Does the first time hurt the worst? Inner-demons

[theother_onefoot 122]

Please tell me some projections on when this feeling will get better...

Tonight I had my first physics exam ever, this year has been my first dedicated physics class, and I found out that I understand much better in lecture than I do on the exam. I drove home feeling physically ill and hurting because I am having such a hard time understanding all of the concepts, and this is the first time in a long time I have felt so incapable of understanding something.

But as I cried to my mom to vent the frustration, a different issue reared its ugly head. Tonight has been my first night since surgery, since the preop liquid diet even, that I have gotten to the point I felt upset I didn't have food as an outlet. Am I hungry right now? Yes. It's my dinnertime. But the whole drive home my brain fed me pictures of KFC mashed potatoes or macaroni and tried to justify the idea by adding some Protein Powder to it so it at least wouldn't be empty calories. Getting home, my mom told me there were leftover refried Beans from Gringo's in the fridge, and I started crying again about how I don't want to eat beans, I want to eat meat! How I'm frustrated I feel like I'm constantly eating the same things and most of my Protein seems to be coming from dairy sources. She offered me her leftover fajita meat to try, but I said that wasn't the point. She tried to comfort me, but when I told her that it would have been so much easier or "made me feel better" to go into the kitchen and eat the two or three leftover tortillas instead of continuing to think about physics, but that I no longer had food to go to as that mind-numbing, brainless indulgence for some kind of illogically made-up comfort, she felt bad that she didn't know what to say to me.

I'm sure I will find other, better outlets to help me cope eventually... But this first run-in with my demons has left me completely wounded. How long did it take everyone else to realize they were no longer looking to food as a crutch? And does it really get better with not wanting food or do you just find enough other things to distract from wanting it?

[LadyK44 263]

Everyone is different. I've been sleeved for almost 14 months! Every day can be a challenge when it comes to food. It takes a lot to make a choice not to over eat and/or eat the wrong things! Find activity that you enjoy and use that as a substitute. Something healthy like walking, reading, or writing. I enjoy working out and writing.

Edited September 24, 2015 by LadyK44