When the Honeymoon is Over

[Amanda Dutton LPC 217]

The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein Shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?

But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.

The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?

But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.

Did you expect to have depression creep in? Or maybe creep back in? Most of us thought this surgery would correct our mood issues, thinking that losing the weight would help get rid of that which was bothering us. So what happened? Why are we sad, frustrated, mad? Why aren't we...well...happy?

A lot of this can be attributed to losing our primary coping tool to deal with depression and stress: mindless consumption of food. We may not have realized it at the time, but food was our comfort, our companion, sometimes the only thing that was there for us when nothing/nobody else was. Now, that support is no longer something we can reach for in hard times to get us through. We are physically and emotionally missing/grieving our former “companion.”

Our coping tool.

Sometimes, our best friend.

So what do we do?

First, we have to look at the physical way food was affecting us. Not just related to weight, but in our brain. Food was giving us satisfaction in a way that was “rewarding” receptors in our brain that control the chemical dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that makes us feel good. This is the same chemical that is triggered when someone uses drugs or alcohol. Yep, scary thought, huh?

That's why we often hear about “food addiction.” We are literally “feeding” that addiction when we overeat. That's hard to accept, I know.

Second, we have to look at WHY we may be overeating. What thoughts do we have that lead us to seek food as comfort? Are they thoughts about ourselves? Are we thinking that “I'm so fat” or “I shouldn't even try” or maybe even “Why do I even bother?” Sometimes the addiction is so deep, it's hard to identify the thoughts that made the behavior start.

Then it may be more helpful to think about the feelings. What feelings direct us to start overeating? Is it anger? Boredom? Defeat? Do the words or actions of another make us feel “less than” and lead to lowered self worth, thus leading to the desire to overeat?

The concept of looking at Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors is at the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a standard therapeutic method of behavioral therapists. Finding a therapist that can help us figure out the source of how these 3 things work together to lead us on the path to overeating can go a long way toward correcting the behavior. The key to CBT is retraining those thoughts to become more positive, leading to more positive feelings and behaviors.

Often, we get stuck with “ants” - Automatic Negative Thoughts – and they are hard to undo. With the assistance of a therapist that is trained in CBT, particularly one that is familiar with bariatric surgery, we can retrain our brains to think more positively about ourselves, thus leading to be less dependent on food to nurture feelings of happiness.

What kind of “ANTs” do you want to get rid of? Can you think of a chain of Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors that you would like to change? What would you rather that chain look like instead?

[AnA92212 577]

My honeymoon period was extremely short. Yep, I gained 5 pounds the first week after surgery. For the first 3 weeks the weight came off relatively easily and with no effort...of course, I was on a liquid diet...lol! Then, I started working out 6 days a week and I hit a 3 week stall. I saw my nutritionist because I was starting to become depressed. She assured me I was doing everything right. Sure enough the next week I lost 9 pounds. Since 2 weeks after surgery I have worked out at least 5 days a week, taken my supplements, and even made sure I was eating right. It's been a struggle. People will comment that my weight is melting off. I tell them that's because I am in the gym 5 to 6 days a week! I will lose a couple pounds then stall for 3 weeks. During that 3 weeks I typically lose 3 to 5 inches though. I am on the last month of my "honeymoon" phase and since this has been my reality from the beginning I am in a good place. I don't expect too much.

[James Marusek 5,244]

There are 2 different phases to weight loss surgery. These are "Weight Loss" phase and the "Maintenance" phase. The approach on these 2 phases are different. I had RNY surgery 29 months ago. This short article describes the strategy that I used for each phase. http://www.breadandbutterscience.com/Surgery2.pdf

[Amanda Dutton LPC 217]

My honeymoon period was extremely short. Yep, I gained 5 pounds the first week after surgery. For the first 3 weeks the weight came off relatively easily and with no effort...of course, I was on a liquid diet...lol! Then, I started working out 6 days a week and I hit a 3 week stall. I saw my nutritionist because I was starting to become depressed. She assured me I was doing everything right. Sure enough the next week I lost 9 pounds. Since 2 weeks after surgery I have worked out at least 5 days a week, taken my supplements, and even made sure I was eating right. It's been a struggle. People will comment that my weight is melting off. I tell them that's because I am in the gym 5 to 6 days a week! I will lose a couple pounds then stall for 3 weeks. During that 3 weeks I typically lose 3 to 5 inches though. I am on the last month of my "honeymoon" phase and since this has been my reality from the beginning I am in a good place. I don't expect too much.

