4pm because of my daughter). But I've found I get hot so easily lately. I think it's from the high Protein, low calories. It's causing some stuff inside to burn a little. I think I'm hungry a lot too but I know with time this will diminish as my ever expanding stomach learns to take in less. I can do this. And surprisingly, my husband has been super supportive asking types of meals are good and looking at nutrition labels with me.

I'm hoping this journey continues to go well. I'm tired today and may just get a coffee (no sweetener for this lady but I do like skim in my coffee) otherwise I will not get through the day. I'm sleepy too quite a bit, but this too shall pass.

[RNYDawn 160]

I had to read this a few times to make sure I didn't write it in my sleep and forget! We sound so similar. I have a 4 year old, can't fit in rides and found out I have H.Pylori!

I'm hoping for surgery in February - the bariatric coordinator said it could be Feb or March but I'm really hoping for February

[Learningtolive 109]

Saw the medical doctor in the lifestyle medicine group, which is what the hospital makes you see for the steps up to surgery. The medical doctor basically is there to medically clear you for surgery. My first visit with her and she cleared me. My weight is down almost 9lbs in 2 weeks, that's 2 weeks since I've seen the dietician and started the whole calorie count and Protein supplementing. Amazing! I wanted to cry when I saw that scale. I can't lose too much or I may no longer be a candidate for surgery, but it feels great to lose and see results. I'm happy. Had a blood draw and hoping my labs come out good as well, they were not so good back in March when I saw my PCP with high HgA1c and cholesterols all bad.

And I'm excited cause today the family is going to Disney World! Nervous about the plane because I hate plane rides and I've gained since my last plane ride so hoping I fit in the seat fine. But excited for the trip and a much needed break from my crazy work life. I may cheat a little on the diet since there's a whole lotta walking the parks and everything, but nothing too crazy. Just some sweets here and there which I haven't had for 2 weeks!