New to dating

[sgc 538]

Decided to start a conversation with her today. Seemed to go ok. We agreed we need to hang out together but didn't progress to actually setting a time and place. She seemed to enjoy my jokes and talk about work related stuff. I think I made progress but not sure if I'm close to closing the deal. I guess the best thing I can do is keep working on it. Once I get closer to my goal weight I can try online dating if nothing happens here.

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

That is awesome!!! The first steps to the dream girl. Your have charmed her?☺

[sgc 538]

This is definitely new to me. I have had crushes on women but mostly they were either married and didn't even know who I was or a celebrity. This is the first time I had a crush on a woman who may actually like me. I can't help but think she may be on a forum or talking to friends asking them if they think I like her.

After we talked, I noticed she started liking and sharing some posts about being single on Valentines Day. Obviously she knows I can see it and knows I'm single. She also has like 900 friends so there could be another guy she's in to.

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

Aww. Listen, just cause she had 900 fb "friends" ( and I quote friends because most of those people are just there for numbers), does not mean anything. She liked them, probably to let you know she was single. I Ave done that before.

Continue to talk to her. I know it is difficult but you can do it. We are supporting you!!!

[sgc 538]

It's really not the fact she has 900 friends but it's possible there could be another guy mixed in those 900 people. I sometimes can't believe I study her Facebook page. I almost feel like a stalker. A while back she liked some post about men with beards so I grew a beard and took a pic and used it as my profile picture.

She seemed to like our conversation. Hard to tell through an instant messenger. She seemed to lol a lot. I never would have started a conversation like this when I weighed 470 pounds even when it wasn't face to face. Guess I'm inching closer to normalcy.

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

On 2/15/2017 at 1:40 AM, Thejeweledsleeve said:

That is awesome!!! The first steps to the dream girl. Your have charmed her?☺

@sgc you got this!!! Just continue making her laugh and asking questions about her. She will be impressed. Also let her know a little bit about you. Then schedule a time to hangout after work. Make the first move for hanging out.

A sure fire way that you can tell if a girl is interested, is by the length of her response. If she uses mostly 1 - 4 word responses and do not add any detail, then you know. If her responses are detailed and long, then she is interested in keeping the conversation going. (Do note that some people cannot carry written messages but however can carry a verbal conversation. And then there are those who can do both). From reading your post, she can do both. I am sure you are reading this thinking, how can this possibly help me? Well, it is the trivial things that can tell you who a person is.

[sgc 538]

They weren't lengthy responses but more just general chit chat. She did message yesterday just to talk about work stuff. Didn't talk to her today because she left early. It appears that she went to a show with some other female co-workers that she invited me to way back in November. That kind of seems like a bummer.

[NWJill 119]

Take a step and offer a time and place to do something, might as well see what happens

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

5 hours ago, NWJill said:

Take a step and offer a time and place to do something, might as well see what happens

I agree. Make your move.

[sgc 538]

I'll see what happens. Being a work thing I don't want to push it too much. She is friends with people in my department so I don't want to make things too awkward. I'm thinking it has become more a woman was finally nice to me and I took it way too serious. If nothing come of it, I just need to continue to work to my goal weight which is only about 30-40 pounds away. Maybe I'll be there by spring and can start the online dating thing again.

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

@sgc hmmm, interesting. What is with the change in attitude today? You had such a positive spirit prior. I am wondering if maybe you are not ready to start actively dating just yet. Maybe you need to reach your weight goal first. Maybe dating should be placed on the back burner for now. You may need to get to know you, the new you...the healthy you before you decide to date.

For me, it will be remembering who I was before I gained all my weight and because self-conscious.

Focus on you right now. I know this is cliche, but when you are ready you will know you are ready to date.

[sgc 538]

When she went to that play Thursday, it seemed to change my attitude. It all started in October when we both happened to be in the office at the same time. I hadn't seen her face to face in months so she noticed my weight loss. A week later she asks me if I wanted to go to a play with her in November. I said yes but it was sold out. She then said there was another one in February but tickets weren't on sale yet. She would get back with me. Didn't really talk until December when she asked me to go to a co-worker going away party. I went and we talked. That's when she was asking me if I was dating anyone but then she said she would set me up with one of her friends. That was probably my chance right there but I didn't take it. She commented numerous times she was glad I came because I was hesitant since I really didn't know the person who this was for really well. She told me to message her on Facebook when I got home. It was snowing pretty good that night and I had a couple drinks. I did and she replied back saying once again she was glad I came. She said they were doing something again tomorrow and would let me know. She never did. I didn't talk to her again until this past Tuesday. I kind of figured she just didn't get tickets to the play or decided not to go. She said she wanted to do something and would get back to me. Thursday I find out she did go to the play she asked me to come to back in November. I guess if she was as interested in me as I am in her, she would have followed through on her invite. I'm kind of noticing a pattern of her inviting me to things and then not following through.

