Approved - but Should I Go through with it?

[wwboy 141]

I just got called yesterday with my official approval - and surgery date for December.

I'm completely confused.

I'm at 39 Bmi and 34 years old. I just have this nagging fear about regrets in the long term. I'm scared of not losing much weight -- of not keeping it off...

I'm part of a church tradition that advocates a vegetarian or vegan diet. I've never done it. But I know that there's lots of research indicating that plant based diets are the most healthy -- disease fighting even. I'm afraid of ending up not getting healthy through this surgery and then finding that the plant based diet thing was my real solution. I'd hate that regret.

I'm worried about where I'll be in 15 or 20 years. I'm scared of complications or regrets. I'm scared the research will turn and that this decision will eventually come to be known as a foolish one.

My wife is super supportive and is crystal clear that I should go through with it. I'm fully conflicted.

Did anyone have these kinds of mixed emotions?

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[Elizabeth Matheson 2]

Obviously i cant tell you to have the surgery but i can let you know of my experience.

I weighed 118 Kg (260 pound) before pre op.

I now weigh 79 Kg (174) 11 months out.

I am 35 years old and have two young children. It has been life changing. I have lost weight before- but it was always so hard to do- constantly fighting hunger (all the time). I was in a battle with myself.

After this surgery i no longer have to physically battle myself with hunger. I do still get hungry- but only after 3-4 hours (not 30 minutes after the meal)

I have much great levels of energy and have just started playing cardio tennis (which is the next step in my journey)

I see this as doing things only that i can realistically incorporate into my life. I am still able to eat out socially (most my friends now what i have had- but it has been a wonderful response.)

I don't regret the surgery- only that i didn't do it a long time ago

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I was a vegetarian for a long time (10+ years) and ate myself to well over 350 lbs, so that surely wasn't my real solution.

Are there people with complications and regrets after surgery? Sure, but I'm going to bet that percentage-wise, there are a lot more people who are morbidly obese with complications and sad emotions related to their obesity than there are people who are post-VSG with complications and regrets.

When I was in your situation, I was a lot more worried about where I'd be in 15-20 years without surgery (likely dead) than in 15-20 years after surgery.

The vast majority of people who have this surgery have no complications. I was one of that group. I never had even a twinge of regret, not even upon waking up from surgery or during the first days of recovery. This was easily the best decision I have ever made for myself.

[sleevenv 483]

You shouldn't do it untill your head is clear and straight. You mention a number of things that express that you're fearful of failure. Perhaps it's really a fear of success. See your psych and make sure your head is in the right place. This is a forever surgery.

Edited September 27, 2015 by sleevenv

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I've been vegetarian for nearly 20 years and still managed to become morbidly obese.

[wwboy 141]

Hi all thank you for the replies. I resonate especially with sleevenv's point that clarity is really important before proceeding. One way or another. I simply don't have it yet.

One thing I've been thinking about though: is that if I come into this surgery with the mindset that it's a last ditch effort, then it if doesn't go perfectly, I'm setting myself up for greater disappointment or even shame. But on the other end, if I go into it like "oh maybe I'll get healthy and maybe I won't...whatever happens happens" then I might not take the lifestyle seriously enough on the other side.

I know - I'm overthinking it probably. Haha. Anyways, thanks for the input. And if anyone else has more, I'm all ears.

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[downsizingdiva 459]

I HAD MIXED EMOTIONS BUT KNEW I HAD TO GO THRU WITH IT IF I WANTED TO BE HEALTHY AND FEEL GOOD AGAIN AND NOT HAVE DIABETES, CHEST PAINS, FATIGUE, REFLUX ETC....NINE MONTHS OUT AND OVER 100 POUNDS DOWN, I AM SO SO MUCH HEALTHIER ALREADY!!! I WOULD LIKE TO SAY GO FOR IT BUT IF YOU'RE QUESTIONING IT THAT MUCH MAYBE YOU SHOULD WAIT.....

