The "In case I get fat again" part of my closet...

[AvaFern 3,516]

Recently I have turned a small extra bedroom into a closet (because I am a clothes glutton like that) and the renovation process is almost done so I can finally begin to hang up and organize my clothes. For the most part I have boxed up everything that doesn't fit me and put it into storage, instead of just giving it away like I should have, however recently I ordered a few dresses online in a size small and when they came they were too big, so I just ordered the extra small instead with the intent to bring the bigger size bag to the store for a refund. I cannot quite bring myself to do this.

I recognize for many it is stupid to be concerned that one day I won't fit into my extra small dresses and god forbid I will have to wear small, but for me it is this little bit of panic as part of my everyday life. I weigh myself on three scales every morning, not because I am entirely a freak but because one scale is wifi, one scale was the one I have had for probably almost a decade and it does cool measurements (Ironman scale) and one scale that has big bright blue numbers that I have taken a picture of every single morning since surgery. I have found that my sanity is slightly better when I can see that if I gained a pound on one scale, but not on the others, I really do not send myself spiraling into a day of starvation and Protein Shakes because I can see how a fluctuation on one scale is not represented on the others, so there is no need to freak out. Now..on days where all three scales show an increase, well those are bad days. Fortunately, I gain 2-3 pounds and then I lose it and all seems to be ok.

But...back to my closet problem, which is not a bad problem to have, I'm not complaining. Now that I fit in sizes that I am proud of, I have this fabulous collection of clothing and everytime I walk into my closet I have this moment of panic about how almost everything in the closet is new (ish) and if I do not spend every single day of the rest of my life being extremely careful with what I eat I will go right back to my old closet where everything was big and dark colored and there were no silk fabrics, or pretty flowers, or bold chevrons...where I never wore heels because outside of the fact that they hurt my feet I saw no reason to put the proverbial lipstick on a pig.

As I swap around my old closet, which has primarily stuff I wore before and my new closet, which is mostly new stuff, I have a very hard time getting rid of the fat clothes. What if I end up fat and poor and I have no money to buy new clothing? My new closet design was supposed to be this really awesome thing, and I am finding that it is a glaring reminder of how easy it is to fall right back into my old life, of browns, blacks, flats, and sadness.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

I understand how it can be tough to hold onto those psychologically, but I also feel that it would be a huge jinx to get rid of them completely. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping them away in storage, out of sight, out of mind. There's also nothing wrong with keeping them far, far, away, as long as you still own them and can access them, so that you know the easy option will be to just keep fitting into the smaller clothes.

Unfortunately, I have had to retrieve bagged up "never-again" clothes from the attic, but I also didn't lose huge amounts of weight or ever get that far from their size. But that was also way before I ever considered surgery. Luckily, I never got rid of any of my "skinny" clothes from late teen years, and they are all ready to go...I can already wear the old XL's and am looking forward to the L's (no, I have never been what anybody would actually call skinny, but I have been average).

[James Marusek 5,244]

The closet of old clothes was just dragging me down. Got rid of them all. Good riddance! I have been in maintenance mode for around 2 years now and if anything I am still losing a little rather than gaining a little.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Please don't take this wrong, but your weighing ritual kinda strikes me as a bit unhealthy. I totally agree with dilgence, but it has to be balanced against living a happy, anxiety free life. I am way older than you and had a lifetime of bad habits to overcome. One of my bad habits was keeping fat clothes "just in case". When I lost my excess weight I got rid of/gave away/threw away all of my very big clothes. I did also get under goal, and am now back around goal. I do have pants in a couple of different sizes because I love "perfectly fitting" pants and this is comfortable for me. Also, as a trimmer person, small changes in weight do make a differnece of how fitted no stretch pants fit. However, just like having plastics to get rid of excess skin, I just didn't need those 3X pair of pants anymore and never will again! I think it is reasonable to keep clothes in your size range (maybe that is your smalls and extra smalls?) but keeping your old clothes that no longer fit your life seems to me like exccess baggage - I say donate em and be free of that stuff!

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

OMG, I just packed up my fat clothes and put them in storage. I was going to donate them to Goodwill but thought "just in case" and put them in storage. I'm going to take them out and donate them this weekend!

[katesuccess 990]

Hi there AvaFern! I have to say I agree – donate anything bigger than a small--I think that may be a better guide than the scale, since our clothes come with built in incentives!

I had to say, I agree with cowgirl Jane – this sounds a little unhealthy, and I encourage you to consider scheduling a couple sessions to check in with a good therapist. It's natural to be highly aware of anything that my company returning to old habits and the old weight, but I'll bet putting a couple of those beautiful pictures you posted from months ago up inside your closet would be far better incentive than the larger clothes!

Just think how excited somebody would be to get those clothes from Goodwill, especially if they couldn't afford them to buy them new. It could be a joy to them, instead of a drag for you.