I'm sure I dropped the ball somewhere along the line. I have had this problem my whole life and it's the same with men as it is with women. I just can't seem to bond with anybody. I get along with everybody. In my year end review my supervisor even remarked about how well I get along with my co-workers but I have absolutely no true friendships. I'm not sure if it is the weight or what. I had set up an expectation to get down to 250 pounds and am at 245 now so I lowered my goal weight. Maybe another 20-30 pounds. I'm almost 32 and never really dated my entire life. When I first started this thread over a year ago, I was over 400 pounds and contemplating dating. I'm 200 pounds less so I think I'm ready.

[gowalking 10,790]

3 hours ago, sgc said:

When she went to that play Thursday, it seemed to change my attitude. It all started in October when we both happened to be in the office at the same time. I hadn't seen her face to face in months so she noticed my weight loss. A week later she asks me if I wanted to go to a play with her in November. I said yes but it was sold out. She then said there was another one in February but tickets weren't on sale yet. She would get back with me. Didn't really talk until December when she asked me to go to a co-worker going away party. I went and we talked. That's when she was asking me if I was dating anyone but then she said she would set me up with one of her friends. That was probably my chance right there but I didn't take it. She commented numerous times she was glad I came because I was hesitant since I really didn't know the person who this was for really well. She told me to message her on Facebook when I got home. It was snowing pretty good that night and I had a couple drinks. I did and she replied back saying once again she was glad I came. She said they were doing something again tomorrow and would let me know. She never did. I didn't talk to her again until this past Tuesday. I kind of figured she just didn't get tickets to the play or decided not to go. She said she wanted to do something and would get back to me. Thursday I find out she did go to the play she asked me to come to back in November. I guess if she was as interested in me as I am in her, she would have followed through on her invite. I'm kind of noticing a pattern of her inviting me to things and then not following through.

I'm sure I dropped the ball somewhere along the line. I have had this problem my whole life and it's the same with men as it is with women. I just can't seem to bond with anybody. I get along with everybody. In my year end review my supervisor even remarked about how well I get along with my co-workers but I have absolutely no true friendships. I'm not sure if it is the weight or what. I had set up an expectation to get down to 250 pounds and am at 245 now so I lowered my goal weight. Maybe another 20-30 pounds. I'm almost 32 and never really dated my entire life. When I first started this thread over a year ago, I was over 400 pounds and contemplating dating. I'm 200 pounds less so I think I'm ready.

My dear man. Please know that I only want the best for you and many of us here on this site so understand your struggles with the whole dating thing. Having said that...I do not think you are ready to date. This has nothing to do with your weight. It has to do with your vulnerability. Dating is not the for faint of heart. In order to date, you must put yourself out there and know that rejection is always lurking close by. You need to be able to know that if a date or a relationship goes sour, it's not just because you are/were fat, ugly, mean, dependent, clingy, blah blah blah. Get where I'm going with this?

You have to be tough and able to let things roll off your back. Trust me. I started dating more than two years ago and it was hard. Really hard. I just got really lucky in that I found a man who is perfect for me. And when I say lucky I mean it. We just happened to be available at the same time and I reached out to him on the dating site. It was as random as possible but we somehow found each other and the rest is history. Most people aren't that lucky and can't find their special someone no matter how great they are. I bet you are a great guy but women don't know it. My fella and I could have missed each other just as easily. Doesn't mean I'm not a great catch because I am. Just means the stars aligned with him and me. Unless you can feel that way, don't date yet. Get to a therapist and learn to love yourself first. Only then can you truly love another. Good luck and best to you. Please keep us posted on your journey.

[sleevinpops 303]

I couldn't agree more with go walking! She is right. You will at some point need to tale the bull by the horns. Building up your own confidence will make a tremendous difference. In addition to talking with your therapist, get involved with more social opportunities like toastmasters, after hours events, community service, etc. this may give you the opportunity to continually introduce yourself to new people and increase your confidence in yourself.

You got this! [emoji123]

[sgc 538]

I've been to counseling and am on medication so if I'm not ready now, not sure if I will ever be. This is a different situation since i work with this person. If I get rejected, I would still need to work with this person. I really have no clue how to tell if someone is interested in me. I'm really like a 13 year old when it come to this stuff. If I didn't work with her, I probably would have just done it by now. I felt the best approach was to get to know her more and kind of ease myself into it. When I first started this thread I met two women and got rejected and it wasn't that upsetting. Probably because I wasn't into them either. That's another problem I foresee as well. If I do date someone and I'm not interested, I would feel too bad to tell them as such.