[katcycler 95]

I think that all of us have been where you are at one time. Even a few months after surgery I questioned my decision, but now that I am 10 months out and have lost 144lbs, I can truly say this decision was the best decision I have ever made for myself. We all lose weight at different speeds but if you do what your doc advises and listen to your support system, you will be successful. I live with the fear of gaining weight back everyday, but I just live one day at a time and stay focused. You can do this!! Fear of the unknown is perfectly normal.

[phatfatgirl 100]

Think about it. Don't cancel your surgery, you've got time. Your surgery isn't till Dec right? Use this time wisely.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I think you just want to know what we all want to know. That this is 100% going to work and we'll be able to do everything we want. There's no way to know for sure that you won't have complications or that it'll work how you've imagined it in your head, but I wouldn't cancel the surgery until you knew 100% in your heart you absolutely do not want to go through with it. Think of all the effort and time it's taken to get to this moment and you are ready to walk away out of a common fear all of us have. I'll tell you this. I had a chance for surgery when I was in my early 20's and I ran from it out of fear and sheer unwillingness to give up my vices thinking I could do it on my own. Fast forward to today and I'm 38 and almost twice my former weight when I ran. If I had just had supportive people to tell me I can do this and my life will be so much better maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. Maybe I would have had the guts to go through with it and be in a better place physically. I'm not telling you what to do, but consider the regret if you don't go through it in your decision making. I won't be passing up my second chance this time.

[Babbs 14,681]

Risk vs benefit my friend.

The risks are low (-1%)

The benefit from me having surgery and losing almost 90 pounds, becoming healthy as a horse, and feeling completely normal at over a year out except for some much needed restriction (100%)

I'll take those odds.

[Jovie62 135]

Babbs is right for me also. The benefit definitely out weighed the risk. I don't know what your health or weightloss history is, but for me this was the best decision I've made. Its totally normal to be second guessing your decision, surgery is always a scary thought. Good luck!

[wwboy 141]

Thanks for your support and feedback. It means a lot!

I think one of the things that threw me for a loop was a conversation I had with my long time counselor. She has helped me work through some things in the past and so I scheduled an appointment to talk over my surgery. She reacted beyond negatively about the idea encouraged to seriously reconsider. She told me she has more than a handful of patients who after seeing the surgery fail are now depressed and even suicidal. From her perspective there is little long-term success ever for this. And the best possible diet is a plant-based diet.

I really trust her judgment because she's helped me so much in the past and yet what she was saying it so far different from the general positivity on this forum and even among the literature. And so like I said her divergent point of view really threw me for a loop. I'm sorting through it.

And yeah, it's a great thing my date isn't until December. Plenty of Time to reschedule or go forward either way.

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[twinhappy 79]

You might be an over-thinker like I am. I had all the same concerns. Bottom line is that you may not be around in 10-20 years to even worry about the long term effects if you remain obese. I made the decision to just do it! Put all doubts aside and just went with the flow. There are a lot of steps to the process and I just took them one step at a time and didn't dwell on what the 3 steps ahead were. I would schedule the surgery and try the vegetarian diet between now and then. If you make it through Thanksgiving without cheating and you are loosing weight then just cancel or postpone the surgery. Good luck!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@wwboy

As far as people being miserable post surgery, most of them were miserable before surgery. They thought the weight was their problem, not other things. Bad life choices, traumatic childhood, bad life partners, lack of assertiveness, social anxiety, etc. Losing weight won't fix that and when people lose the weight and they are emotionally in the same place or worse, it really goes down hill. I know a lot of people that had surgery and are still miserable but they are just miserable people, fat or skinny.

If you love yourself and you are happy with yourself, but you need to lose some excess weight to make life easier then do it.

Most vegetarians and vegans I know are fat. They are sugar addicts and they pile on a lot of crap. It is really easy to be over weight on a plant based diet. You can just binge on fruit and you will be just as fat as if you are were eat double cheese burgers.

If moderation is your issue, then surgery will help you with the moderation. The ability to eat very little and feel satisfied and full is a feel of euphoria that is hard to describe. You can have the sleeve and still have a plant based diet, people here do it, it is done.

Your counselor doesn't have to live in your skin, and deal with you life. So keep that in mind when taking advice from her or anyone else (including me) you have to live with you.