Oh the "Advice"

[QuilterGal 216]

I had RNY July 27. Since then, my weight loss has become pretty noticeable. I'm close to 60# lost, pre and post-op. However, this success has not stopped people from provided unsolicited "advice" about what I'm eating. As in, "You shouldn't be eating that" or "Are you sure you should eat that?" The two biggest offenders are my parents. I finally had to tell them to stop telling me what to eat, that I know what I am doing. I'm 47 years old, for Pete's sake!

Another rant -- I did not tell a lot of people about my WLS, but I did let my folks know. My mother promised to not tell anyone about it, but I'm find out that she is telling all of her friends and now family members. This is MY decision, not hers, on who to tell about this. It just totally pisses me off. I went through this process, not her. I did the work, not her. This is MY story, not hers, especially because she always spins it with, "oh, she needed the surgery. She was really heavy."

Rant over.

[jmw1982 59]

I can completely relate. I didn't tell my family because I knew that not only would they not be supportive, but would intentionally try to sabotage me.

[theatrejo 29]

@@QuilterGal My mom does that kind of crap. So I get it. Its MY news.

And yes, the advice sucks. The biggest offenders in my life are actually other WLS friends. And I've found that everyone has different rules depending on their dr and nutritionist. So, everyone say, 'my dr wouldn't let me eat that.' etc. Its very annoying. Im following my Dr and Nutritionist and saying to hell with everyone else's expert opinion.

[Djmohr 6,965]

All I can say is UGH! This is the danger especially when it comes to your family members.

I love my father n law to death. He is a very sweet person normally but he is in his late 80's and sick as heck with type 2 diabetes. He is close to losing his limbs due to poor diet and lack of adherence to the fact that he is a diabetic.

He was always very quick to point out when some woman in particular was heavier. Well, he never said it directly to me and he loves me very much but when he would say something rude of course I knew he likely felt the same about me.

Now, I am down over 120lbs and to him I look thin. I swear every time I see him he first compliments me on how thin I look and then follows it by asking if I would like a piece of cherry pie, chocolate chip Cookies or ice cream. All 3 some of my favorite treats.

He knows that I chose not to eat like that any longer and he tells me he is sorry that I cannot and when I eat in front of him and eat my 1/2 cup of food he says, that's a shame that you cannot eat what you love.

I remind him that I love what I eat and especially love the fact that I get full fast and stay full longer.

He tells me constantly that I should eat more. I want to say, love you Dad but remember all those times you would see an obese person and call them a cow or a fat ass? Well, I know what really is in your head.

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

I told my co-workers and only a couple friends. I will never tell my family for those same reasons. I know from past experience that they would be the worst. I cannot wait until Christmas when I see them because they have harped on me my whole life about my weight and I am currently at 91 pounds lost and hope to be down close to 130-150 by then. I cannot wait to see my step-,others jaw drop to the floor.

Surgery of any kind is a personal and private matter and who you choose to share with is your business. When you confide in someone it is not their story to share. So sorry you feel a bit out of control of the situation, but hold your head high and Celebrate your success!!

[roundisashape 712]

Oh yeah. As soon as my weight loss became noticeable all of a sudden everyone seemed to have an opinion about what I should do. I'm...doing...something...that works. I have a family member I haven't spoken to since 1996 who said she wanted to catch up. We got on the phone, and there was a 3rd person on there and they hit me with a sales pitch for a weight loss program since, "well, you're losing weight and this will help you do it faster!"

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Smile and say, "I am SO tired of talking about my weight. Let's talk about yours instead!"

[QuilterGal 216]

I had a friend who had WLS three weeks before me. He had the sleeve. We had him over for a BBQ two weeks ago and as I was putting veggies on my plate, he was staring at me. STARING at me. I finally looked up at him and he said, "I can't believe how much food you are going to eat." Now, I can eat fresh veg and fruit much easier than Protein. Much easier. But I was just stunned that he was judging me, a fellow WLS patient! I almost snapped back at him and said, "I'm not the one drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers six weeks out since my surgery. Butt out."

[devillynn 193]

People just absolutely irritate me. Mind your own business folks. I hate when they tell me what their doctors say or what i should be eating or drinking - my favorite are the ones who say that it is ok for me to drink cokes when i decline one - like that will make me change my mind....i do what i do for a reason and it works for me. i also hate it when i hear other people telling others that i've had surgery like it's no big deal and that is why I've lost all this weight and no other reason - i didn't watch what i ate - i didn't exercise - i JUST had surgery. jerks. I really try not to let them get to me because there are always going to be those kinds of people - especially when they are your relatives - and unfortunately I have them too! Keep up the hard work and don't let the muggles get you down!

[Cheri_j 117]

People are naturally curious. Parents want to brag about their children's accomplishments - even weight loss - because they are proud of you. They tell you that you shouldn't be eating that because they care and they don't want to see you fail. They probably have seen you fail at other diets and maybe they don't understand how the bypass works. It is your decision on who you tell. But your mom must be bursting at the seams with pride for how well you've done. Maybe if you sit them down and explain more in detail about your surgery and the do's and don'ts.

There are those who try to sabotage us. My ex husband is a good example. He felt that if I lost weight, he would lose control over me. Others are jealous or uncomfortable with your weight loss and will try to undo what you've done by trying to feed you what you shouldn't have. Then there are the feeders. That's how they show love - by shoving food at you.

Instead of getting angry and all stressed out (that makes me hungry), try to figure out the person's motivations and approach the situation by explaining how their actions make you feel.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

Isn't it sad that some people have nothing better to do than pick out things to pick about???? They need a hobby. In the meantime, ENJOY who you are, what you have done to help yourself, and plan GREAT things for your future....you have given yourself one!!!!

[newmebithebypass 713]

There is a reason I'm not telling my older brother because he rags on every diet attempt I have ever tried

[SkinnyDown 409]

You do have to sadly, be careful who you share things with. I naturally expected the support of my entire family. I did not get that, initially. I think now they are seeing serious results and changing their minds, and some of my family are very supportive, which I am so grateful for.

You would think, people who love you...family, friends, would be happier for you, or more supportive, or even know how to act, and not ask such private questions.

One of my sisters who in all other aspects has been extremely supportive, said to me the other day...."Get ready for the wrinkles!" I was confused. I asked what she meant. She was referring to my face and losing weight and sagging wrinkly double chins, and face skin etc. Now, I know I am going to be 50 in November, but I actually have pretty good facial skin. I thought for awhile....as I sat there, wow, that was mean. Then I got bold and told her that it was mean, and to mind her own wrinkles, and with her fair skin I can see them even more, and from a distance. LOL Sisters! She had to know I was going to give it back to her.

I'm learning to get bolder, and stick up for myself more, that's for sure!

[QuilterGal 216]

Like I said, everyone thinks they are being "helpful." But honestly, I do not need my food monitored. Or how slowly I eat. My father asked me if there was anything wrong this past weekend because it took me an hour to eat 4 oz of a hamburger patty. In this instance, husband piped up and said that there was nothing wrong, that I was just eating the way I need to post surgery. I am just getting tired with the repeated questioning.

Edited September 10, 2015 by QuilterGal