Husband rant!

[taysidebell 176]

My partner is not big on compliments new clothes are fine or ok but sometimes he notices small things but he not changed just our expectation have. Try a quiet word about how you feel x

[Babbs 14,681]

@

You are exactly right. Like I said, my husband isn't a mind reader. How does he know what I want from him if I don't TELL him what I want?

Like you said, keep it simple. We females like to complicate things way too much!

[dhrguru 1,238]

@

You are exactly right. Like I said, my husband isn't a mind reader. How does he know what I want from him if I don't TELL him what I want?

Like you said, keep it simple. We females like to complicate things way too much!

You know what will happen if I gently tell him I need his verbal support, he'll ask me why. I know this from other experiences of verbalizing a need from him. Then I'll be lectured in how I shouldn't have gone into surgery relying on support from others. On the rare occurrence that I won't get this lecture, he'll compliment right then and there, and never again. That's fake. I may as well send myself flowers.

So I chose to rant. I've been married more than 10 years, I completely know the level of asinine thinking I'm connected to.

[Awjones28 320]

@

You are exactly right. Like I said, my husband isn't a mind reader. How does he know what I want from him if I don't TELL him what I want?

Like you said, keep it simple. We females like to complicate things way too much!

You know what will happen if I gently tell him I need his verbal support, he'll ask me why. I know this from other experiences of verbalizing a need from him. Then I'll be lectured in how I shouldn't have gone into surgery relying on support from others. On the rare occurrence that I won't get this lecture, he'll compliment right then and there, and never again. That's fake. I may as well send myself flowers.

So I chose to rant. I've been married more than 10 years, I completely know the level of asinine thinking I'm connected to.

Well damnit come get your compliments from us! Lol you look good girl! Congrats on the decision for surgery and your recent weight loss !!! Keep it going! Operation coke bottle in full effect!

* I will post this regularly for those of us with clueless husbands* ????????????

[VDB 800]

I second AWJONES28 ... you look great! Over 65 pounds, that is a real loss....

[dhrguru 1,238]

Thank you awjones and John!

[McButterpants 2,846]

So I am going to approach this from a different angle...My weight was never an issue for my husband. He was concerned about my health, but never ever said anything about my weight. He truly loved me when I was at my lowest (the day we met) and loved me at my heaviest (the day I decided to have surgery).

While he supports me, he's not he rah-rah type of a guy who makes a big deal out of things - I had surgery, I worked hard to lose weight and come to terms with my food addiction. Every once in a while, like every other leap year, he gives me an "I'm proud of you comment" or "I'm glad you had surgery", but it's not like he celebrates every 1/4 pound weight loss with me.

My husband wrote this for my blog at my 7 week post op mark. Is still brings tears to my eyes now...This helps me sometimes when I think he needs to "be more supportive" - he is supportive, just in his own way.

From Mr. McButterpants:
The wife recently asked me to write a little something for her blog. Not much on writing more than witty quips in response to my friends Facebook posts, my first response was a “oh sure” and then to politely ignore the request. It’s a tactic that works I’d say 75% of the time. I was hoping that she would be so excited (or distraught) about weight loss/lack of weight loss/not pooping/pooping/someone else pooping or not pooping, she’d forget that she asked. So a week passed and then I get a, “So I’d really like you to write a post for my blog. You know, from the spouses point of view.” I thought I was home free with her focus on the stall. Guess not.

My wife’s weight has never really been an issue for me. We met over the phone and had a 3000-mile long distance relationship before the Internet and unlimited phone service. We worked in the same industry and developed a relationship over months of hours-long, bank-account-crushing phone calls. We have always said that if we had come across each other in a bar or other typical meeting place, we wouldn’t have been each other’s type, physically. Since we fell in love before we ever met, we got what we got. Which by the way, I was pretty happy with upon our first meeting. So when she informed me of her thoughts on surgery I tried hard to keep the slack jawed WTF look off my face as much as I could. I initially thought, “Your going to cut out most of your stomach just to lose a few pounds. What?” What I didn’t realize is that it wasn’t a few pounds. Much like your surprise when someone comments on how much your child has grown because they only see him once a year, I hadn’t noticed she had gained a hundred pounds since we first met. She had always just been my wife, my best friend, the person I would spend a long wonderful life with. My attachment to her has always been so much more than physical, and when I look at her I still see that 25-year-old girl I fell in love with. So when she told me how much she weighed I thought, “Holy shit, when did that happen?”

