So many crazy men

[bellabloom 2,467]

Men are always talking about how there are so many crazy women out there. I've been single a year and it seems like the world is FULL of crazy men!!! Not women!!

Or is it just people in general? Geeze I thought I had problems.

I go out with a guy twice and he's ready to marry me.

I date an alcoholic and fall in love with him.

I hear endless stories about crazy exes. What are people willing to settle for these days?

Is it my age? (35)

Is it that I'm online dating??

I have guys yelling at because I don't text them fast enough.

I have guys who are completely emotionally stunted.

What the hell????

[ididit34 91]

I'm 41 now, and my sister was saying that today's men are the new overly emotional women of the past. I seem to always find those looking for someone to be financially responsible for their grown selves! Not happening here!

[parisshel 1,892]

I totally remember dating some men (divorced men) whose personalities and habits had me stunned to think that these men had actually had first wives, i.e., someone actually had loved these guys enough to marry them!

This is particularly true with internet dating, which is why, if I found myself single now, I'd NEVER internet date. My experience was that the dating sites were repositories of the worst of the worst.

It makes sense. Any good man, a man well-educated, polite, loving and kind? He would still be married.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

It is either the online dating service that you use, or you live in California (probably the latter ).

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

Glad to hear I am not the only weirdo-magnet out there. I'm a little older than you and I believe in the 50-something age range, its even worse. The "I love you" on the second date guys...the alcoholics... etc. I also believe if a guy has never been married by this time, there is a reason.

[maggie409 765]

I totally remember dating some men (divorced men) whose personalities and habits had me stunned to think that these men had actually had first wives, i.e., someone actually had loved these guys enough to marry them!

This is particularly true with internet dating, which is why, if I found myself single now, I'd NEVER internet date. My experience was that the dating sites were repositories of the worst of the worst.

It makes sense. Any good man, a man well-educated, polite, loving and kind? He would still be married.

I disagree with your take on Internet dating. Whether it is on the Internet or not, there are some odd people out there. Either way you have to weed through them. I am currently married but when I was single I dated quite a few really good men from online dating. And keep in mind that some men are not still married because they were married to crazy insane ladies.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I have attracted my share of the emotionally stunted. It is a strange world. I am early 50s and my age range is filled with people who must be going through the midlife thing...otherwise I cant explain it. I am taking some time off from the whole topic and then when I dive back in I am shifting strategies because this isn't really working....

[parisshel 1,892]

@RILEYSMOM22: Precisely! I had strict criteria when I was online dating (back in 2007), when I was in my late forties:

--Had to have been married or in a significantly longterm, live-in relationship. Anything else I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. History is predictive, and any man my age who hadn't committed to a woman was not someone I would have been compatible with. These men are better off seeking women who have a similar non-nesting instinct.

--Had to have a job equal to or more-income producing than my own. This is NOT because I'm a gold-digger (Oh, how I wish!) but because revenue stream is also predictive of compatibility. I could never ever be in a relationship with someone not working (unless it is a trust-funder, and even then he would have to be an active philanthropist) as being a slacker would not be compatible with how I live my life.

--Similar educational background

--No addictions. I was clear about this in my profile. No smokers, no drinkers, no stoners, no gamblers, no philanderers. I did date a smoker, but his subsequent heart attack took care of that addiction nicely.

In sum, I would not date anyone who had more problems than I did. That's my rule of thumb in the dating world.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

I met the two worst messes of my life the face-to-face way. My first hubby got his mid-life crisis and cheated on me prolifically. My second husband had mental health issues (including being institutionalized) that he and his family withheld from me. He cracked, and I literally had to flee for my life in the middle of the night and move far far away.

I took a break from relationships for a couple of years to find out who I was and what I liked when I was true to myself. I finally met the love of my life online at the age of 54. We have been together nine years and he treats me like I am the Queen of his Universe.

Love is such a crap shoot. We just can't be so desperate that we ignore the red flags. I quit trying to please the men in my life and began searching for someone who was compatible with the real unvarnished me. We can be totally uninhibited around each other.

We had both been thrown away twice and feel blessed to be together.

[treblecutie23 318]

Oh I feel your pain!!!!! I'm in the midst of a long distance relationship. Incredible. Love of my life. He's my support through the surgery when j have it next month and coming to take care of me. Out of nowhere Friday I get "sorry but this will never work lets be realistic". When Thursday was love and roses and wedding talk and kids! Saturday was more "I love you so much" and how he can't live without me. Then yesterday and today....he wants me to Give him some space!

