To Tell or Not to Tell?

[LoseItKacy 347]

When I was in school I was teased so much for my weight even when I wasn't obese. A group of boys use to try to take my food tray away from me and say "they were doing me a favor". It got so bad that when I moved schools I never wanted to try to make friends. I sat in my house and literally ate myself to death. I gained almost 100 pounds in one year.

After graduation I still didn't want to meet people. I didn't go out. I didn't do anything. And i honestly didn't care what happened to me because I was content with dying fat.

I went to therapy for a few years. And finally found some sense of self worth but I still didn't go out. I started trying to lose weight and couldn't. I worked out for at least 2 hours a day every other day. And lost nothing. I tried a ton more diets and gave up honestly.

One day I was on FB and my friend posted a video of someone who went through this and I ended up spending HOURS watching all of her videos.

My mom didn't recommend this surgery to me. My doctor didn't give me the idea. And honestly I didn't even think it was an option. I thought it was for people who were trapped in their beds and weighed 800 pounds.

But because ONE person put their story out there, it saved my life. She didn't care about bad uneducated comments or it being personal, and it changed my life.

Now, I refuse to keep it secret because if I could pay it forward to one person like this girl did for me I can sleep better tonight. There's a lot of people out there that don't know this is even an option for them and it just takes one voice to make a difference.

It is a personal journey. And if you feel the need to keep it a secret it's completely understandable. But for me I feel the need to give a voice to wls.

[Madtownsunshine17 42]

This is a thought that comes to mind daily. I didn't tell many people outside my health care team - only 1 person (a friend, but not super close). He gave me a ride home. My doctor was really nice and since I didn't have anyone in the waiting room, I asked him to call my cell and leave me a message about how things went. That was helpful because I don't remember seeing him in the recovery room.

I'm 10 weeks out today, and I'm trying to figure out if I should share my surgery with my immediate family. Life revolves around food. My Mom invited me over tonight for homemade hamburgers. I went because I haven't gone in a long time. I ate 1/3 of the burger (no bun) and ended up frothing and then decided to vomit it up. Instead of eating a safe meal I tried to look normal and eat something that I wasn't ready for. My family is getting together this weekend, so it's possible I might tell them. Feeling sick tonight really made me wonder about my choice.

[itstimealready 180]

Yes, I was wondering how easy (or not!) it is to fake it. I'll want to start dating again soon and not sure how to handle the dinner date segment.

How funny, I've always been proud to be the kind of girl who eats a steak and not picks at two leaves of a salad ha ha. guess I am that girl now.

[Dub 9,922]

I plan on losing 1/2 my bodyweight.

Yes, I told.

Any other cover story would have come across as ridiculous.

The folks that matter will see how hard I work in the gym and know that I'm adhering to the diet plan strictly.

I didn't do this to deceive anyone, impress anyone or for any other reason that to improve my health. If they want to make fun or think poorly of me for having wls then it's just Water off a duck's back. I will be the one benefiting from my health.

I already know that I have the full support of my family and close friends.

[newmebithebypass 713]

I've told the people closest to me

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I haven't told anyone but my husband my mother in law and my kids. My sister is extremely morbidly obese and she cries and talks about her weight to me often. So I don't want to tell her because I feel like it would make her feel worse that I am able to do this and she can't/or won't.

Won't your sister eventually find out that you had the surgery? Or at least, notice that you are losing lots of weight quickly?

One of the three people I told kept asking me this. People hear weight loss surgery and they seem to think you are instantly thin or you look sickly.

My weight-loss looks normal, and I have lost almost this much weight before. I am not yet in no mans land but I have lost well over 50lbs this year, just over 50 since surgery. I look normal. I take good care of my skin, take all of my Vitamins, and get all my Protein in. I order smaller portions (normal really) and I eat amounts that are not alarming. Everyone knows I love to low carb, if I get a sandwich and just eat the meat no one cares, the meat on a restaurant sandwich is just a few ounces, that is why all the rolls/buns are so huge.

When I lose another 50lbs people might get curious, but everyone knows I walk 2-3 miles a day, and my house is devoid of sugar and carbs. There is nothing about my actions that make me stand out from any person that is trying to eat healthy.

Also people seem to obsess about people watching what they eat, but honestly I have no one cares or pays attention.

Even if you are losing weight "quickly" at 20-10 lbs a month in the beginning, if you are morbidly obese, it doesn't seem like a lot to people seeing you. By the time they are shocked at your weight loss you are down 80-100lbs. There are plenty of threads around here with people complaining no one is complimenting their weightloss but they have lost a 2nd grader in weight.

I'm not in the situation where I know an obese person that is desperate to lose weight. I am the mostly lone fat person in a sea of fit people in my social circle/family. If I knew someone that was desperate to lose weight I am not sure I could without how I was losing weight to them, especially if their health was failing. Still most women that have had hysterectomies don't go around telling everyone with cramps their cure secret.

We are so weight obsessed in this society that something that is a personal health decision is treated like public information and this age of over sharing and trash TV like biggest loser doesn't make it any better. Other people are not entitled to know your medical information and there is even a law to protect you.