My blessing of the surgery wasn’t without hesitation. I know what obesity does to a body over time and have witnessed it first hand in my father and mother-in-law. The breaking down of joints, the insulin injections, heart issues and on and on…I know, preaching to the choir. But what if something happens during surgery and I lose the love of my life? What if our boy loses his mother? The mere thoughts made my heart hurt. How would I ever cope if something tragic actually happened? But you can’t live life on the basis that something bad MIGHT happen. Its what kept my mother from fully experiencing life and I always hated that. I wanted to have the healthiest wife possible as we get older. I wanted her to be comfortable in her skin. I wanted her to wear clothes she likes, not just the ones that hide the most. I wanted her to not feel awkward around others. I’ve never really struggled with weight. Sure I could lose more than a few pounds, but it falls off with little effort. I don’t fully understand the angst that the weight causes my wife but I know she isn’t as happy as she could be because of it. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. You gotta make the most of it. So I agreed, reluctantly.

After coming to grips with the minimal risk involved and nervously waiting for good news from the operating room, it’s been a pretty easy journey for me. I’ve had to do very little except listen. Listen about the surgery, shakes, stalls, pooping, not pooping and then pooping again. My wife is hard-core about obtaining information off the internet. So much so, she once gave her GP a tutorial on thyroid testing and the latest acceptable ranges for each test, which came as news to her doctor. Still not sure why we had to pay for that office visit. So nothing came as a surprise. It made my life easier knowing that if anything came up post op that might freak me out, she had the stats on how many patients experienced the same thing, why it happened, how long it will likely last, and what the next day, week, month has in store. Easy for me, but I know it hasn’t been easy for her and that each day brings a new challenge. I am so grateful for what she is willing to put herself through for a healthier future with our son and me. Recently she’s been in the dreaded stall, but it’s subsided, and she has a little pep in her step. I love the gleam in her eye when the scale tells her what she wants to hear. I love how she gleefully shows off how crappy her clothes fit. Mostly I love that each day she seems to feel more comfortable in her skin and happier with herself. What more can you really ask for?

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

OMG Mrs.McButterpants

What a guy!!!!Love him!!!!You are a lucky gal!!!!

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Dhrguru...stop worrying about your husband...he is jealous and insecure about your weight loss...pay him no attention and stop looking for accolades..layout did this for you...your life and health.He sounds like he needs to get proactive about himself ....he is deliberately trying to make you feel bad...so his bruised ego can have the upper hand...give him your doctors's #...please do your thing....you are succeeding!

[dhrguru 1,238]

So against my better judgement, I asked him, how could he acknowledge our son but not me or my progress/efforts etc.

Just when I thought he took the cake for asinine statements, he comes up with another....

He says the our son's efforts to get abs is over the top, he goes out of his way to get his results. But *I* haven't done anything over the top, out of my way.

If I could count all the ways he's a Jackass, I'd be a millionaire.

[Awjones28 320]

So against my better judgement, I asked him, how could he acknowledge our son but not me or my progress/efforts etc.

Just when I thought he took the cake for asinine statements, he comes up with another....

He says the our son's efforts to get abs is over the top, he goes out of his way to get his results. But *I* haven't done anything over the top, out of my way.

If I could count all the ways he's a Jackass, I'd be a millionaire.

Chalk it up to clueless jackassed-ness. Just wait til he's trying to get some of your goodies when that weight drops. Then tell him " you need to do something over the top for me!" Lol as you can see, I'm very much a smart ass.

[magicalwoman 190]

I feel for you dhrguru, I really do.

My husband doesn't say much only that he is concerned about the drastic nature of this surgery. He loves me the way I am, and loves me lighter as I was the day we met. I've never been a stick kind of gal, so at my lowest I was a size 12.

I hope that being able to do things again, walk, bike, hike will be a positive to him. He says he wants me to be healthy, so I'm hoping for all kinds of good to come.

Right now he is mostly silent. Hmmmmm

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

So against my better judgement, I asked him, how could he acknowledge our son but not me or my progress/efforts etc.

Just when I thought he took the cake for asinine statements, he comes up with another....

He says the our son's efforts to get abs is over the top, he goes out of his way to get his results. But *I* haven't done anything over the top, out of my way.

If I could count all the ways he's a Jackass, I'd be a millionaire.

My a-hole husband was emotionally abusive up until the day I left him. And now, abusive in the divorce as well. I finally hit a tipping point, left, and haven't looked back. I deserved so much better but I never thought so. Now I wonder how I accepted it for so many years.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I love Mr McButterpants.

[Chrystee 838]

My husband also struggles with compliments. It is so hard for him.