Ana92212, thank you for your reply! You said something really awesome that I hope others note - you went to your nutritionist for help. You sought support! I love it! I also love that you are "in a good place." That mental attitude will help keep you well. Keep up the good work!

[Amanda Dutton LPC 217]

There are 2 different phases to weight loss surgery. These are "Weight Loss" phase and the "Maintenance" phase. The approach on these 2 phases are different. I had RNY surgery 29 months ago. This short article describes the strategy that I used for each phase. http://www.breadandb...om/Surgery2.pdf

James, thank you for taking the time to comment! I am so grateful! Your story is awesome! I love that you have a plan for being at home or traveling so that you can stay on track. I also love that you bring up that it is okay to have complex carbs in moderation during maintenance. Those complex carbs actually help our bodies produce enough insulin to cause the chain of events that lead to serrotonin production (our mood regulating chemical). Without serrotonin staying in balance we are also prone to depression, so it sounds like you have found your "balance." Congratulations!

[Leepers 1,195]

When I reached maintenance, my honeymoon was definitely over. For me, losing weight was easy. I had a plan, and I stuck to it. As I started to allow foods and portions back in, I realized that I would never be able to eat mindlessly for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, I will have to think about everything I put in my mouth. I exercise a lot. I'm running half marathons and doing mini triathlons. But you can't out exercise a bad diet.

I am still trying to find balance. It is difficult. But every time I get dressed and look in the mirror, I realize that it's worth it. I never want to go back. Every time I reach a new exercise goal, that is my reward. I try to accept that to live the life I want to live, I will have to evaluate my relationship with food on a daily basis.

[moveandgroove 67]

Good article Amanda,

I had my surgery July 2013. My honeymoon period was about a year. As soon as I hit a year - I had my gallbladder removed after months of pain and feeling nausea. I was anxious to get the weight coming off again. My weight hasn't moved for almost a year. I was running 3 x week but not even inches were coming off. This spring I had an emergency surgery for brain aneurysm and just recently started back to work. I haven't started running again and have gained 5 pounds. I am trying desperately to get back on track - I just have to keep remembering why I had the surgery in the first place. I am terrified that if I don't get back up and running real soon and if I gain anymore weight I will not stop gaining. I want to get to my goal weight - I still have about 40 pounds to go. I still have pretty good restriction and I am grateful that I had the surgery - I just don't want to waste the surgery to not get to goal.

[Amanda Dutton LPC 217]

But you can't out exercise a bad diet....

But every time I get dressed and look in the mirror, I realize that it's worth it....

I will have to evaluate my relationship with food on a daily basis....

Leepers,

These are my 3 favorite things you said in your response. Especially because you said them ALL. You pointed out key things that we all need to remember. 1) we have to stay honest with ourselves - to stay on track with the plan means we have to watch what goes in our body and the energy that comes out. Both of those matter; 2) we have to be honest about the fact that it DOES feel good to look in the mirror and see our progress. Yes, we are doing this journey for more than just our appearance, but darn it! It is a great side effect! and 3) we have to be honest about our relationship with food. We didn't become the way we were by accident. I love that you have that self-awareness. I applaude you for that.