Edited October 19, 2015 by OutsideMatchInside

[chuck415 89]

Good luck ellie123 Nov 2nd is right around the corner!

I have been open about my upcoming surgery to my family and coworkers. I have only told a few but word seems to spread quickly. Haha.

Everyone has been supportive but some people seem to think of themselves as experts. I'm on my pre-op diet and I'm getting at least 100 grams of Protein a day right now. (Which includes 3 Protein shakes)

A lady told me yesterday that I wasn't drinking enough shakes and I should be drinking at least 6 of them a day!

[dragonfly78 16]

Hello all! I had my sleeve on 9/3/15. I decided to tell my work family, blood family and I even posted a blog for those who wanted to follow it. https://thedawningofanewday.wordpress.com/

I decided there is no reason to hide it. I am not ashamed at this point. This is a harder journey than anyone knows....if you do what you're supposed to and stick by the plan. Most everyone has been greatly supportive through this journey so far. I am halfway to my weight loss goal already, and I'm feeling great about everything at this point. Don't feel ashamed! You need the support! Have a positive attitude and others will respond to that. Best of luck on your journey!

[itstimealready 180]

I'm almost 3 weeks out and no one knows! It was way easier than I thought. Even with all my shakes in the office fridge people just no one even notices what I'm eating and it's been problem free. I'm so so glad I didn't tell anyone especially since the weight is coming off a lot slower than expected.

[Sleeved11/13/15 9]

The only person I told was my husband and my grandma.

The only people...

[MrsRP 36]

I don't have a date or even approval from insurance yet. I just met with my doctor last week. It's going to be a long process but the only person that will know is my husband. Im not telling anyone either. I have many friends whom have had this surgery and they don't tell. Some do some I know because I've known them for years and the were never thin so now they are like 110 pounds.

[izzy13 117]

I haven't made the decision to have surgery just yet so the only person who knows I've had a consultation is my sister who had surgery last year (and is doing awesome btw). I don't think I would tell anyone outside my close circle of family BUT I just started dating this great guy in October, has anyone had this situation where you have a significant other who might be freaked out by telling them you're having this surgery? And did they take it well?

I will also say I am not morbidly obese -I am slightly obese but with co-morbitities so it might be a surprise to him that I'm even considering it. Just looking to see if anyone else has been in this predicament.

Thanks!!!!

[MrsRP 36]

My BMI is 35 And Im just starting the process. My husband knows that I've struggled with my weight so it was hard for me to tell him that I wanted this specially when I don't look my weight (exactly the words of the psych on the evaluation consult)

But he is supportive. I asked him again last night while I was doing the in home sleep study and he again said yes.

So it really depends on the relationship and how you two interact as a couple.

[Gethealthy2016 17]

Hi everyone-I'm new as well. This is a great topic and I've enjoyed reading all the posts because I am in the same boat. Currently only three people know-husband, close friend and my stepmother (by default because I wasn't able to drive to the first appointment at the hospital due to recovering from a leg issue).

Ironically, several individuals in my department have recently had this surgery. Our company insurance thankfully covers it so it is something several folks take advantage of if possible. My boss actually recommended it to me simply because we have known each other for years and he knows my husband wants to have kids but I refuse to at this weight-plus I have lymphedema in my legs which could force me into a wheelchair eventually. He knows about that because I have to wear crocks to work. So one day he says, "Not to pry, but have you considered this surgery? Wouldn't the weight loss help relieve the stress on your legs?"

Sadly, while I should have been offended, I didn't want him to know I had already begun the process at our local hospital. I just nodded and said I'd look into it. He then went an additional step and told his boss just to come back to tell me that they both would support it next year if I had to take the full 3 months off for STD that others in the department took.

I was so shocked at his kindness as I know he knows taking time off work worries me as I don't want to let my team down. And he truly is a great boss to even go the extra mile to ensure I am healthy. Yet, I still don't want anyone to know for all the reasons folks posted above. I've witnessed how an entire department gets behind supporting people yet judges them at the same time.

I guess it comes down to a fear of failing, as I am a senior leader and don't want my struggle to define who I am-especially professionally.

Reading above though I realized I can't not tell my family because to another poster's point, family functions will happen and if I'm still in the liquid stage I need to be honest so they don't think I am being rude.

Luckily with the new year coming, most people will think it's the typical lose weight resolution for more working out (which I desperately need to start walking) and eating better.

Now that the "Holiday Season" is behind me, I can hopefully slink by under the radar under March or April which I am hoping to have as my surgery date!

Edited December 29, 2015 by Gethealthy2016

[ellie123 374]

@@Gethealthy2016 I totally understand where you're coming from with work In a way, work can be just as challenging as home because you spend more of your waking hours at work than anywhere else. My personal advice to you is to tell as few people as possible until you're comfortable and confident in the fact that you want to share because once you sure you could never take it back and right now your focus needs to be on you, getting yourself ready, getting your mind ready etc, not responding to other people's fears,questions, reservations, inquisitiveness, Etc

But whatever path you choose I wish you the best of luck, you will do awesome and ultimately your weight-loss will bring you to a place where you're happier than ever before! Smiling down at your future babies, knowing you did everything possible to make sure that they have a healthy mama )

Blessings and love