I'm tired, this is hard, waaaaaaaaaa

[bellabloom 2,467]

For me it's scar tissue built up inside of my sleeve that is closing it up so nothing can pass.

[Daisee68 2,493]

Yep, and I had RNY and got the stricture. The picture they gave me from the endoscopy is AMAZING! Seriously, it was a tiny pin hole left open. I don't know how anything was getting through.

@@bellabloom - I am glad you are seeing a therapist and working through all this. I hope you didn't hear judgement in my tone at all, because it certainly wasn't meant that way. I too know that I will struggle with this. I was just saying to my sister that while I know the scale says 75 pounds down, and I know I am thinner (I can see it in the mirror, not just in my clothes), but it is still very difficult to comprehend. Mostly that I am down 75 pounds and still am as big as I am. Just keep seeing that therapist and talking about it. You are a beautiful girl! It will click someday - I'm just sure of it!

But please, get the stricture taken care of. I truly understand you not wanting to have one more procedure, but as I am sure you know, it truly only takes like 10 or 15 minutes of being under and then it is done. You do not want to end up unhealthy. That completely defeats the whole purpose of the surgery - which was to get healthy. If you are not keeping in your nutrition (which you are not if you are vomiting protein), then you will lose muscle mass, bone strength, all kinds of things. The "ideal" number on the scale just isn't worth that.

I will stop nagging and leave you to decide on your own now, but just please keep in mind that HEALTH is your number 1 priority. Please do not become a sad statistic of this gift we are given with WLS.

[Daisee68 2,493]

Ok, wait I have one more thing to say. As I was saying, I was telling my sister today about my milestone of 75 pounds and she asked me if I had a goal weight. I don't so much other than my surgeon told me on my first consult that she would like to see me get under 200 pounds (I am 5'10") but I would have to work hard for that, so that has sort of been my goal. Then I realized that to not be classified as "overweight", I would have to be more like 165 pounds. So I shared that with my sister who is a 5' 6" bombshell with a killer body and she said "NO WAY! I weigh 142. 165 is way too thin for you!" Now I am not going to let her dictate that but nor am I going to let my scale dictate that. I don't care what any of my drs say about BMI. As long as it gets close, I am going to be good with that. (I know, I know I say that now....) But my point is, I really appreciated the perspective she gave me on weight. I have never been thin, so I don't know really what "weight" would be an ideal weight for me. But if I can assume I will have a shape similar to my sister (hourglass with an amazing BUTT! )​, then I can see that realistically, 165 may very well be too small for me. That is still a ways off, so I will worry about it later, but meanwhile, I just wanted to share the perspective I got on weight today. Have you ever been on mybodygallery.com? It is really interesting. You can plug in your height and weight and body shape and see others shaped similarly. It definitely gives perspective. (It will also tell you how many women either lie about their clothing size or just wear the wrong Damn size, but that is a post for another day....)

[pindoctor 49]

Dear Beliobloom,

Thanks for calling me out about the chocolate chip cookie dough. You are right it is too early to slip up. I had terrible diarrhea after the fact this AM to remind me again that I made a bad decision. Live and learn.

[bellabloom 2,467]

Ok, wait I have one more thing to say. As I was saying, I was telling my sister today about my milestone of 75 pounds and she asked me if I had a goal weight. I don't so much other than my surgeon told me on my first consult that she would like to see me get under 200 pounds (I am 5'10") but I would have to work hard for that, so that has sort of been my goal. Then I realized that to not be classified as "overweight", I would have to be more like 165 pounds. So I shared that with my sister who is a 5' 6" bombshell with a killer body and she said "NO WAY! I weigh 142. 165 is way too thin for you!" Now I am not going to let her dictate that but nor am I going to let my scale dictate that. I don't care what any of my drs say about BMI. As long as it gets close, I am going to be good with that. (I know, I know I say that now....) But my point is, I really appreciated the perspective she gave me on weight. I have never been thin, so I don't know really what "weight" would be an ideal weight for me. But if I can assume I will have a shape similar to my sister (hourglass with an amazing BUTT! )​, then I can see that realistically, 165 may very well be too small for me. That is still a ways off, so I will worry about it later, but meanwhile, I just wanted to share the perspective I got on weight today. Have you ever been on mybodygallery.com? It is really interesting. You can plug in your height and weight and body shape and see others shaped similarly. It definitely gives perspective. (It will also tell you how many women either lie about their clothing size or just wear the wrong Damn size, but that is a post for another day....)

