They seemed sane...Dating horror stories

[bellabloom 2,467]

Your stats are very interesting. I don't keep track, but I would say that I get nearly 100% response to emails/first contact. When I was on POF, I hid my profile and so I only contacted men I was interested in (I could not handle one more email from someone out of the area, or the under 30 crowd which is why I hid my profile. I don't mean to sound old fashioned, but you need to be significantly older than my children for me to consider dating you!)

Alot of the email exchange dies away... kind of a natural death of boredom. Oddly, I am often the one that suggests meeting or talking on the phone ... I am just not into chatting for weeks on end.

I am glad you published the stats because while you talk about it being a numbers game, I guess I didn't realize the number of numbers it takes.

What I need to learn, the next time I give this a try, is to date several men for a good length of time before zeroing in on one. I am a relationship kind of person, so I let myself get sucked into a single person too quickly and then am disappointed when it doesn't work out. much to be learned.

@ - I just know that I have a tough time communicating with someone who's formal education stopped at high school (and remember I use online dating as a screening tool to find people I might want to spend time getting to know). I'm sure I'm rejected for a number of reasons by women who have their own selection criteria. Here are my current numbers:

I found that I send 15 emails before I get a response

1 of 5 of those who I am in email communication with result in a coffee date

2 of those 5 get a real date

so I've gone out on 20 real dates over the last three months, and finally found two I was very serious about...one I had to say no to, but one I'm now getting VERY serious about.

See what I mean, its a numbers game?

I do exactly the same thing. I've been told it's a good idea to date a few for awhile before getting serious about one

I also get about 100 percent response. In fact I get about ten emails to 20 emails a day from different men. It's overwhelming.

It's hard to focus and know who to go out with. That's why I think it's a good idea to email a couple times on the guys side to let a woman know your really interested

Edited October 12, 2015 by bellabloom

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - How many emails do you ignore before you find one that you want to respond to? That is the number for females to follow? Generally speaking, males pursue, females respond. That is your number. Realize that you have a bunch of crap coffee and first dates before you get to someone worth following up with. It took a while, but I finally found someone worthy of my time to seriously commit to really getting to know. And every time we go out, I find out something new, and it only makes her better and better. I am getting really excited.

Edited October 12, 2015 by OKCPirate

[bellabloom 2,467]

This is kind of funny. So a guy starts texting me online and he's like"- I love how thin you are. Staying fit is very important to me. I'm attracted to thin to average women but NOT overweight women. I am very visual and overweight bothers me. "

So I can't help myself. I respond and let him know I used to be obese.

He's like.... Waaaaaat?? Ummmm ummmm well I still want to go out with you! Because look how you look now!!!

Hahahhaa. Kinda put him in a corner didn't I! Funny.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@bellabloom - I had a simuler thing happen, a woman I met before surgery actually chastised me for being heavy, two years later she tried to chat me up on Match.com. I reminded her of our last meeting. She tried to say she admired the change, but I just remember her being a b*tch.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have done online dating, on and off (more off than on) for awhile. I dont have stats on how many messages I ignore. I am a very polite person so if the contact is in the realm of reason, I used to try to respond in a polite way. However, if I have a public profile, with photos, I am simply overwhelmed with emails and messages. It makes it very difficult to "find" the good ones in the flood of ridiculousness. I seriously get alot of messages from men way way older and way way way younger.... and the ones located a long ways away... the unemployed, disabled, still married, I can go on and on. It does no good to specify anything in my profile, because those types just look at the photos and email away.

While I didnt find the love of my life, the quality of men I met improved drastically (way fewer coffee dates that went no where etc) when I initiated contact while "in hiding". My way of doing that was very lowkey.. like, read my profile, if you are interested message me kind of thing and I got a very high response rate to those little messages i would throw out - like very close to 100% because I picked men that would be a good potential match based on their profile info, location etc and not just the photos.

But this is why when I am ready to dive in again it will be eharmony or maybe just in real life or something different... this "numbers game" doesn't appeal to me too much.

@@CowgirlJane - How many emails do you ignore before you find one that you want to respond to? That is the number for females to follow? Generally speaking, males pursue, females respond. That is your number. Realize that you have a bunch of crap coffee and first dates before you get to someone worth following up with. It took a while, but I finally found someone worthy of my time to seriously commit to really getting to know. And every time we go out, I find out something new, and it only makes her better and better. I am getting really excited.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - "But this is why when I am ready to dive in again it will be eharmony or maybe just in real life or something different... this "numbers game" doesn't appeal to me too much."

Yep, this is not for the faint of heart...well that's not entirely fair, it is work though. I have heard the complaint from women how many stupid emails they get. Don't understand why there are so many idiot males out there. Thankfully most women want to be pursued so they don't bug me much. But interestingly the women I have been most serious about reached out to me first. Hmmm, point to ponder

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

If I were ever in the dating market again (fat chance), I would not do online dating, even though I met my current husband and the love of my life online.