Amanda

[Amanda Dutton LPC 217]

Good article Amanda,

I had my surgery July 2013. My honeymoon period was about a year. As soon as I hit a year - I had my gallbladder removed after months of pain and feeling nausea. I was anxious to get the weight coming off again. My weight hasn't moved for almost a year. I was running 3 x week but not even inches were coming off. This spring I had an emergency surgery for brain aneurysm and just recently started back to work. I haven't started running again and have gained 5 pounds. I am trying desperately to get back on track - I just have to keep remembering why I had the surgery in the first place. I am terrified that if I don't get back up and running real soon and if I gain anymore weight I will not stop gaining. I want to get to my goal weight - I still have about 40 pounds to go. I still have pretty good restriction and I am grateful that I had the surgery - I just don't want to waste the surgery to not get to goal.

Moveandgroove,

You have had quite the journey! If my math is right, that means 3 surgeries in 2 years (wls, gallbladder, aneurysm)? Your body has gone through some pretty traumatic experiences in a relatively short amount of time! That is something that you should be proud of working through!

So, let's take a step back and look at what may be going on here. You went from running to recovering from a significant surgery. You had a period where not only could you not exercise, you also could not work. What I get from that is hearing someone that had to go from being active to sedentary very quickly - which may have triggered some of the feelings of "old habits" possibly coming back ("I am terrified...I won't stop gaining...I don't want to waste the surgery...").

What's fueling your doubt? This setback? Does it feel familiar, like a setback in a diet? If it does, step back and look at it again - this is not the same. You have a beautiful tool in your arsenal that you didn't have before. Use it. Go back to basics and pretend it is day one. I remember a very similar time in my own life, about 3 years when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and though I was going to be put on long term steroids. I thought I was done with my weight loss forever.

Take one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. The fact that you are still reading, still posting, still asking....that says that you still want this.

You can do this. You will do this. Get back out there and walk a little. Don't focus on running, just walk. Remember, even baby steps get you closer to your goal.

Take care!

Amanda

[moveandgroove 67]

Thanks so much for your encouraging words Amanda. Those are all questions that are good ones and that I will try to answer for myself. I appreciate your feedback.

Moveandgroove,

Good article Amanda,

I had my surgery July 2013. My honeymoon period was about a year. As soon as I hit a year - I had my gallbladder removed after months of pain and feeling nausea. I was anxious to get the weight coming off again. My weight hasn't moved for almost a year. I was running 3 x week but not even inches were coming off. This spring I had an emergency surgery for brain aneurysm and just recently started back to work. I haven't started running again and have gained 5 pounds. I am trying desperately to get back on track - I just have to keep remembering why I had the surgery in the first place. I am terrified that if I don't get back up and running real soon and if I gain anymore weight I will not stop gaining. I want to get to my goal weight - I still have about 40 pounds to go. I still have pretty good restriction and I am grateful that I had the surgery - I just don't want to waste the surgery to not get to goal.

You have had quite the journey! If my math is right, that means 3 surgeries in 2 years (wls, gallbladder, aneurysm)? Your body has gone through some pretty traumatic experiences in a relatively short amount of time! That is something that you should be proud of working through!

So, let's take a step back and look at what may be going on here. You went from running to recovering from a significant surgery. You had a period where not only could you not exercise, you also could not work. What I get from that is hearing someone that had to go from being active to sedentary very quickly - which may have triggered some of the feelings of "old habits" possibly coming back ("I am terrified...I won't stop gaining...I don't want to waste the surgery...").

What's fueling your doubt? This setback? Does it feel familiar, like a setback in a diet? If it does, step back and look at it again - this is not the same. You have a beautiful tool in your arsenal that you didn't have before. Use it. Go back to basics and pretend it is day one. I remember a very similar time in my own life, about 3 years when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and though I was going to be put on long term steroids. I thought I was done with my weight loss forever.

Take one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. The fact that you are still reading, still posting, still asking....that says that you still want this.

You can do this. You will do this. Get back out there and walk a little. Don't focus on running, just walk. Remember, even baby steps get you closer to your goal.

Take care!

Amanda