Scared. Having second thoughts.

[Ashlegal 525]

Good afternoon all!

First I want to commend the bravery of all you for going through with surgery, openly discussing your journey and being supportive of others. I have been around, lurking mostly, for a few months. I was denied in January and thought for sure, that was the end of that. Low and behold, I was wrong and am scheduled for surgery on Wednesday the 9th of September. Yay!

While I feel ultimately thankful for a new chapter in life, I can't help but feel nervous, anxious and am having inner dialogue that suggest I should back-out. Is that normal? Is it a sign that I should wait? I just don't know.

I love my Surgeon. He is awesome, super awesome and I know I am in good hands. I don't fear the pain, the potential discomfort or any complications; I fear a piece of me will die. food has always been a central theme in my life. I am the "chef" of the family, everyone turns to me for food advice, recipes or the occasional "I NEED YOUR HELP, I don't know how to make Cookies from scratch!" I also have some of my fondest memories with friends, family, neighbors and colleagues around a table heaping with fabulous food. It is a part of my identity and I'm scared that once I let that go, I'll have nothing.

I know that is an unreasonable sentiment as I much more than a fried chicken recipe, a raved about potluck casserole or a delicious holiday treat but I have never been known for anything else. My weight and my food are all most people will ever comment on and I guess that is why having surgery is important. I should be defined by more or have no definition at all.

Any suggestions? Thoughts or general advice?

[James Marusek 5,244]

Congratulations on being accepted for surgery. I love food, the taste of food, the smell of food. And I believe this love of food eventually caused me to gain too much weight, become obese and develop a slew of bad medical conditions. In life one needs to make trade-off. In my case it was trading my love of food for good health. I am 28 months post-op from RNY surgery and I feel the decision was the right one.

[Lemon109 16]

I understand. It's hard to think about losing the place you've always held with your family and friends. It's scary to think about what is unknown at this point. Think of how many things you will discover about yourself that you never realized before and how everyone will enjoy discovering them with you. If your family or friends are anything like mine, they'll still ask those questions and ask you to make things. The only thing you have to lose is all those unhealthy pounds, revealing the new you. You've come this far and you are strong and brave. You can be brave and scared. You can do this!

[red37 116]

Sorry you are feeling this way, it is scary going through major surgery. I am making new memories without food as a central theme, in the long run I think it is healthier for me. Of course I still love food, but not letting it control everything I do has been freeing and eye opening.

I would like to think that your friends and family will gladly choose a healthy long life for you over the unhealthy foodie you. You can still cook for family and friends, that won't go away, perhaps you will be the one to go to for fabulous healthy recipes? !

[Summermonkey 22]

I found a good therapist to start seeing after my surgery and it really helped me deal with my food addictions. It helps to go and talk things out with someone that won't judge you. I got rid of a lot of emotional garbage I had stored up and I found that I was able to cope without stuffing my face.

[TWeb 0]

Hi! I met with surgeon and after a meeting with nutrition therapist and physical therapy felt like I was making a big mistake and that I should "try harder". I don't know whether I'm being hard on my self or just too scared??

Edited September 6, 2015 by TWeb

[Lemon109 16]

@TWeb. Surgery is a big decision and like any major life change, you have to consider lots of things. I had the same question about whether or not I should just be trying harder. What I decided was to commit to doing the six months that my insurance requires in preparation for surgery approval. After about four months I knew my answer. It was a tough decision for me, I thought about a lot of things. I think what you are going through is pretty typical. Keep thinking, keep trying....you don't have to make a decision right away. My thought was I wasn't committed until I climbed onto the surgery table! Good luck on your journey.

[Summermonkey 22]

Lemon I did the same thing. Did the 6 month thing before I fully committed. I figured I could make the decision after trying to diet. I did terrible and knew I needed the surgery. No regrets!

[Lemon109 16]

@Summermonkey. That is so funny....that's exactly what made up my mind. I've been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds for two months!

[toasty 371]

I love what some of the other posters here have said, and I agree with them. Having food at the absolute center of our lives is what got us here in the first place, and is what has kept us obese. My surgery is on Sept. 11, so I'm only a few days away as well.

I understand your feelings. In my family, I have always been known for my cooking, both of meals and baking. I love cooking and making great tasting food for my family and friends.

One thing to consider, however, is that all of your cooking skills don't just have to go away. As a really good cook, you know a number of techniques that can be just as valuable post-surgery. Put that knowledge to good use developing new ways of cooking that are more healthy, flavorful, and eye-catching. Consider some of the alternatives: nonfat greek yogurt instead of mayo, pureed cooked cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes, small turkey sandwiches with cucumber slices instead of bread, etc. There are lots of places out there with great ideas that you can adapt.

One place to look is http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/. She has great ideas.

I hope you can see that we can still enjoy our craft, we just have to change the focus from high-fat, high-carb, large quantities, to a more healthy style. And remember that food, while important, is not the center of our lives anymore. We should be defined by more than the food we make or consume.

[Summermonkey 22]

Toasty I am so excited for you! I woke up so happy after surgery. I just knew my life had just changed and I was beginning my second chance. I have never regretted it. My best advice is do exactly what your doc says. Don't stray on your diet. That tends to get people in trouble. Measure everything and write it down. It helped me to write everything at first. That way I made sure I took my Vitamins and got in enough Protein and Water. I don't do that now cuz it's second nature at this point. Keep us posted! Can't wait to see how you do!

[toasty 371]

Thanks @@Summermonkey! I am really excited, and I am allowing myself only happy thoughts about the surgery. I am definitely going to take your advice. I have a great doc and NUT (I email her just about every day and she responds usually same day), and I have so far had no problem following their guidance.

Thanks for all the positive vibes!