OMG! Help me understand, am I sabotaging myself?

[liannatx 897]

I am 1.5 lbs to Onderland... a major goal and milestone. I am 2 lbs away from HALFWAY TO GOAL !*!*!!!

I have eaten horribly for 2 days. Horribly. My home life is my bright spot, but my job is a flippin nightmare this year. I take portioned healthy stuff to work, but it goes South. I was gifted a small home baked banana Nut bread loaf, and ate a slice. Given a gift bag with chocolates and ate 2... I don't even like sweets. The lounge has donuts and coffee cake, I did resist that. Husband made pizza, I ate the toppings off of 2 slices.

Next day, I got home and hubby made Fajitas. I would normally just eat the meat with some peppers/onions, ate half a tortilla with it. And had 2 Oreos after. I am usually never even tempted by that crap. My "I don't give a EF level" has been at 10 all day. All week.

I want perspective. I have never yet been let down on my choice or slow (but steady) results. Am I throwing myself into a funk because I am close to goal and the possible failure that is associated to that in the past? Or am I just having a crappy week?

[padremama 101]

I was .6 away from onederland and did somewhat of the same thing. 4 days later I am 1.6 away. Had a hot dog, piece of cheesecake, etc.

[liannatx 897]

@padremama Is it complacency? I don't do that normally.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

It's all part of the process. We didn't build these bad habits overnight so we're not going to get rid of them that easily. It's good that you recognize what is triggering the eating. Now you need to find another way to deal with those emotions that doesn't involve eating them.

I am a few pounds from goal and feel like I'm still fighting the emotional eating. I just keep picking myself up and brushing off the crumbs and getting back on track.

[padremama 101]

Well we need to just get back on track. Sometimes seeing others go through same thing helps me not feel defeated. We can do this!! Onderland here we come.

[Elode 8,093]

Sounds like your stress eating.

[liannatx 897]

@Elode Stress eating for sure... I thought I beat that. I guess it makes sense that I cant battle years of habits in a matter of months.

Edited September 16, 2015 by liannatx

[padremama 101]

I also for the first time looked at myself negatively. My stomach looked no different from 36 pounds ago, my legs look no different. I know this is not true, but I let myself fall into that trap. This reminds me of when I lost my husband and went through the text book stages of grief. Was amazed that no matter what your mind tells you, you still go through them. And same with on here. Almost at the same time of any one sleeved in May, stalls happen. Or some other event that most of us experience happens.

That is why I check on here daily and rely on the knowledge of those that have come before us.

[lilkim305 36]

First of all, BREATHE! It sounds like you have gone back to some old eating habits in trying to manage stress. It also seems like you are trying to participate and be included in the food related things at work and home. The surgery is just that a surgery. Life will still go on as it did prior to the surgery. The choices you make are what will be important factors in your overall success or failure. I would also ask you about certain fears that may have started to surface regarding all of the changes that have taken place with regard to your surgery. In my case, I went along smoothly for approximately 9-10 months. Then I felt panicked about the weight loss, how some friends and family reacted to my weight loss,fear about my husband and will he still love me as a much smaller size than when he first met me and more. I also had fear of success and fear of being able to maintain my weight loss! It seemed in my case, a few of these fears hit me all at once and I felt overwhelmed. I reached out to my husband, surgical team and NUT rather than eat. Eating was my solution to my stress and emotions prior to surgery and I really wanted that behavior to stop. I am glad you reached out to talk this out! You have to view that as a major achievement and success! My advice is just take things slowly, don't beat yourself up, use these situations as opportunities to learn and make improvements and adjustments. Focus on one meal at a time. If you do feel tempted decide whether you want that treat or have one of your prepared items earlier than scheduled. Don't beat yourself up over your decision. It's OK to have a treat, just not every day! It's best if you plan a treat so it's a conscious decision rather than an impulse. I would suggest tracking your calories on an app such as my fitness pal or lose it. That will help you feel more in control and accountable.You can do this, you ARE already doing it. Please keep in touch I would love to follow up on your progress! Be well and be kind to yourself! You deserve it!

[Margie122 845]

I have gotten to the weight I am now and a little less a few times before. I am afraid that as I get closer to onederland that I might sabotage myself....I think I am afraid. It's something I'm going to work on with my therapist. I don't believe that my life is going to magically change when I get to goal weight....but I do hope there are some positive changes.n I guess maybe I'm afraid that when I get to my goal weight that things won't have changed for me at all? I'm tired so I may not be making complete sense. I think you have a stressful job and you are stress eating. Recognize it, record it, and move on to tomorrow where you can start fresh.

[liannatx 897]

I have gotten to the weight I am now and a little less a few times before. I am afraid that as I get closer to onederland that I might sabotage myself....I think I am afraid. It's something I'm going to work on with my therapist. I don't believe that my life is going to magically change when I get to goal weight....but I do hope there are some positive changes.n I guess maybe I'm afraid that when I get to my goal weight that things won't have changed for me at all? I'm tired so I may not be making complete sense. I think you have a stressful job and you are stress eating. Recognize it, record it, and move on to tomorrow where you can start fresh.

@padremama You are so levelheaded. It made total sense.

[liannatx 897]

Whoo.... thank you all, I figured I wasn't alone!

[minniegirl 258]

I hovered just above one-derland for many weeks, it will happen quicker if we make the best choices, but what is really cool is that it can and will happen even when we sometimes make a not so great choice. We are living our awesome lives now and for me that SOMETIMES includes a sliver of cake, ice cream, a cookie or slice of pizza. The key for me has been to decide that these things are occasional PLEASURES, no longer GUILTY pleasures. food is to nourish our bodies and YES even sometimes to nourish our souls. I no longer need to feel GUILTY about that and it is wonderful!

If you are feeling that your food choices are working against your goals or they are making you feel guilty you need to stop and recognize that you are in control. Just because you made a few bad choices does not mean you cant continue to make good ones! After all, if you don't deserve the good choices then who does? Free your mind from the old guilt and carry on!

[Laydee_G 78]

@@lilkim305

I absolutely identified with everything you said and really appreciate your words of advice. My weight loss had stalled, a lot of the dynamics between me, my partner, family and some friends have changed and I found myself panicking and in the panic, started to eat things that were not in the plan.

Emotional eating is still the biggest challenge.

I have joined a slimming club to help me refocus on how and what I am eating but am also attending a 12-step fellowship to work through the emotional stuff, because I do not want the emotional hunger to sabotage getting and staying healthier.

Best of success to all on their journey and I look forward to being in Onederland one day soon.

You can do it, Liannatx!!!

[livvsmum 2,369]

If your are at all a self-sabotager, I totally recommend "When food is Love" by Geneen Roth. I read it at the recommendation of my therapist when I was doing the same thing to myself right around goal. It has totally changed my perspective. You have done a lot of hard work physically with changing your eating habits and lifestyle. Sometimes you have to work at the underlying issues too. Good luck!