I don't see what other people see, but I'm trying (before & after pictures)

[wicked 61]

I'll be 4 months out of surgery tomorrow (well today, since it's 3:00 am) and so far I lost 65 lbs. I'm thrilled about the number, but in all honesty I struggle to see what other people see. I look in the mirror and I see the same huge person.

When friends and coworkers approach me and tell me, "You look small!" my first thought is that they are making fun of me. I usually answer, "Thank you, but I think what you meant is that I look smaller, not small." I still have a lot of weight to lose to be at a healthy place so when people use words like "small" I struggle to believe that they are sincere.

In an effort to cultivate positive thinking, however, I went shopping today and took pictures of myself for the first time since surgery.

I then put old and new pictures side by side to remind me that I am getting smaller and that I'm slowly but surely walking away from the old me (at least on the outside).

When did you start to see yourself the way other people did?

Edited September 13, 2015 by wicked

[funredneckgal 17]

You look incredible! I hope my surgery helps me as much. I wouldn't let people's opinions get to you. Everybody has one and they generally aren't trying to be mean but sometimes it comes out that way. Keep on track, you are doing amazing. Keep me posted as I'm pre op I'm soaking up all the information I can.

[Djmohr 6,965]

Can you see it now?

You look fantastic and it is only going to get better from here! Congratulations on such significant progress.

How do you feel? If it is anything like me, I bet you feel pretty great now too.

[wicked 61]

Thank you both for the kind words!

How do you feel? If it is anything like me, I bet you feel pretty great now too.

I do feel good, but I still can only see the difference if I look at the side-by-side pictures. If I look in the mirror, I see myself just a little bit smaller than before (even though intellectually I know that 65 lbs is not "just a little bit," and plus it's 66 lbs as of this morning ).

I don't know why the mirror reflects a different image to me than the pictures do, but I trust the process. I still have many steps to this journey and maybe I need to still give a proper goodbye to the person whom I have seen in the mirror for so many years before I can see what other people see.

Thank you for the encouragement! It helps tremendously!!

Edited September 13, 2015 by wicked

[Spiceyfrog 269]

Congratulations, you look great! I would have guessed you lost ALOT more than 65, so keep up the good work!!

[Trayjay33 138]

You look great and I agree with the previous poster it seems like you lost more than 65 pounds. Either way good job!

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I think you might have a touch of body dysmorphia going on. It's obvious, looking at your pics, that you look AMAZING. I think sometimes, especially if you've been overweight your whole life like I have, that when people comment and say "you look small" you feel like they are just taunting or teasing because we've heard it so much. People just love to say things to hurt and it's to the point you don't really feel like you trust what they say, but yet, you can't trust what your head says either, because it's been beating you up longer than that. I honestly don't feel fat, for the most part, when I'm walking around. I know that sounds shocking to people that at nearly 400lbs I don't KNOW that I am, but I don't until I look in the mirror, or bump into something, or someone makes a rude comment. In that moment, all the weight is crashing down on top of me, but when I'm just me alone, I don't feel it, so when I do lose weight, I STILL don't feel it. People will say "oh you've lost weight" or "oh you look so great" but I don't feel any different. I still see and feel me from the same way I did before and it feels almost ingenuine I guess that they say that, because I don't see the difference. I'm sure this is going to be a long struggle, but I hope you can look at your pictures and see how well you have done and how amazing you are. Sometimes, I think it helps to see the person by maybe covering up your head with a post it note and just look at the body of that person in the pics. You'll clearly see how well she's done and then when you take the post it note off and see your face maybe you'll see that it is you! <3

[LIL BIT 0]

You look great. You look much smaller. I am 10 years post surgery, 120 pounds and I still look in the mirror sometimes and believe I am still fat, that is your mind. I had been the fat girl from the ages of 9 - 24 sometimes you brain holds on to that. I think of it as the same way an anorexic person will look in the mirror and see fat when she is nothing but bones. Your mental image of yourself is hard to change. Other days I look in the mirror and really see myself as I really am. I love those days. Also you are probably not used to hearing genuine complements especially about your body. Even if you doubt them when you hear them, smile and say thank you. Don't do the 'thank you but' thing. Losing the weight after surgery is easy, having your mind let go of who you were and accepting who you are now is a bit trickier and takes longer.

Enjoy the compliments!

[wicked 61]

Thanks everyone for the kind (and wise) words!

[Mila48 9]

I totally understand how your feeling. But until I put an old pic next to a new pic then I seen it! And also when I had to buy new smaller undergarments now that's when I jumped for joy!!!

[HappyValleyHappy 48]

I learned something many years ago. When you try on clothes and really want to know how they look on your body, look in the mirror with it adjusted so you can't see your head or face. It truly changes your perspective.

Do the same thing with the pics. Take shots without your head in the picture. I have a scarf hanging over the top of my full length mirror.

It sounds strange but it really works.

[micmt 120]

It's a common feeling after fighting weight your whole life. I myself feel the same way and I'm about 11 months out and down 135 lbs. I still feel fat although I have not been this weight for as long as I remember. I'm in 34 pants from 46. Everyone tells me I look great. But I feel like I could lose another 20-30 lbs. I know though that if I did I would be unhealthy as I'm 6'4 weighing in at 190 now. Sometimes 188. Imagine if I was 160 or 170. Holy cow.

You look amazing in your recent picts. One step at a time. It's all self image right now. I hope mine will eventually go away. But then again I think that's what's helping me keep the weight off. But it's a fine line of too much or not enough.

[jsan 0]

Wicked,

Thank you for this post! I am not alone. I have lost almost 100lbs since 3/2014 and yet when I have to buy a size 5 in the JR dept just to get jeans that fit I stand in the dressing room and cry beacuse all I see is a fat person staring back. I can't comprehend what other people see and it's so frustrating. When they say "you're so thin" I'm thinking what are they lookng at?? It has started affecting every part of my life including my marriage and I'm at a loss of what to do.