I didn't think you were judging me. I'm here to hear what other people have to say. I'm fine with being told others thoughts. I've love your posts thank you!!

[bellabloom 2,467]

Dear Beliobloom,

Thanks for calling me out about the chocolate chip cookie dough. You are right it is too early to slip up. I had terrible diarrhea after the fact this AM to remind me again that I made a bad decision. Live and learn.

Who am I to scold anyway. I drink alcohol and eat Taco Bell. course I'm below goal weight! Hang in there, stay strong, get to goal weight, and chocolate will perhaps be an occasional indulgence that you can handle. But now isn't the time!

[Thinside 155]

Hi Bellabloom, no advice for you other than to follow Daisee68's advice! But I wanted to just say my thoughts are with you and I hope you'll find your way to a healthy, happy and joyful life. You deserve it!

[joatsaint 2,814]

Hey bella,

I'm sorry to hear you're having complications. And hope you get through them.

I too fear regain. I use that fear as a tool to keep myself mindful and in choosing to eat the right things.

But at the same time, I try not to let that fear take me so far that I don't eat enough.

Get my free eBook - The Top 10 WLS Fears and How to Kick Their Butt!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I can't give medical advice, but constant vomiting does not seem like a healthy, happy way to live. Speaking for myself, I got WLS to improve my life not make it miserable. I fear regain too... don't get me wrong... but I think you should really do what's best for your long term health.

[bellabloom 2,467]

It's not constant anymore. It's gotten so much better. Mostly I'm just running into trouble if I drink while I eat it if I eat too fast. Thank you everyone for your input. It's definitely a hard process

[lealor 127]

So sorry you are dealing with this, my heart goes out to you, I understand your fears, but from one extreme to another is crazzzyyyyyy! I a glad you have a therapist and I do agree with Babbs, the word HEALTH is the biggest part of this frickin journey, not just the :fat and skinny: I too am on this journey, new only 3 weeks out and holy moly I did not realize what a food aholic I am!!! and how my mind and body ended up the way it did.....big and heavy and sad. Are you taking Extra Vitamins? IV's from a healthcare professionals (holistic) offer Vitamin Iv's.....just a thought..

Sending you warm thoughts,

[gayebe511 2]

Hi Bella, I don't have much to offer but words of encouragement..My weight loss journey has been a long slow process but i can tell that you are going to be a success at this. I don't understand whether you are phycally tired or emotionally tired but don't give up. You are weathering this storm and THIS TO WILL PASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are the little engine that CAN. Good Luck.

[stacyg1 136]

Keep up the good work and sorry to hear you are having complications. I am 9 days post op and doing well although I haven't pushed myself that hard physically. I felt compelled to answer you because I was feeling guilty today about slipping a bit and having a few bites of chocolate chip cookie dough. Just enjoy that your sleeve is working well and preventing you from overeating. From your description it sounds like perhaps you are eating too much carbohydrate. Try to up the Proteins a bit. Good luck!

I always have to laugh to myself when someone who is at goal or below basically is proclaiming the beginnings of or already have a full on eating disorder and posters are always like "Wow you look great! Keep up the great work!"

Enjoy the restriction?? She has a STRICTURE that keeps her from eating properly for God's sake!

SMH

OMG, thank you, Babbs for writing what I was thinking. I was reading this on my computer but wasn't logged in and couldn't respond so I had to grab my phone. The OP is talking about a medical complication that restricts her eating and, I'm my opinion, is showing signs of an eating disorder and you're congratulating a job well done??? No offense, but someone 9 days post op who's snacking on chocolate chip cookie dough is not in any position to offer advice to someone with a medical complication.

OP, I hope you listen to others and go have your stricture taken care of. Your life will take a turn for the better when you can eat with restriction and not be afraid of being sick. I am 15 months post surgery, have lost 130 lbs and my surgeon is so concerned that I'm malnourished that they are monitoring my food intake and making me meet with the program's psych so I don't spiral out of control. I'm sure you had surgery to improve your life and health and I'm afraid that you won't reach that goal if you don't address the problem. Good luck to you!

Babbs, keep on keeping on . . . You rock!

Edited September 15, 2015 by stacyg1

[bellabloom 2,467]

Babbs is very opinionated and one can tell she is a very smart lady! thanks everyone. It's a tough process and that's why I'm on this board and in therapy.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

Eat dense, soft Proteins, even proteins that are akin to slider foods. You must do this to preserve your muscles and vital organ function. Are you still taking your Multivitamin? Those play a huge role in how effectively your macronutrient intake serves you, and you should take them for life.