How can I get my family in my corner?

[♥dreamable 189]

I have an aunt and an uncle who both have had WLS and have had amazing long term results. However, the rest of my family is completely against WLS and is being very hurtful towards me in my decision to have it done as well. I won't get into all the details, but basically I have had to reschedule my surgery twice now, because of family members.

Anyway, what can I do to help "bring them to the other side"? I keep hearing that having surgery is not healthy and all this crap and everyone knows (insert some diet) here that will help me. (Nevermind that in the past 30 years I have tried literally every diet known to man- the first diet I went on I was in 5th grade!!!!!)

I also keep hearing the normal things like, "you are taking the easy way out" (lol which is so absurd to me) and things like, "you are making the biggest mistake of your life".

I know it's easy for others to just say, "f-em, you don't need them in your life" but the reality is that they are family and we always have been really close. It is SO hurtful to me that they are not supportive (aside from a few and my aunt and uncle who have previously had surgery). I am just looking for advice from friends and family members here, what is something that was helpful to change your mind and make you realize that it really is a smart decision?

[Chele H 427]

Are you working with a surgeon right now? Does he/she offer an informational seminar or support group? Can you take your family members with you to a seminar or support group? Or take them with you to an appoinmtment with your surgeon?

Maybe if they see other people who have had surgery, listen to the struggles, etc. Maybe if they can ask questions to ease thier minds about your safety it would help.

If none of that works my advice to you is to get the surgery anyway if it is something you want for you. It may be difficult without your family's support but you have to take care of your health.

[WPBFoodie 31]

I agree with Chele. Schedule your surgery if it's what you want to do. They don't understand the health implications of remaining overweight. I didn't tell my parents till two days prior. Didn't want them spending weeks complaining about something I was going to do.

[toler48 120]

My best friend for the past 55 years thinks I'm crazy ( though she could use some help too since she is weighing in at 300+)

My hubby thinks its drastic and I should try another diet (right, the last diet got me where I'm at now, 210)

I have the full support of friends and my children and grandchildren, and that is where I lean for courage. I know my hubby will help me at home but I also know I can't count on him to be a cheer section.

I've just had to put my big girl panties on (and are they BIG now LOL) and walk tall and do this FOR ME!

I'm 67 years old, it's about time I did something just for me! Selfish little me!

BE STRONG!!!

[PinkPolkadot619 337]

I took my family to the seminar, and they were a little more scared than before. But after a lot of questions and arguments and a lot of tears on my end I told them I was doing this and they could either support me or not. In the end I had surgery and some were more supportive than others, but after I am still me. I am still their family and they love me. Maybe that part of my life I just don't share as much with but truthful I talk about what I want and don't care. I have been very successful and am so incredibly healthy there is nothing they can say. What? It won't work....really? because I lost 115lbs. you wont be healthy, really because my labs are more healthy than EVER and defiantly more healthy than yours.......still have more to say?? how's that diet coming...again.

People often don't like change and it is a fear of the unknown. Not only the risk of surgery but the unknown of how things will turn out. You changing your lifestyle and being successful sometimes intimidates others.

There are so many possibilities, but in the end you need to do it for you and no one else.

[toler48 120]

@@PinkPolkadot619

BRAVO!! I couldn't have said it better!

You ARE strong, and healthy and beautiful!

[*Lexie* 1,486]

Here's the thing, they can't talk you out of it after you have it. The longer you wait, the harder they'll try. But once it's over, they'll come around.

As for the easy way out comment, I would encourage others to have their root canal (insert any painful procedure here) without numbing medication because after all, isn't that taking the easy way out??

[toler48 120]

@@*Lexie*

That is a great comparrison to make. Maybe add child birth? I honestly think this is the hardest thing I have done since giving birth. It is not an easy way out, no way!

[Mini_me007 121]

This was a post by @@lisacaron today: "The first step in getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." I understand that you love your family, but am I right in assuming you are doing this for you? You don't need permission. Standing up for yourself can be hard, but if your health is suffering, the best person to stand up for you is YOU! Wishing you the best of luck.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

You can't change people. You can only control you. Trying to change folk's minds is an exercise in futility. Don't ask them for support they aren't prepared to give. It's family so you can't cut them out of your life. What you can do is make family occasions about something other than your WLS. If you need to talk WLS, save it for the relatives who have had it.

[Mountaingal 322]

So sorry that even with family members that have been successful with WLS that your family is not behind you. As others have said you can't make them support you. It sounds as if you have made efforts to gain to their support and even rescheduled your surgery. Now you can only take care of yourself and hope as they see the results, a healthier and happier you that they will support you. I waited five extra years for my surgery as my husband was not for the idea. Five years of carrying around the extra weight. Eventually one day the idea came to the forefront of my mind yet again and I decided I was going to do it with or without his support. Imagine my surprise when I stood up for myself and he gave me his blessing and has been a great support for me. He has been there every step of the way. What changed his mind? Who knows I am not sure he does. Look after you first and think of them second. Good luck.

[umo 86]

I say you let them get on the other side as they see you transform to the person you want to be.

I chose not to tell anyone in my family just because only I have been obese and known the toll it has had on me. There are somethings that are just personal and just need your personal validation.

Do what is best for you, it is your journey the rest should catch up.

Now schedule that surgery and start living, we will be here to cheer you on! All the best

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

I concur with the above posters that you cannot change anyone's mind, especially not with your words. But in time maybe with your deeds. Just remember that you are the only one who is responsible for your choices, not them. They don't have to live in your body, you do. I am very sorry to hear that you don't have their full support, but I don't really understand why that caused you to reschedule your surgery. Its YOUR decision. Stop asking them for their acceptance and approval, and instead love, accept, and approve of yourself. Lean on Aunt and Uncle for their support (or other supportive people) if needed, but even if you did not have their support this is still your decision, and there are "support groups" (like this one) if you need support. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You don't have to tell them to "F-em", just say "I appreciate your concern, but my decision has been made, the surgery has been scheduled, and I am doing what I have to do to take care of myself.' And if they try to talk you out of it just repeat "I appreciate your concern" up to about three times, and if they don't back off then you can politely change the subject or excuse yourself from the room, table, event, visit, etc. Your decision is honestly between you and your doctor and is no one else's beeswax. If you keep putting other's needs before your own, well, I can't speak for you of course but that is what got me to the point that I so desperately needed WLS. Part of my recovery is taking care of myself and taking responsibility for myself and my own decisions.

[♥dreamable 189]

...., but I don't really understand why that caused you to reschedule your surgery. Its YOUR decision.

It was because I am a single mother of 4 children and without my families help, I wouldn't have anyone to take care of my kids (the youngest is only 2) for the 3 or 4 days I will be in the hospital. They threw such a stink and basically everyone who would have been able to watch them, refused to help because they were against the surgery. I now have a different plan set in place for the kids instead of relying on family. (First surgery date was much sooner than expected so I didn't have time to make the preparations in advance and needed my family to help), I also work for the family business, so I was getting a hard time about taking the time off because last year I broke my tail bone and was off work for almost 10 weeks, There was a lot to it. While they aren't on board with me still, they at least are keeping their mouths shut (aside from the constant barrage of, "you should try this diet with me!").

Thank you

[linedancer718 44]

I wrote a very heartfelt letter to my family about what my life was like in my current body. I wrote about the things I couldn't do and wanted to do. I was honest and sincere. Maybe try that.