Perception and Shooting Our Own Wounded

[betrthnever 107]

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It's been an interesting evolution of thought for me. I started out feeling camaraderie with those who carry 200 or more extra pounds. Over time, as I figured out what worked for me, I sort of felt a little smug and self-righteous. A lot of time in therapy has helped me work out a lot of that negativity and false ego. Now I want to see everyone who struggles as human beings in need of compassion and empathy. I worry about the "Forgetter" starting to malfunction and making me forget the wrong things. I've been trying to teach it to forget things like other people's flaws, what I wanted to complain about, gossip... I worry instead it might make me forget what's waiting for me if I ever act on the desire to hide my feelings in food. I can see that happening when I lose the recognition that a human being should be treated like a human being, period.

Thank you so much for bringing this up, Folly, as I have been wondering how to approach this very topic of conversation myself. It has been playing on my mind.

I was banded 2/2008 and it was a STRUGGLE to lose the 80 pounds that I did. It took 2.5 years. I worked out like a dog 6 days a week, sometimes more then 2 hours a day. In retrospect I don't know how I managed this but I was obsessed. I became that person who said "If I can do it you can too" (my ego). I forgot that at one point when I was pregnant with my daughter (and very obese) I was trying to walk down the street and a little boy pointed at me from across the road saying "Wow lady you sure are FAT!!". I FORGOT that I was that person. When I was close to goal I was no longer an obese person, in my mind. I was only at my lowest for 2 months.

The weight came back on. I will be revising from the band to the RNY on October 5. I don't want to be that person who loses their empathy for those in the same boat. I see thing so much differently now and I think that is because I have gained my weight back. I will not ever, EVER forget the struggles of how it is like living as an obese person (I am making videos to remind myself). In my mind I will forever have to remind myself that, just as in AA, we can be recovering but we are always obese. (I do realize I have 2 different issues going on here - that you for reading!). Seeing others going through their struggles with obesity should, I hope, always remind me of what I have been through.

I think it is very bold of you to bring this up in post. Thank you!

[Buh Bye 63]

It's nice to have a post like this and see the thought processes that we work out along the way. We're working it out and I like that we can admit that our false ego can roar it's head but that's natural. It's bringing it back home is where it counts.

Great thread and thoughts! I love when I find a thread that has some good substance! Thanks for sharing it I think we're better people for having read and participated! How often can you say that from a social media forum!! ???? keepin on keepin on everyone!! Blessings! ❤️

[Folly 308]

I'm surprised so many people can relate to this topic. Thanks all :-)

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

If I'd seen that couple you described, I know that I also would have been repelled by their appearance, odor, and the contents of their shopping cart.

I don't think we feel single, simple emotions at any given time, but rather a mix of them. A big emotion I'd have felt in that situation would have been fear. At my heaviest I weighed 235 pounds, but I was still nearly immobilized. That fear of losing access to a good life was pretty terrifying. Seeing that couple would have triggered my fears.

I'd also have felt disgust, sympathy, curiosity, and schadenfreude. I'd have had the same feelings pre-op. Most of those reactions would have been the hard-wired reactions primates have to outsiders and outliers. My point is that many of our emotions aren't rational, but instinctual.

So rather than labeling my or others' feelings as "ugly," I'm interested in becoming more aware of and mindful of what I'm feeling and then exploring what that means about me and for me going forward. I'm 100% socially responsible for how I behave around others (calling them "Obeast" is beyond the pale!). But I don't know that I want to or that I even could regulate my feelings.

This is a great topic. Thank you for bringing it up. But it's a complicated subject.

[newmebithebypass 713]

I just would have felt sadness pure sadness I feel sorry for folks like them because they clearly have a problem but don't know or have given up all hope how to fix it