New to dating

[sgc 538]

She did mention about doing something else and said she would get back with me and never did. I don't know if she lost interest or is waiting for me or what. I'm nervous since we work at the same place. She may at best think this is just a social interaction where I'm thinking more than that.

[sgc 538]

I still suck at this game. Still haven't gone to any dinner or play with this woman from work. A week before Christmas another coworker who I didn't know very well was leaving the company. There was a gathering at a bar after work for her going away. I wasn't going to attend because I really didn't know her. The other woman who I think is interested in me asked if I was going. I said probably not because I didn't know her. She then said she was going so of course I changed my mind and went. While there we talked a little. She asked if I was dating anyone. I said I wasn't and she said she could set me up with one of her friends. That kind of disappointed me but maybe she was wanting me to ask her out. I was too nervous to do it in front of coworkers so I didn't. Anyways after before we went home she asked me to message her on Facebook when I got home. I did and she responded and said she was so glad I decided to go. They had another thing planned and she would let me know. She hasn't spoken with me since. I really think I blew my chance and should have asked her out that night. I guess I'm still fighting self image issues. This woman has so many friends and is well liked by everyone and so pretty I just can't understand why someone like that would want to be with a guy that at one time weighed almost 500 pounds. I have been agonizing about it for over a month now. Not sure what to do. I'm getting closer to a goal weight and may start up an online profile and try to move on. Most of my adulthood I have been a loner due to my weight and it's just so hard to try to start fresh in my 30's.

[gowalking 10,790]

@sgc....many of the folks who were part of this thread haven't been online in a while. I just wanted you aware so you understand why no one is getting back to you. I'm still here though and all I can say is dating is hard. I hated it but it was a means to an end. The good thing is that I found a wonderful man online and we are beyond happy. All I can do is hope that you have the same experience.

[sgc 538]

@sgc....many of the folks who were part of this thread haven't been online in a while. I just wanted you aware so you understand why no one is getting back to you. I'm still here though and all I can say is dating is hard. I hated it but it was a means to an end. The good thing is that I found a wonderful man online and we are beyond happy. All I can do is hope that you have the same experience.

I realized there was going to be less traction in this thread. I'm more or less just talking aloud. I'm just struggling to pick up on if a woman is interested in me and I always go back to why would a girl be interested in a guy who used to weigh 470 pounds? With the skin issue, I'll need to eventually come out with it that I used to weight about 220 pounds more.

@sgc....many of the folks who were part of this thread haven't been online in a while. I just wanted you aware so you understand why no one is getting back to you. I'm still here though and all I can say is dating is hard. I hated it but it was a means to an end. The good thing is that I found a wonderful man online and we are beyond happy. All I can do is hope that you have the same experience.

I realized there was going to be less traction in this thread. I'm more or less just talking aloud. I'm just struggling to pick up on if a woman is interested in me and I always go back to why would a girl be interested in a guy who used to weigh 470 pounds? With the skin issue, I'll need to eventually come out with it that I used to weight about 220 pounds more.

[sgc 538]

@sgc....many of the folks who were part of this thread haven't been online in a while. I just wanted you aware so you understand why no one is getting back to you. I'm still here though and all I can say is dating is hard. I hated it but it was a means to an end. The good thing is that I found a wonderful man online and we are beyond happy. All I can do is hope that you have the same experience.

I realized there was going to be less traction in this thread. I'm more or less just talking aloud. I'm just struggling to pick up on if a woman is interested in me and I always go back to why would a girl be interested in a guy who used to weigh 470 pounds? With the skin issue, I'll need to eventually come out with it that I used to weight about 220 pounds more.

[sgc 538]

@sgc....many of the folks who were part of this thread haven't been online in a while. I just wanted you aware so you understand why no one is getting back to you. I'm still here though and all I can say is dating is hard. I hated it but it was a means to an end. The good thing is that I found a wonderful man online and we are beyond happy. All I can do is hope that you have the same experience.

I realized there was going to be less traction in this thread. I'm more or less just talking aloud. I'm just struggling to pick up on if a woman is interested in me and I always go back to why would a girl be interested in a guy who used to weigh 470 pounds? With the skin issue, I'll need to eventually come out with it that I used to weight about 220 pounds more.

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

I think you should speak to her at work. Maybe casually bump into her and then spark up a conversation on how she is doing. Telling how things are going with you and then say you know back at the bar. Causally say well I wasn't sure if you were dating someone so I probably missed my shot and laugh a little. I think she will be impressed.


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[sgc 538]

We both work remotely now so we don't actually meet face to face at work anymore. We have a company messenger thing I can use to talk to her. At least if I get shot down, it won't be in person and I wouldn't have to see her anymore. I sometimes think maybe she is waiting for me to ask her out. It's somewhat sad that at 31 this is so foreign to me. I should have figured this stuff out in 7th grade.

