I can't believe it...he doesn't really care!

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I had my pre op "life after surgery" class today. My husband didn't want to go with me, because he didn't want to leave our almost 14yr old daughter in charge that long. Even though it felt like an excuse, I went on by myself. When I got home, I tried to tell my husband about the things we went over in class and he didn't want to hear it. I told him he should read the booklet we were given so he'd know what I need help-wise after surgery and he said "why should I read it? You're the one who needs to know!" When I showed the kids the 2oz cup that represents how much mommy's new pouch will hold he just muttered "that's just dumb!" And wouldn't talk about it. He griped because I told him I can't use the Protein Powder he bought for himself for my post op because of the sugar/sugar alcohol content and he asked why so I told him and told him it's all laid out in the booklet I asked him to read and he just turned around and walked out. I don't understand what's going on!

[tcon 305]

Sounds like he may be a little insecure. Is he overweight? Hopefully he'll read it and realize you're making changes so that you will be healthy.

Good luck and I hope he changes his heart.

[Onelife 128]

Maybe it is not that he does not care, but maybe he is afraid. Some people don't deal with change well.

[GBLady41 393]

I agree with Onelife. He may be afraid of change and not ready to accept that you are going to do this. I'm sure he'll come around. Maybe leave the booklet in plain sight and he'll probably look at it when he's ready.

[tiggerbug 70]

I had the same thing with my husband through the whole process. I finally told ho. I wasn't doing it for him I was doing it for me and found outside support. It's hard but it can be done. luckily my kids are older and we're there to help me also. Good luck with your surgery

[SookieLei 47]

My fiancé was also pretty supportive in the beginning, but now that this is actually here( surgery is Friday) we have argued so much over it! He won't even be going to the hospital with me, apparently he has a work thing... Good luck to you dear, hopefully yours will come around, I think for men when a woman changes themselves they fear of how it's going to effect their selfish behinds.

[TMG1980TMG 136]

My husband is afraid, but he taking the opposite route and grilling me on the surgery: how, why, what ifs. I think he has come to terms with the fact that I am not changing my mind. He came to my pre-op class but was very late. I appreciated his effort.

I hope your husband comes around. Maybe try and open a dialogue about concerns of the surgery?

[silkouj 76]

Completely understand where you're coming from. My husband has also been distant lately too. Not sure what is his deal either. Might be the upcoming change is worrying him. Maybe he is worried you will outgrow him? I try not to let it bother me. Kinda pick my battles. Keep positive and maybe bring your 14 year old to a nutrition appointment. I can't wait to start the support groups. Need others to talk to that are struggling with the same issues.

[TMG1980TMG 136]

Yes, my husband has also said a few times he was worried I would get skinny and leave him. I think surgery makes them insecure....

[ebezi7908 30]

My husband is being supportive but I try not to talk his ear off about it. He said "don't do this thing and then forget about me" my heart broke and I reassured him that we in this for at least another 55 years! He is just afraid he will come around.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

Sounds like he may be a little insecure. Is he overweight? Hopefully he'll read it and realize you're making changes so that you will be healthy.

Good luck and I hope he changes his heart.

I think he is getting more insecure as it goes on. I've been the "fat one" in our relationship from the beginning and over the past years he's put weight on too and now as I'm going down and he's still going up, looks like I won't be the fat one for long. I think it bothers him. I also think he's probably afraid I'll leave him, but I don't have any plans on leaving him. We've been a team this long(17+ yrs at this point) I don't know why he thinks we can't be a team anymore.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

Maybe it is not that he does not care, but maybe he is afraid. Some people don't deal with change well.

you make a good point. This is the man who nearly had an anxiety attack because I painted the living room by surprise while he was at work. He really doesn't like change at all!

[Sajijoma 1,324]

My husband is being supportive but I try not to talk his ear off about it. He said "don't do this thing and then forget about me" my heart broke and I reassured him that we in this for at least another 55 years! He is just afraid he will come around.

i try not to talk about it non stop. I know how annoying that can be, but my heart really just broke when he wouldn't even look at the book to understand what I need him to help with after surgery. I don't know if I can really do this on my own with 7 kids and no support. I don't know what's wrong with men that they think we are just gonna leave because we get smaller pants! Geez!

[Tssiemer1 549]

My husband gets... aggravated I guess is the word when I talk about it. Or I said something about this time next year I'll be able to do whatever it was we were doing easier and he was like "if you lose the weight." Like ugh. Dripping with spew and ugly bitterness I needed a shower after he spit that out.

[catek 3]

Your post reminded me greatly of my ex-husband's reaction when I went through post partum depression years ago when our little one was born. He got mad (yellng mad) because I could not stop crying, refused to go to the doctor with me (my mom had to take me and when he refused to watch the baby while we were going, we took baby with us). Years later, he was diagnosed with depression as well; but by then we had divorced. In contrast, current hubby has gone to the pre-op appointments with me except for the nutritional class even though he did the driving. I taught him to cook, because he retired and I kept working, so he is now the house husband... but he said that he would rather have me teach him. On the ride home he admitted that the whole thing scares him, but he is more concerned about my health and knows I need to lose the weight... he is just afraid he will also have to eat like I am going to have to eat and he doesn't want to. He is not skinny, but still within a healthy weight for his age and height. I'm trying to assure him that the liquid diet, puree diet are temporary and he can eat all of his favorites and it won't bother me. Later, when I can move into regular food, I will just be eating a great deal less than him and may skip a few things (like potatoes and pasta). He can eat his lasagna and I'll just cook a little something else... no big deal. I reminded him of the various allergies the kids have and how I had to fix separate meals for them from time to time. No biggie. After that, he realized it was doable... But I think our men are actually scared for us as surgery is a major big deal and they are also fearful of change. As someone else suggested, just leave the reading material out somewhere. He might look at it. He might not... but let it be his idea and his option.