Next time, I'd put the word out to all my happily married friends -- men and women -- that I was interested in being in a relationship. (I can't imagine wanting to be married again -- this one was too lovely to try to follow). And I would let my friends screen their friends and acquaintances for me.

Then I'd do the coffee date thing -- no fancy dinner dates up front.

Actually, God knows what I'd do.

I spent all the 1980s and first half of the 1990s dating my ass off. It was a LOT of hard work.

I think dating will always be hard work.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@bellabloom - "It's hard to focus and know who to go out with. That's why I think it's a good idea to email a couple times on the guys side to let a woman know your really interested"

@Daveo This is interesting. Good tip. HINT HINT SINGLE GUYS!!! You don't get this type of inside info very often.

Edited October 12, 2015 by OKCPirate

[bellabloom 2,467]

Oh I can give some tips!!

Don't just email "hi" or "how are you?" Say something specific about their profile or offer a compliment. Ask a question so it's easy for them to email back an answer.

Have plenty of good photos of you! Not your toys. You in at least 5-6 photos, full body and headshot. Smiling! Not making angry faces. No shirtless selfies please.

Fill out all the info on your profile you can!!! I won't email someone back if they haven't filled it out.

Always answer a question and ask another to keep the conversation going.

First date:

Do not talk about exes, weight, diet, illness, or any baby mama drama.

Pay.

Pick a nice restaurant that a woman would like not a seedy bar or sports club.

Dress up.

Open the door for her and pull out her chair.

Compliment how she looks.

Relax.

Ask questions about her and her family etc.

Try to make her laugh if you can.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@bellabloom - Sounds about right. In short, be a dang gentleman and treat this as an opportunity to meet another human being.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I concur with everything Bellabloom said. May I add...eye contact? Look at her like you want to be with her. There is a fine line between looking at me like a slab of beef that would be tasty (which I don't find too flattering) and looking at me like you are interested in me. Treat her like she matters. It sounds so basic, but you would be astounded how many don't do basic things like that.

Different women are attracted to different things but universally people want to feel like they are of interest to you. They want to feel respected.

I have a small evil streak...I am a project manager which means I am tough and am somewhat adept at interacting. I actually had a date admit to me that his ex broke up with him over several issues. .lousy sex being one of them. Can you imagine someone admitting that? It was about date 3 and honestly I didn't ask..he just told.

my point is simply that when people are checking you out they notice little stuff

Be yourself, be genuine, but remember that most women want very much to be desired but in a gentlemanly way.

Omg...this reminds me of yet ANOTHER first date horror story. It is hard to believe but true. About 5 minutes into our initial meeting this dude pulls out "personality " cards. Like a deck of cards. I work in corporate America so I was very very familiar with this. Of course I lied on his game cuz NO WAY I am doing second date with someone who carries a deck of cards like that!

Ok,

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Ok another tip...this is hard to describe. ..

I am a business woman and it has happened over and over again when a guy realizes I am conversant in ROI, marketing plans, managing teams etc...they get all excited and drive the conversation down the business road. 100% of the time I don't want a second meeting. I think I am compatible with that kind of man...but as the saying goes "I know I am smart, tell me I am beautiful"

I am being silly but the basic point is when I leave a "date" how I FEEL is the key. If i feel like I have been to a business meeting. ..eh...not so much.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I concur with everything Bellabloom said. May I add...eye contact? Look at her like you want to be with her. There is a fine line between looking at me like a slab of beef that would be tasty (which I don't find too flattering) and looking at me like you are interested in me. Treat her like she matters. It sounds so basic, but you would be astounded how many don't do basic things like that.

Different women are attracted to different things but universally people want to feel like they are of interest to you. They want to feel respected.

I have a small evil streak...I am a project manager which means I am tough and am somewhat adept at interacting. I actually had a date admit to me that his ex broke up with him over several issues. .lousy sex being one of them. Can you imagine someone admitting that? It was about date 3 and honestly I didn't ask..he just told. Okay................I'll bite ! What the hell are "personality cards ?" And by the way, after my favorite Monday Night Football, this thread has been the best entertainment I've had all day !!! Thanks !!!

my point is simply that when people are checking you out they notice little stuff

Be yourself, be genuine, but remember that most women want very much to be desired but in a gentlemanly way.

Omg...this reminds me of yet ANOTHER first date horror story. It is hard to believe but true. About 5 minutes into our initial meeting this dude pulls out "personality " cards. Like a deck of cards. I work in corporate America so I was very very familiar with this. Of course I lied on his game cuz NO WAY I am doing second date with someone who carries a deck of cards like that!

Ok,

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Sorry, operator error ! What the hell are "personality cards ?? "And by the way, after watching Monday Night Football, this thread has been the most entertainment I've had all day ! Thanks !!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Here's the secret to true love that lasts:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/