Good luck with this, and thanks for all the times your posts have been an inspiration for me!

[Djmohr 6,965]

Hi there!

I am just going to say ditto with @@CowgirlJane!

Then again, I have the mentality that I am never ever going back there again. It is up to me and I can control what I put in my mouth and how often I put it in there, while my new pouch controls how much.

Never, ever, ever!

I will say that I kept 2 pairs of my largest pants and tops so that I can do the look where I was fashion show. For me, that is so very motivating!

I have 24lbs to go and so far this has been the hardest 24! I lose a pound or two and get stuck for a month. Then lose another pound or two and then I get stuck again. The good news is, in the 4 months this has been going on, I have never gained, only lost.

[Babbs 14,681]

Ditto on the weighing ritual. Sounds a little overboard.

I'm getting rid of everything but one size up. The average gain statistically a couple years out is the equivalent of that, and I can live with that. Anything more than just 1 size? GONE.

[Elode 8,093]

@@AvaFern Girl, I jus got rid of a TON of scrubs. I gave away around 30 pieces. I did that so it would deter me from gaining weight. Scrubs aren't cheap and going to work naked is frowned upon so......no excuses!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

My closet seems to be dwindling in size, so SOMETHING must go. Shoes? No. Dave's clothes? No. Clothes that fit NOW? No. The 3/4-taking-up-space-fat-clothes? Absolutely! I am paying attention (but not obsessively, anymore) to what I am doing, so I should NOT return to that size range. I agree with the above-mentioned: stick within the size or so above/below what you are, and ditch the rest (unless there are fond memories attached). All they can do is bring you down, and you don't need that. And someone could certainly use them.

Oh. And if you have EXTRA room after that, either let me know so I can use your space, or GO SHOPPING!!!!!!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Ditto on the weighing ritual. Sounds a little overboard.

I'm getting rid of everything but one size up. The average gain statistically a couple years out is the equivalent of that, and I can live with that. Anything more than just 1 size? GONE.

This is what I'm doing. I now wear mostly size 8s (and a few 6s). I'm keeping the few 10s I still have for now. But everything before that -- sizes 12 and on up -- I let those go long ago.

I'm not going back.

[AvaFern 3,516]

Haha, I don't disagree that my weighing ritual is weird, but it works for me. When I use one scale I really notice the ups and downs a lot more than when I use all three. I am now at a completely healthy weight and as long as 2 of my 3 scales are within my range and don't show a major difference from day to day, I am far less upset about my size than I would be if I saw one scale go up and down as much as it seems like they tend to do.

I am so afraid of getting fat again that if weighing myself on three separate scales in the morning is what it takes to keep me at goal, I'll take it. I think there are worse ways to maintain, lol.

[Babbs 14,681]

Haha, I don't disagree that my weighing ritual is weird, but it works for me. When I use one scale I really notice the ups and downs a lot more than when I use all three. I am now at a completely healthy weight and as long as 2 of my 3 scales are within my range and don't show a major difference from day to day, I am far less upset about my size than I would be if I saw one scale go up and down as much as it seems like they tend to do.

I am so afraid of getting fat again that if weighing myself on three separate scales in the morning is what it takes to keep me at goal, I'll take it. I think there are worse ways to maintain, lol.

Hey, I hear ya!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Get rid of the clothes. I was going through some of my old journals and notebooks and I had all this stuff written in them about heart ache and old boyfriends. I had been moving all that negative energy around with me, every move. I tore them all up and set them on fire and it was therapeutic.

Those old clothes are just there to remind you of failure. Chuck them. Even if you do regain the weight 10 years for now or something, there will be different clothes and different fabrics and styles, they might have clothes that make you look thinner. Drop them all off and drop all that old baggage.

Before I started down the path of weight loss surgery I thinned out my closet. I used to use about 4-5 closets and wardrobes and tubs. I had enough clothes I could change clothes 2x a day and never wear the same thing twice for over a year. Except I wasn't really wearing those clothes and all the extra clothes that I didn't wear were blocking my view to the things I did like. It was to the point I couldn't even find some of my favorites, and I had so many new clothes with the tag still on that just got lost. So I cleaned house. Now the only clothes I have are things I have worn within the last 18 months (with a few evening items that aren't worn often). I put on fall clothes from last year that were tight tight and they are too big now. When I lose another 25lbs I am chucking all that stuff. I don't need it holding me back or holding me down.

This book might help you think about it from a different perspective than weight loss. We hold on to too many things we don't need. If you want to keep one reminder of what not to let happen again, keep one shirt or one pair of pants, dump the rest, and put that one item away in a box someone so it is staring at you sabotaging you daily.

http://www.amazon.com/Joy-Less-Minimalist-Living-Guide-ebook/dp/B003UNJX4S

Edited October 3, 2015 by OutsideMatchInside

[rnsamantha 352]

I saved a couple pairs of pants so I can see how far I've come!