got kids?

[carmar23 10]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could give advice regarding how having WLS affected your kids? I have a 3yo girl and 5mo old boy. I'm having gastric bypass later this month. I wonder about what to tell my 3yo. I wonder about how they will handle the surgery itself and not seeing them for 2+ days. I wonder about how the first few weeks will affect them as they watch me recover from surgery and the changes I will be going through. And I wonder about how this will affect them down the road psychologically, watching me eat different from everyone else and hearing me talk about it as they grow up. Any advice from those who have gone through this with young kids would be greatly appreciated!

[rnwrny 15]

My son was 6 when I had the surgery. We lied to him about what exactly I had done, he knew I had surgery but we were vague about what surgery I had so that he wouldn't blab to my inlaws. He visited me in the hospital and I went home on the 2nd day, only spending one night instead of 2. I don't talk about it too much in front of him, on the rare occasion he notices I'm eating differently I just say it's what my stomach likes now. For the most part I don't think it's a huge difference between what my husband and son eat and what I eat, I just eat a lot less and usually stick with the Protein portion with a bit of veggies. They get bigger portions and more sides but he doesn't pay enough attention to care. When he gets past the blabbing stage I'll probably be honest with him about the surgery.

[eowynmn 3]

I'm very open and honest w my 4 and 7 yr old boys. I just told them Saturday "you know how mommy is really big? Well that's not very healthy, and I need to have a surgery to help me be a healthier person". They were like "ok, can I play mine craft?"

[Summermonkey 22]

Eowynmn I did the same thing. They are so happy I got it done cuz I am a much better mom now. I am healthier and so are my kids. My healthy eating has affected everyone. I am so glad I didn't wait! Mine were 4 and 7 as well.

[dancingqueene 182]

My daughter is 13 and I'm concerned about the body image issues as my mom (her grandma) is anorexic as well. She knows my weight issues come from years of binge/purge/starve b/c of what my life was like growing up. She is old enough and mature enough to understand that is something I have to do and my body has pretty much shut down from traditional ways and that I need this for better health. We talked w/ a counselor b/c of the eating disorders in my family as well b/c I was scared this would affect her negatively.

If I had young kids I, too, might not share. But...one thing we are doing is all eating the same in my family. We have always focused in eating well, exercise etc we will be tweaking our eating a bit more, but my daughter is well aware this way of eating will be for all of us. We focus on eating well for our health and heart- not just for our weight and that has always been our focus due to our family history. I try hard to instill that..it's about healthy body, mind and so on...

Edited September 7, 2015 by dancingqueene

[Summermonkey 22]

Dancing we are all about positive body image as well. I never talk about dieting or being unhappy with myself. It's all about being healthy!

[toasty 371]

My daughter just turned 9, and I told her very soon after I made the decision to have the surgery (about 7 or 8 months ago; I am 3 days away from having the surgery). My daughter is generally very sensitive, and she became very worried about it. But I told her that after the surgery Daddy would be much more healthy and eventually able to do more things with her, like riding bikes, going hiking, riding in rollercoasters, even going to a rock-climbing wall.

What I didn't say was that this way Daddy will also have a better chance of living to see her graduate, find a great guy and get married, have kids, etc. These are certainly some of the other reasons I am having this surgery, but I don't need to worry her about that right now.

I guess I tried to think of her perspective, and I tried to explain it to her in a way she could understand, so she would be able to see the positive outcomes. And I don't share any of the stuff that will scare her, like my own anxieties about the surgery. For young kids, put a positive spin on it, and they will have a positive outlook on things as well.

Finally, I have asked for her help as well. She and I go on walks together, go swimming together, and she has told me she wants to eat more healthy too. All of that is positive, and I look forward to including her on my weight loss journey.

[changingme5 27]

Maybe I'm a bad Mom but I have 3 children all under the age of ten and I didn't tell them! They talk way too much and they would worry. They just know I'm eating less and moving more...they're usually too busy eating their own meals to really pay attention to the tiny portions on my plate!