[NWJill 119]

If you can message her, why not casually ask if she wants to get a drink or coffee sometime. Do you have any common friends where you can do like a group gathering? Say hey, I'm having friends over for pizza and movie night, would love if you could come. I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread but a couple and I'm sitting here thinking, why not you? Some people are just not as turned off by weight as people think, I know when I was dating that was never a factor for me. Now as a large woman I preferred men who have struggled with weight too because I related to them better but I know women who haven't struggled and weight still isn't a factor for them, they want a good person. I think most women would be flattered by a date invite even if we aren't interested. The only way to get better at something like dating is to roll the dice and take a chance, some dates will suck but isn't it worth it if you find someone?


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[sgc 538]

I spent most of my adult life being overweight and isolating myself from people that I don't have really any friends let alone common ones. I guess the signs are there. She did draw me a picture when I was in the office and weighed 470 pounds. She did ask me to go to a play and a dinner. That doesn't seem like something a woman would ask a guy to do even though I believe some other female co-workers were going to join us. When I did go to the bar back in December, she did say a couple times she was glad I came. She also asked me if I was single. I am pretty sure she is single. I know she was about a year ago. Ironically I was matched up with her on an online dating site. It's hard to stop thinking as the 470 pound guy. She isn't quite petite. She would probably be considered overweight but I think she is the perfect size. She did comment on my weight loss and she said she wanted to lose some weight. Maybe she has the same insecurities as I do?

[NWJill 119]

I wouldn't be surprised if she does, it sounds to me like she is doing some of the things I would have done if I was interested in a guy. I think it is hard to make friends nowadays, people become online and Facebook casual friends and everyone is afraid to ask people to go do things. Didn't you say you were Facebook friends? Does she post a lot about going out and doing things? Since you both work remotely she may be just as lonely as you. Don't make it so formal as asking out on a "date" at first, grab coffee, grab a movie, see if she is interested it doing stuff as a friend and then see if there are signs she wants to take it further, what is the worst that will happen, you make a better friend?


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[sgc 538]

She does post about going out and doing things from time to time. Usually with other women. I have looked over her Facebook page and haven't seen any pictures or posts that indicate she has a boyfriend. She shared one video about having a crush. It was shared to her timeline and not to me directly. She has like 900 Facebook friends though. It was interesting though that it was shortly after I had talked with her. She suggests to me about doing stuff and then doesn't get back to me. Maybe she thinks I'm not interested? If she asked me to help her hide a body I would jump at it.

[NWJill 119]

Having a lot of Facebook friends doesn't mean anything. She is probably suggesting things to you to get you to make a move. I would approach it like, "Hey, we never got a chance to get together after that gathering, want to go grab dinner and movie?" Keep it casual, if she jumps on it, I bet she is interested, if she says yes but gives you a bunch of excuses and never sets a day and time she probably isn't. Be prepared with some movie and dinner suggestions for days and times for if she says yes


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[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

2 hours ago, sgc said:

I spent most of my adult life being overweight and isolating myself from people that I don't have really any friends let alone common ones. I guess the signs are there. She did draw me a picture when I was in the office and weighed 470 pounds. She did ask me to go to a play and a dinner. That doesn't seem like something a woman would ask a guy to do even though I believe some other female co-workers were going to join us. When I did go to the bar back in December, she did say a couple times she was glad I came. She also asked me if I was single. I am pretty sure she is single. I know she was about a year ago. Ironically I was matched up with her on an online dating site. It's hard to stop thinking as the 470 pound guy. She isn't quite petite. She would probably be considered overweight but I think she is the perfect size. She did comment on my weight loss and she said she wanted to lose some weight. Maybe she has the same insecurities as I do?

@sgc

She may be just as shy as you are. The goal is to go for it. We all have been rejected but it is better to have tried then to have never tried at all. I think she likes you and maybe shy about it. Maybe she thinks you are too good for her. You should go for it. I think once you stop hiding, you will experience the world. Besides, you have millions of people here that are supporting you and in your corner. Though we may not know each other, we know the feelings and experiences. You got this!! Send her a quick email saying something work related and ask her to get coffee so you can discuss it. From there, get to know her. You got the charm, you just have to let it out.

[triplezero 3]

Hi,

Browsing through the site I stumbled upon your thread about being inexperienced with dating. I can really relate to what you have written and was wondering if we could chat sometime.

I'm also 30 (I guess you're 31 now), had the lap-band done in 2008, have maintained a reasonable weight for a while now (~150 - 160), but still have some interpersonal anxieties related to being obese throughout my childhood and adolescence. It would be great to talk with you about your experiences. I have a pretty nonexistent history of dating, and would like to find a relationship, but it's just so hard to know where to begin at this point (it seems like most people paired up around college, so it's hard to not feel insanely far behind and left out). Being private about my weight loss history contributes to social isolation and makes it difficult to open up to anyone.

Anyway, I was just hoping to make a friend and have someone to talk with about all this. I live in CA, but it would be great to chat online or via phone. Maybe we could give each other dating advice, or who knows if we might even hit it off (probably a long shot but you never know). I don't have a support group, and I think you said you don't have one either, so let me know if you're interested. I could PM my phone number. Hope to talk with you soon.