Sighs.

The stress of the weekend resulted in 4 lbs of weight loss. ((If we're going to be positive))

As of now. He's getting space. Still coming next month to care from me stating we will talk and see when he gets here.

Totally agree. Men can be just as crazy as most perceive women to be!

Message me if you need a venting buddy! We seem to have tons in common. lol. And I could use the support more so texting than on a forums.

I want to shake him. I'm supposed to be the emotional wreck right now. He's supposed to be strong and supportive! I'm being his and my own support. It's overwhelming sometimes.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@maggie409 - "And keep in mind that some men are not still married because they were married to crazy insane ladies."

Damn straight, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. While everyone can claim their ex was nuts, I have the paperwork to prove it. But 21 years of marriage (15 of which were very happy) taught me that the only constant in my relationships was me, so best to work on yourself. You will spot crazy faster.

But I agree dating (online, offline) is hard. We all put up false fronts to cover our blemishes. It takes time to figure out another person. I like @@parisshel's rule. There are no perfect people, but what I'm going to settle for is negotiable with myself.

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

@RILEYSMOM22: Precisely! I had strict criteria when I was online dating (back in 2007), when I was in my late forties:

--Had to have been married or in a significantly longterm, live-in relationship. Anything else I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. History is predictive, and any man my age who hadn't committed to a woman was not someone I would have been compatible with. These men are better off seeking women who have a similar non-nesting instinct.

--Had to have a job equal to or more-income producing than my own. This is NOT because I'm a gold-digger (Oh, how I wish!) but because revenue stream is also predictive of compatibility. I could never ever be in a relationship with someone not working (unless it is a trust-funder, and even then he would have to be an active philanthropist) as being a slacker would not be compatible with how I live my life.

--Similar educational background

--No addictions. I was clear about this in my profile. No smokers, no drinkers, no stoners, no gamblers, no philanderers. I did date a smoker, but his subsequent heart attack took care of that addiction nicely.

In sum, I would not date anyone who had more problems than I did. That's my rule of thumb in the dating world.

At one point, I added "If you can't write a complete sentence, don't message me." to my dating site profiles.

[Mom26 313]

After my separation (back in 2003) and eventual divorce, I dated a few guys. One was an old friend - but very young. Learned that lesson fast. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of a relationship - but knew damn well what I DIDN'T want in a partner/relationship. I tried Match.com - some strange meet-ups from that. At that point, I decided to try eharmony.com and it changed my life. I'm now married to the only person on eharmony that I went out with. We took it slow (he has 4 kids, I have 2) - and neither of us was in a rush. We emailed back & forth for weeks. Then chatted on the phone for a good 2 months. I used to wonder if he ran my info through the system (he's a police sgt). After a few months, he came to take me to lunch. Honestly, we had been talking so often and for so long that I felt like I knew him for years. After that lunch date, we've been inseparable. Together for 10 years - and married for 7. He is the most amazing man I've ever met. He's my biggest supporter in all that I do.

Have you tried eHarmony? Their extensive questionnaire has a science behind it. We're so incredibly compatible - and would never have met on our own.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

From "The Big Chill" (1983 -- that's 32 years ago!) ...

Meg: They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, and you don't want to get near them.

Sarah: "It can't be that bad."

Meg: I don't know. I'm goin' easy. I've been out there dating for twenty years. I've gotten where I can tell in the first fifteen seconds if there's a chance in the world.

Sarah: "Well, at least you're giving them a fair shot."

[gowalking 10,790]

I think you have to be very specific in what you are and are not looking for. I wanted a man who was intelligent, well rounded, and with a good sense of humor. Those are not easy attributes. I'd find someone with one or even two but all three...nope.

Then I found him and nearly tossed him away because I didn't have 'the hots' for him. Over time, I found him more and more what I was looking for and the attraction came about. No...he doesn't knock my socks off, but I had that and it doesn't last and isn't very healthy either. We enjoy intimacy and that's all that matters. As far as the other stuff...what can I say about a man who keeps me engaged and is good with seeing a play, or an opera, or Billy Joel? He likes museums and horseback riding. I have lots of interests and so does he. Later this month we go away together for the first time. I do hope that works as well. How wonderful it would be to have a travel partner.

But like I said...I wasn't about to settle. If you can hold to your requirements, you may not get a lot of dates, but you stand a pretty good chance of finding one who can be a real companion rather than an albatross around your neck.