[Summermonkey 22]

We are all different. I don't think that any one way is right or wrong. You have to do what's best for your family and what's best for you. If that's what you were comfortable with than that's great! Either way they get a healthy mom out of it;)

[thbrown223 214]

I told my 8 year old daughter today. I explained that I need to fix my problem with burping so much. I know it sounds weird, but she knows it's awful because it's all the time. I normally would've waited until my date was closer, but given that she had surgery last year (removal of adenoids and tonsils), I thought she would have been ok. She immediately cried, and said she was worried. "What if something happens to you?" I explained that this is the best thing for mommy and I'll be so much better afterwards, just as she was after her surgery. She cried and cried. I reassured her that I have a great doctor and he's never made a mistake with the surgery. She asked a few more questions, but I feel bad because now I think I told her way too soon. I thought a month's notice would good for processing time. Throughout the evening she's randomly asked questions about it. I've been beating myself up over it all evening

[Summermonkey 22]

Don't beat yourself up! Keep answering her questions. Once she sees how great you do after surgery she will be excited for you:) She needs time to process. So sorry she is having a hard time.

I am excited for your surgery. It was the best thing I ever did for myself!

[LynnAlex 44]

I babysit two grandkids two days a week. One is 3 1/2 and the other is 1 1/2 years old. They both weight about 30 pounds. We told them Grandma has boo boo's and can't pick them up. I sat on the floor, and let them get on my lap. Every couple days they want to look at my boo boo's. They have a rule that they have to eat healthy, and can have some junk food after, or a couple times a day. So they are eating healthier, more cheese sticks, veggies, and fruit. They also have pretzels, donuts, or chips. When they try to feed me, my response is, "Grandma ate tooooo many before, and now I can't have any until my big belly is gone." My 3 1/2 year old will often check me if I am eating a popsicle with them, (mine are sf) I'll have to tell her, that it is okay for me, that mine come in a different package. So they know that something is different, but no worrying about the procedure.

[Sajijoma 1,324]

I have 7 kiddos and I have included them in the whole process along the way. The oldest is 13 and my youngest is 14months so obviously he doesn't understand much, but I talk to him anyway. especially how he's going to miss pulling up my shirt and hugging my fat belly! I've told all my kids that mommy wants to get healthy so we can do fun stuff like the zoo again(haven't been able to walk the zoo since after kid 4 was born). I tell them that it's going to be a little scary and mom will be in the hospital like when I had the other babies, but instead of bringing home another baby, I'll be in a lot of pain and it'll hurt. I might even cry, but It's ok. Mommy is getting her tummy fixed and it's going to take awhile to heal and sometimes it's going to hurt. I talk to them about why I am eating slow, and eating the meat first instead of the veggies like I've always told them they have to do, why I am not drinking anything with my meal, why I get made when they rub Cookies on me while I'm exercising, why we go on "death marches" as my oldest daughter refers to our walks LOL...just everything! My older kids have watched the surgery on episodes of Fat Doctor etc and my oldest actually went and watched a non-edited or sanitized version on YouTube with me. She can actually draw a diagram of what will happen even, so for her, that's how she understands. She feels like she knows this operation in and out now. For the younger ones, the 3yr old and the 5yr old, they just understand that mommy wants to get healthy and my tummy has to be "fixed" and that when I'm done, I won't be able to eat food for a long time just liquids or smush like baby food and even afterwards I can't eat the stuff they eat like their cookies because it'll make me sick. They also get a big kick out of me saying that my exercise ball is my belly and it'll shrink like this and then pull the stopper out of the ball and watch it deflate. At first it goes kinda fast, then it slows down, then when it's all deflated it has to be cut off and there's the whole pantomime thing and it's funny and they laugh.

[TXMissy 211]

At the time if surgery I had a 13 and a 9 year old. I told both of them what I was doing. My 9 year old was scared. He is also the one watching me. He questions if I can have something I'm eating. I don't make a big scene out of the obvious. My clothes, my plate, or my new body. I told them I was going to be healthier and I am. My meals don't very much from theirs. I may pass on French fries, starches or fried foods. I feel good and I think they notice that.