Still being judged after death

[QuilterGal 216]

A woman who worked at my organization died suddenly last week at the age of 67. She was morbidly obese. She was in the health care field and people used to comment about how ironic it was that she was a health care researcher but was so overweight. I thought that was pretty catty. Today I was telling another coworker about the woman's death and she said, "Well, I'm sure she had a lot of health problems, you know..." and just trailed off. I knew she wanted to say "because she was morbidly obese" but she stopped because I have just had RNY. No one really knows why this woman died. Everyone is assuming it was because of her weight. I know that obesity can cause significant health issues. That's one of the reasons why I had my surgery. But it just struck me as strange that, even in death, this woman, who held a PhD, is still being judged.

[ByeByeAdipose 34]

That's horrible. People are so mean.

[gowalking 10,790]

I don't know that she was being judged or if it was more observational. I'm the first to call out something mean or catty but I don't know that this was either....

[SkinnyDown 409]

Believe me, everyone is or was talking about us too just like that and worse....

If you're too fat, if you've made great strides to lose, if you look like hell or fantastic...people just love to talk. I generally think the worst offenders are those who have nothing better going on in their lives or who lead miserable lives. They spend extraordinary amounts of time gossiping, talking, etc.

As it is, I do have something better going on...off to Open Mic, to host, and to sing!

I'm sorry about your co-worker. Someday maybe we'll be judged more about who we are as people, not how we look.

[James Marusek 5,244]

This reminds me of another story. Dr. Robert Adkins introduced the world to low carb diets. One day he slipped and fell on the ice injuring his head. That sent him to the hospital in a coma for which he never recovered. His body was pumped full of fluids (like ours during surgery) and when he finally died, he weighed significantly more than when he entered the hospital. A vegetarian advocacy group called Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) surreptitiously obtained a copy of his private medical records and used it to attack a dead man, Dr. Adkins and the Adkin's diet. [They then apparently made false claims that he was obese at the time of his death, that his diet didn't work and that he died of a heart attack.]

That's low!

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2004-02-10-atkins-health_x.htm

[Roux2011-1 12]

This world is so cruel.. Wow

[sweettea 300]

I think people talk bad about other people, because that's how they feel about themselves. They want to bring you down to their level.

[Roux2011-1 12]

You're so right

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Primates!

It's hard to civilize them.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

If it wasn't being fat, it would be something else. People like to gossip.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

QuilterGal, while im truly sorry for the loss of your co worker, I have to agree with Go walking, I dont see this as catty at all. I know no one knows how she died, but the fact that she was a health care researcher, and obese too, is a fact. Not to be disrespectful but I dont see it as catty, but as a fact. As far as your other co workers comment " She had alot of health problems," (that may or may not be obesity related) that may of contributed to her death, again I see it as observational, not mean spirted. You may be more sensitive to the weight issue because of your WLS, maybe not. And possibly the shock of her passing unexpectedly brings up to others the more " seen " health/obesity issue, and not her more "unseen" PhD. Again, Im not trying to be disrespectfull in any way towards your loss, I just dont see this situation as "catty", although I wasn't there in person, and you were. Hope your day goes well, my condolences to all.

[QuilterGal 216]

I disagree. It is catty to repeatedly make comments about someone's weight, no matter what they do. That she was a health policy expert doesn't mean that she didn't have the same struggles as so many other people in regard to weight.

[lisacaron 5,075]

I think we are all human and when someone dies we (none of us) really understand it. We can go through the "reasons" medical, health, weight, but most of the time it doesn't help us to cope with the loss of life.

We want to villianize weight as unhealthy and yet there are many who are overweight and yet very healthy with all their vitals and blood work in line. How many of our young have died suddenly as athletes on a ball field or singing their hearts out literally? We don't focus on their weight, but we might take a negative focus to the way their health care provider, pediatrician, school or even their parents didn’t take notice that something was wrong enough to cause death.

Death is as unexplainable as life. We don’t know what breathes life into us though we can have faith in a great God, we can explain the mechanics through science of what we know and understand life to be but what do we really know when we boil all that away?

Some people need wear their judgments like they need to wear a jacket against the cold. It keeps them comfortable when the elements are less than ideal. We may not like the color, the shape or the material of them, but we are not forced to wear it.

I am sorry for your loss, and hope you can find comfort in knowing that you are not out in the cold alone with an ugly jacket to wear cause we are all here keeping you warm J

[losing_the_band 133]

I don't see it as being particularly catty, either. She was being informed of the woman's death, and was basically stating that it wasn't a shock due to the woman's health. It would be like being informed of a mutual acquaintance's death from a heart attack and saying, "Well, heart conditions run in his family."